Doki Doki Literature Club - The Taste of Sunshine

Heart of the Chameleon

Sayori could hear her heart beating as she stopped to catch her breath.  Her lungs burned with each breath as she looked around and realized that she had run through the backyards of neighborhood residents for nearly two blocks, tossing her bag over fences and hopping them as she went.  For some reason she thought that this would be better than the neighborhood waking up on Christmas morning to see her running down the street with an overnight bag tossed over her shoulder.  It took a moment, her head was still spinning, an overload of panic and adrenaline was directing her almost instinctively but her body felt like it was ready to collapse.  It was just two more houses and then she would be in Genji's backyard.  She could see the swingset that was a leftover relic of his childhood just a couple of fence jumps away.  Sayori was moving out of sheer will at this point, passing those final hurdles only to reach his yard and trip over herself, landing face first in the snow.  In truth she didn't have the energy to get up.  She turned her head to the side so she would be able to breathe at the very least and just laid there, fresh white flakes slowly landing on her as they ended their journey from the sky above.  It was only now that she began to notice a strong burning sensation on the side of her left calf.  When jumping one of the chain link fences one of the sharp wire twists at the top caught the side of her black leggings, ripping it open along with her skin.  She'd been so upset when she left the house she didn't even realize that she'd grabbed a wind breaker to wear instead of her regular winter coat, and forgotten to put on a hat or gloves.  It was also a minor miracle that she hadn't slipped and fallen sooner considering she was wearing her Nike running sneakers instead of her winter boots that had far better traction.  She lay in the snow and just listened to the beautiful sound of silence.  Sayori wondered what magical gifts were being opened this morning by families all throughout the neighborhood, what special memories they would create together today.  Even in her sorrow, Sayori found herself hoping that Monika, Natsuki, Yuri and Kaori were having a wonderful morning.  She wanted to pull her phone from her pocket to send a message to the group wishing them a Merry Christmas, but she had no strength left.  As her eyes began to close, she distinctly heard the back door of Genji's house unlock and open, with a familiar voice suddenly calling her name.
"Sayori!" Genji's mom shouted as she rushed into the backyard, falling to her knees next to the collapsed girl.  She rolled Sayori onto her back and began lightly slapping her face to try to bring her back to coherency.  "Sayori can you hear me?!" she shouted, Sayori's eyes rolled back in her head for a moment before her entire body jerked and she seemed to snap to life with a minimal amount of energy.
"I...oh no...I ruined everything..." Sayori said as she began to tear up and cry.
"Honey, let's get your inside and then we can talk" Genji's mom said as she helped Sayori up. 
Taking Sayori's arm and putting it around her shoulder she helped her walk inside where she immediately sat Sayori down at the kitchen table and then went to get the first aid kit.  As the adrenaline wore off, the burning on the side of her calf became worse and worse.  Sayori peeked down at it to see that almost the entire side of her legging around the wound was saturated with blood.  Seeing this made Sayori feel light headed, forcing her to put her head down on the table as a floating feeling took hold of her.  In her daze she could hear her heart beating, each shallow breath felt like it was harder than the last, and over these sensations she distinctly heard a telephone ring.  Whoever it was, and whatever was being said, was muffled to Sayori at this point.  The last thing she heard was what sounded like a crash, and a pain in her head, not realizing that she had collapsed out of the kitchen chair she was sitting on and slammed her head on the hard tile floor.  When she finally regained consciousness she was on the couch in Genji's living room, her head and upper body propped up by countless throw pillows (and bedroom pillows for good measure), and tucked snuggly under a warm quilt.  It took her a moment to regain her senses, the movie Home Alone was playing on the TV, and she could smell something sweet coming from the kitchen.
"These came out really good I think, all we need to do is frost them and they'll be ready to eat" Genji's mom said.  Sayori could hear her going through their silverware and utensils drawer looking for the silicon spatula. 
"I'm starving, I could eat all of them" Genji said as he popped the lid off of the can of frosting they were going to use.
"Well you're going to have to wait, mister" his mom replied with a laugh and then poked at him with the spatula, "Sayori gets first pick, speaking of her go see if she's awake"
Genji headed into the living room to find that Sayori was not only awake, but was slowly starting to get up off the couch.
"Hey!  No no, you'll pop your stitches if you try to get up right now" Genji said as he rushed to Sayori's side and knelt down next to her.
