𝙖𝙚𝙞𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙮 // 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙭 𝙙𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙨

𝙋𝙍𝙄𝘿𝙀

/prīd/
a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

- - -

Five nearly calls the whole thing off when Klaus falls out of his wardrobe. He doesn't know why he lied to Vanya. He just knows that she can't know about what he's doing. Neither can Klaus, for that matter, which is why Five only told him the bare minimum of what he needs to know. It's safer that way. None of them can get into trouble if they don't know what they're truly up against. He's rationalizing, he knows, but he can't bring himself to care.

"So what am I doing again?"

Five sighs. "You're going to ask about the eye. For some reason, they can't give me a name unless there's another client present."

Klaus frowns. "That just defeats the purpose of client-patient confidentiality."

"That's what I said. Come on, let's go."

"Wait, wait, wait. Do we need a cover story?"

"A what?"

"Like, was my mother terribly young when she had me? Ooh, she met my father at...the disco! Yeah, and then they had awful sex, which she blames me for to this day."

Five stares at him, unable to keep the disgust from his face. "What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain," he mutters.

Klaus laughs as he hurries after him.

- - -

"Well, like I told your brother earlier, I can't give you a name without the consent of the patient," the doctor says.

Five can feel his patience wearing thin. They've been at this for half an hour now and he's just about had enough. "We can't get consent if you don't give us a name," he says, grinding the words out slowly.

"And what about my consent?" Klaus asks.

Both Five and the doctor blink at him. "What?"

"Who gave you permission," he breaks off with a tearful gasp, "to lay your hands on my brother?"

The doctor is staring at Klaus like he's lost his mind. "I didn't touch your brother."

"Well how'd he get that swollen lip, then?"

"He doesn't have a—"

The apologetic look that Klaus gives him is all the warning he gets. There's a stinging pain on his face and he grunts with the force of the slap. He straightens, poking at his lip with his tongue. It's split and bleeding. He'll have to put something on it when they get back.

"You're insane," the doctor says.

Klaus chuckles. "Oh you have no idea." He grabs a snowglobe on the desk and grins down at it. "Peace on Earth. That's so sweet!" And then he smashes the snowglobe against his head.

Five has to fight back a smile. He's not very successful but he can't bring himself to care.

The doctor stares between both of them and makes a grab for the phone on his desk. Klaus snatches it up and yells into the receiver that "there's been an assault in Mr. Big's office and we need security now! Schnell!"

"What are you—?"

Klaus slams the receiver back down and looks at the doctor. He's got glitter in his hair. "Look, Grant—"

"It's Lance."

"—security's gonna get up here, and they're going to look around and go dearie me, what on earth happened? And we're going to tell them that you beat the shit out of us. I've been to prison, Grant. You'll do great there. Little piece of chicken like you, you're gonna get passed around like—well, you're gonna do great."

Grant swallows. "You are one sick son of a bitch," he finally says.

Five grins. He doesn't think he could stop it if he tried.

"Thank you," Klaus says. He spits a piece of glass onto the desk. "So how about that eye?"

- - -

In the end, the eye is a dead end. Five doesn't know why he was expecting anything different. Nothing has gone right for him since he came back. Why should this be any different? He shoves a hand through his hair and sighs. He wants a drink. No, he wants his wife. He needs to apologize. He'd go see her—they arranged to have a meeting at some point today—but Klaus is still talking.

"So can I have my twenty bucks now or what?"

Five scoffs. "Your twenty bucks?" he repeats in disbelief. "The apocalypse is coming and all you can think about is getting high?"

"Well, I'm also quite hungry," Klaus says. "Tummy's a-rumblin'." He makes tentacles with his fingers and moves them around, making weird gurgling noises.

Five can't believe it. He really can't. How hard is it to stay focused for an hour? Really, how hard is it? God, he wants Dolores. She's the only one of them with any common sense and he's just now realizing how much he took it for granted. "You're useless! You're all useless," he says, and maybe it's the wrong thing to say but he could care less right now.

Klaus plops himself down on the curb. "Y'know, I just realized why you're so uptight all the time. You must be horny as hell! I mean, all those years alone, it's gotta screw with your head a bit, right?"

It's times like this that Five considers telling his siblings he's a married man. And then, once the initial shock has died down, he's always considered adding on the fact that his marriage has been consummated. Many times.

"I wasn't alone," is what he says instead.

"Oh? Pray tell," Klaus says, one hand pressed to his chest dramatically.

Five can feel the fond smile tugging at his lips. For once, he doesn't try to stop it. Klaus won't mock him for it.

"Ooh, Fivey's got a crush!" Klaus sings. He's grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

Well. Klaus won't mock him for it very much. Five glares at him. He considers blinking away, but he's come this far. And if he blinks away, Klaus will just pester him about it until Five tells him.

"Her name was Dolores," he says. The smile is back and he looks away from Klaus, towards the ground. "We were together for over 30 years."

The thought of being with Dolores for over 30 years sends something akin to butterflies through Five's gut. He's never really thought about the future—with an organization like the Commission, so removed from time, there really isn't such a thing—but he has to admit that it's an appealing thought.

"Wow," Klaus says. "The longest I ever stayed with someone was...two weeks? And that's only because—"

Five blinks away before he can finish his sentence. He's late to see Dolores now. And he hates being late to things. "Don't stop," he tells the cab driver. "Just—keep going."

He waves out the window as they pass by Meritech. Klaus yells something about money and Five just laughs as they turn the corner.