"My...what?" Sayori said, sleepily. 
She pulled back the quilt to see that the left leg of her legging had been cut off just above her knee, with her wound washed and what looked close to ten stitches standing out against her fair skin.  Her calf felt extremely sore, she reached down and touched around the wound where bruising was already starting, there was a sharpness to the pain that made her suck in air thru barred teeth.
"My mom took care of you.  You passed out when I was on the phone with her letting her know what happened.  She stitched up your let and then gave you a tetanus shot for good measure...that's the one good thing about having a mom who's a nurse, she can save you a trip to the emergency room" he said with a laugh, his mom coming in to check on Sayori as he was finishing with his sentence.
"That's right, even when she shouldn't!" his mom joked as she brought a plate with a freshly frosted cinnamon bun for Sayori and a glass of orange juice.  "Here sweetie, eat this, it'll help you feel more yourself" she said and gave Sayori the plate then set the glass of juice down on the coffee table in front of the couch.  "How are you feeling?"
Sayori took a bite of the cinnamon bun before responding.
"Exhausted" she replied.
"You must have run here on pure adrenaline.  You were out of it when I found you face down in the snow outside, and then passed out maybe a few minutes after I brought you in" Genji's mom explained.  "You've been through a lot this morning, just rest.  Genji told me all about what happened as soon as he got home.  We're going to take good care of you so don't worry.  We've got Home Alone on and the second one all ready to go once this one ends, and it'll just be eating and gifts today"
"And we have both of the Ninja Turtle movies!" Genji said excitedly.
"W...wait, what?  Could you focus for five seconds?" his mom said as she turned to him, Sayori perked up on the couch.
"Oh!  Are they the new ones?  I really liked those!  And the new Power Rangers movie, do you have that to watch?" she asked excitedly, life quickly returning to her body as she did.
Genji's mom turned back to Sayori, and then back to Genji before starting to laugh.
"You two are perfect for each other.  I was a little worried in the back of my mind...but after that exchange?  No, you two will be just fine" she said, still laughing.
"I'll be ok" Sayori said, clearly putting on a brave face and pushing herself to come out of her slump.
"Genji, go get the juice and the rest of the cinnamon buns and bring them in here.  We can all eat and then do gifts after while we watch the movie" his mom said, Genji went back into the kitchen to gather everything up and while he was gone his mom took Sayori's hand.
"He told me everything that your father said.  I know it's hard, but let it go in one ear and out the other.  My father was the exact same way, and people like that don't ever change no matter how hard you try.  People like you and I, Sayori?  We're stronger than we look, it's times like this that turn us into the kind of people who can handle anything life has to throw at us.  I see so much of myself in you, it's scary...but that's how I know you're going to do amazing at anything you do in life" she said with a gentle smile.
With tears in her eyes Sayori leaned forward and hugged Genji's mom tightly, thanking her for the kind words.  A moment later Genji returned with the cinnamon buns and juice and the trio settled in to watch movies together and enjoy the morning.  The weather shifted from a few snowflakes to a clear sky with Sun, to snowfall again that was picking up intensity.  Genji's mom checked the weather forecast on her phone and saw that for the rest of today and until late tomorrow night it looked like they were going to be getting steady heavy snow.  She was more than vocal about how she was glad she didn't have to be back to work for a couple of days so she wouldn't have to be traveling in bad conditions and encouraged both of them to stay put as well.  Genji and Sayori had no objection to this, especially since it wasn't like going to her house was a viable option currently with her dad still home.  Once breakfast was done it was time to exchange presents. 
"I hope you like it" Sayori said as she handed Genji's mom a small, wrapped box with a bow on it.  She excitedly watched his mom open the gift, her face lit up when she saw the necklace and earring set that Sayori had bought for her, the set made of gold and emeralds, Sayori had saved for months to purchase it for her after everything she'd done to make her feel like one of the family.
"Sayori, these are beautiful, thank you!" she said and gave her a hug.
"Open mine next" Genji said and handed his mom what felt like a large book.
Unwrapping it she saw that it was a photo album that Genji had put together for her.  At the beginning it had photos starting with when he was a baby and gradually as the album went on his age progressed to the current day, with the final photo being one of he and Sayori together that was taken less than a month earlier.  Genji's mom wiped the tears out of her eyes and hugged him tightly, thanking him and saying it was the best gift she'd ever gotten, and thanked Sayori again as well, not just for the gift but for becoming a part of their family.
The morning went on with opening gifts, and one of the stand out gifts that Sayori received was from Genji's mother. It was a leatherbound journal for her to write down ideas or brainstorm when she wanted to work on her writing but wasn't at her computer.  To say that Sayori loved it would have been an understatement.  Writing was something that Sayori had truly started to develop a passion for and she was eager to spend more time on it, and this seemed like an ideal way to do it.  The dark tan journal had pages of gilded gold and a flap that buttoned on the front, with a leather loop on the side to hold a pen.  She was more than eager to sit and write in it, but that would have to wait a little while longer.  As Genji was helping to pick up all of the wrapping paper, bows and ribbon scattered about the floor his mom disappeared upstairs before coming back down with a rather large, heavy looking box and set it on the coffee table in front of him and Sayori.
"Ok you two.  So, I had planned on this being just a big grand finale Christmas gift for both of you but seeing how the engagement just happened we can call this a gift to celebrate both" his mom said as she sat back down in the recliner that was on the other side of the living room.  "Go on, it's for both of you, open it" she said with a smirk.
"What do you think it is?" Sayori said with a smile to Genji.
"Let's find out" he said happily, the pair began to both tear away the wrapping paper.  Sayori's eyes widened, registering what it was before Genji did.
"NO!  HOW DID YOU GET THIS!?" she shrieked as she jumped up and leapt over the coffee table, rushing to Genji's mom to hug her. 
"Honey, be careful of those stitches" his mom said as she hugged her back, trying not to laugh.  Sayori always had a way of bringing laughter wherever she went.
"No way, you got us a PlayStation 5?!  Mom, how did you find this??" Genji said as he went over to hug his mom and thank her.
"When your son keeps asking you over and over for months on end for one, you find a way to get ahold of one.  And you know what, seeing how excited you both are, completely worth the headache of tracking it down.  Considering the start to the day you both had, I hope this helps to turn it around" she said as she kissed Genji on the cheek and hugged him, and did the same for Sayori.
The afternoon seemed to float by with TV, food and laughter.  Having the couch to herself, Sayori more than once drifted off to sleep while they watched movies (even during the middle of Ninja Turtles during which she managed to wake herself up from her own snoring).  Once the afternoon began to wind down and they had dinner and dessert, Genji helped his mom with the dishes and made sure everything was cleaned up.  They turned on the Christmas tree lights and turned off all of the other lights, the atmosphere was just as stunning and beautiful as Genji remembered from when he was a kid.  Genji's mom decided to turn in early and give him and Sayori some time alone.  She was sure they had plenty to talk about after the last twenty four hours, and even though she had plenty of thoughts, concerns and questions that she wanted to share with them...they were all things that could wait.  For now, she said goodnight to the pair and left them to have the rest of the evening to themselves.
While Sayori and Genji were enjoying their Christmas evening, Monika and the others had thoroughly made pigs of themselves at dinner, eating as much as they possibly could.  Dinner selections included Chicken Cordon Bleu with broccoli and mashed potatoes, Grilled Flounder over rice  with a side salad, and Filet Mignon with cheesy scalloped potatoes and balsamic roasted baby carrots.  Natsuki ate two Chicken Cordon Bleu dinners, Yuri ate a Grilled Flounder dinner with an additional order of Grilled Flounder and an order of garlic butter mushrooms that she split with Monika.  Kaori ate a Filet Mignon dinner followed by a Chicken Cordon Bleu dinner, and Monika somehow managed to eat all three dinners in addition to the garlic butter mushrooms that she split with Yuri.  Desert was a whirlwind of chocolate decadence between triple chocolate cheesecake, chocolate fudge sundaes or an all time classic, double decker chocolate cake.  The girls weren't afraid to take full advantage, especially Natsuki who claimed she had to eat all of the desert choices for "learning purposes".  By early evening Yuri said that she wanted to rest her eyes for a few minutes, and then was followed by Kaori not long after, the pair effectively in a food coma and heading off beyond the great wall of sleep.  While they slept Monika and Natsuki scrolled through Netflix trying to decide on something to put on.  Monika was thankful for the one-on-one time with Natsuki as it finally gave her a chance to talk with her alone about what had happened when she was with Genji.
There was a prolonged silence as they scrolled through movies before Natsuki finally spoke up.
"You can just ask me, you know, you don't have to make it weird" Natsuki said finally.
"I guess I'm not really sure how to ask...I mean, you're here and Genji is back at home with Sayori...you did the right thing not following through Natsuki, never feel like you didn't" Monika said to her as she turned her attention from the TV to her friend.
"I know..." Natsuki said as she looked down, then over at Monika.  "I know I did the right thing...I couldn't ever do something to hurt Sayori, but...why does my heart still hurt so much, Monika?  I just..." she said, as she wiped away tears that had begun to stream down her face.  "I really love him, Monika...it feels like my heart is breaking over and over and I just don't know how to deal with it..." she admitted.
"I won't lie to you and say it'll be easy, but your heart will heal.  You'll have to trust me about that.  But our group isn't going to change, if anything this makes it even more special" Monika said.
Natsuki shook her head.
"No...that's where you're wrong.  I don't think...I think after we get back from our vacation that maybe I should keep my distance for a while.  I think it would be best for everyone" Natsuki said.
"Come on Natsuki, you don't mean that.  We all love you..." Monika replied.
"I can't face them, I'm sorry, I just can't do it.  I need time to sort through everything, and I can't do that if I'm about Genji and Sayori.  I'm going to have to face this alone I think..." she replied, sounding defeated.
There was a long silence between them before Monika spoke up again.
"Well Natsuki, if that's how you feel then we're all here for you and will look forward to when you feel ready to come back.  We all love you, and nothing is going to change that" Monika said.
Natsuki smiled at her.
"You're a good friend, Monika.  Thank you for always being there...even if you did put my manga on the book shelf out of order" she said with a grin.
Monika smiled and the pair shared a good laugh at one of their earliest memories.  As they did, Genji and Sayori found themselves in a deep conversation about what her father had shared about her suicide attempt prior to attempting to hang herself, along with her assault on a classmate which resulted in expulsion from her previous school.  This was all new to Genji, he had no idea about any of it and Sayori had hoped to leave that part of her past fully behind her.  This was what she had always hated about her parents.  No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she achieved, any mistakes she had ever made would be an anchor around her neck forever holding her back from being able to rise to greatness in her parents eyes.
The prolonged silence between Sayori and Genji was only broken by the dialogue being spoken during the movie they were watching.  Finally, Genji sat up and brushed his hair back out of his face and turned his full attention to Sayori.
"Why didn't you tell me?  About trying to kill yourself before..." he asked.
There was what felt like an eternity before Sayori finally responded.
"You wouldn't get it" she finally said, not taking her eyes off of the TV.  Her demeanor quickly changed from somber to excited as she snatched the remote from the coffee table and began looking through the menus on the TV.  "Hey you have Disney+, right?  I want to watch the Simpsons!" she said, starting to laugh.
"Sayori?  Hey, pay attention, we're talking about something important" Genji said as he stood up and took the remote and turned off the TV.
Sayori just stared at him, there was an anger in her eyes he'd not seen before, something that wanted to come out but was being held back.
"That was mean" she said and took the remote back, turning on the TV, again looking through the menus.
"What's wrong with you?  Why won't you tell me about it?  There's no use in hiding any of it anymore, your father told me it happened" he said to her, starting to sound annoyed.
Sayori stood up, clenching her fist at her side.  Her eyes looked wild, as if she were physically here but her mind was a million miles away.  Slowly Sayori's face scrunched and she took a step forward, now only inches from Genji's face.
"You wouldn't get it" she said again, this time with a volatile tone to her voice. 
"So talk to me then, so I do get it" he said and reached to hold her hand that she had balled into a fist at her side.
And then it happened, as soon as Genji touched Sayori's hand in an effort to help calm her she spit in his face, it happened so fast it would be fair to surmise that it was instinctive.  And almost as quickly as she did it, she regained her composure, realizing what she had done and apologizing to him over and over.  Genji was stunned, he'd never seen her react like that before to...well, anything.  In fact, the only time he'd ever seen her lash out violently was when there was the incident with Sawa resulting in her death.  He asked her to take a moment to regain her composure and sit on the couch while he went to wash his face off.  When he came back he brought two sodas from the refrigerator and a bag of potato chips as a peace offering.
"Maybe I pushed to hard asking, if I did I'm sorry, let's start over..." he began, Sayori cut him off.
"No, you didn't do anything...I'm so sorry Genji...I just...there's a lot you don't know about or understand about me, and I'm afraid if I tell you everything you won't want to marry me anymore" she said.
"That won't happen" he said and took her hand.  Despite how much he loved her and how close they were, it felt almost like he was holding the hand of a stranger.  "Would you please tell me what happened?  Why did you try to kill yourself?"
There was a long silence before Sayori finally spoke.
"Do you remember when I told you that my mother beat me with a phone book?" she asked.  Genji nodded.  "Imagine being a little kid and coming home with an A- on a report that you did, and having your mother beat you so badly that you were unconscious for hours afterward.  Imagine that being normal, and her using a phone book so she wouldn't leave marks.  If I wasn't the symbol of perfection, my parents had no use for me.  My father was never hands on like my mother was, he would just ignore me.  But my mother wouldn't give me even an inch of breathing room.  I finally started to believe that the world would be a better place without me.  I had no friends at school because no one wants to be friends with the super smart girl who does nothing but study.  And who could blame them?  I wasn't allowed to have hobbies or do anything fun, and I couldn't even do the one thing my parents demanded, living up to their expectations.  So, I stole my mother's sleeping pills and took the entire bottle.  When I woke up I was in the hospital.  The police wanted to talk with me, and I was so afraid of making my parents any angrier...I never told them what was going on at home.  I bottled all of it up...and not long after, that bottle broke and all of my anger came out at school.  I had a classmate who was relentless in making fun of me.  So I planned, and I waited until it was time for our class to head outside for recess.  It wasn't unusual for me to spend my time studying on the side while everyone else was playing, and on that day I brought my heaviest book with me.  When our teacher took us back inside, we all lined up to get a drink of water from the fountain, and I made sure I was next in line behind her.  As soon as she put her head down to take a drink...BAM!" Sayori suddenly exclaimed, "I remember the sound of teeth falling out of her mouth into the fountain and her screaming...it felt...it felt good Genji, I stood up for myself.  No one else would, but I did and I felt good about it!"
There was a long silence before Sayori continued.
"I remember Yuri's dad coming to the school after they called the police and him taking me home.  My parents were so angry, that girl needed dental surgery to fix her teeth and they had to pay for it.  I was so sure that my mother was going to kill me but she just...she ignored me, just like my father did.  They wrote a check to cover the dental surgery cost, with enough on top to get her family to not pursue any criminal charges...what the hell was her name...I can only remember bits and pieces of everything...I remember after being expelled and starting at your school she ended up transferring over a year later, so my escape from her didn't last long..."
"Wait...this girl you hurt, we all went to school with her also?" Genji asked.
"Yeah...I'm trying to remember her name though...it's all fuzzy for some reason..." she said as she sat with a look of deep thought on her face.  Suddenly her eyes widened, "How could I have forgotten!  It's Sawa, that was the girl who I hit!"
Genji felt his blood run cold.
"Wait, Sawa?  As in Sawa Higashi?  The girl who the police just found her skeleton?"
"Yeah...that's really sad...I hope they catch whoever killed her.  She didn't deserve that..." Sayori said.
Genji couldn't believe it.  Was Sayori telling the truth about truly not remembering who it was that she assaulted and was expelled over?  Or was all of this a charade?  Pretending to not remember who it was, hiding the fact that it happened to begin with...and the fact that her father seemed to be trying to aim Genji's plans for the future in a direction that didn't include Sayori...was he aware that Sayori murdered Sawa and was turning a blind eye to it in some effort to save her from any form of prosecution?  Genji felt sick suddenly...what if Sayori really knew all along what she had been doing and planned out killing Sawa, taking advantage of he and Monika working to cover for her and plant clues that would misdirect the police.
"Yeah...I hope they catch them too" Genji finally replied, smiling at Sayori.  "I love you" he said and kissed her.
"Are you mad at me?" she asked.
"No Sayori, I just want you to know you're loved and you don't have to feel that way anymore.  You belong now" he said and took her hand.  She gave him a huge hug and kissed him again.
    He excused himself to use the bathroom and asked if she could pick out the next movie that they were going to watch this evening, which Sayori excitedly agreed to.  Once in the bathroom, making sure the door was locked, he took out his cell phone and texted Monika.

"We have a problem"