Borderline Broken

So that wasn't normal? TW___SEXUAL ASSULT/RAPE,SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

Diving in about ages 7-10, My life took a turn for the worst. Started "blossoming" into a young woman. Well to Bobby I was anyway.. 

My littlest brother was my pride and joy. I raised him practically since the day he came home from the hospital and I was his favourite person. When Bobby & Heather got into their alcoholic screaming matches, Kingston would run into my room at 2, 3, 4 am and hide under my covers and cry. He was too little to understand why they were screaming. It got to the point, him and I would hide in my closet. I had pillows and blankets in there, a nightlight button glued to the wall behind my clothes rack and he would sleep while I stayed up to keep him safe. 

Well Bobby didn't like that very much. Kingston was his "mini me" and didn't appreciate that he took to somebody else. So the physical abuse started. (only ever with me, even if they went after the boys which they never did, I would have put myself in front of them)

TW---I was thrown into bookshelves, down flights of stairs, hands slammed into doors, had my head slammed through a window (that one hurt) but the physical abuse wasn't enough, he was already beating the shit out of Heather and she was doing the same to him. So there wasn't enough time for "romance" so instead....yup you got it. Let's go find our sweet little baby girl and just rip her fucking innocence away from her. 

I never did understand how someone could forcefully insert themselves into someone, or touch someone, let alone a child...while they are screaming, begging, pleading for you to stop. But thats all apart of the game for them. The fact that they are bigger and stronger than their victim(s). But the fact that it was youre own child. The little thing that you are supposed to protect and love with your entire being. You tie them up to their bed,  A place where they are supposed to be safe. Shove socks or dirty underwear in their mouth so you can still hear them scream but nobody else can? Hold them and fall asleep after your done inside them like they are your property, like you didn't just take everything from them...

This went on for 5 years. And that was just while he was with heather.. Im not going to mention the times after and when Tammy knew while I was a teenager. <No more this kind triggers>

Heather was a whole other ball game. She knew about the sexual assault and things and just let it happen. Why? How could you let someone do that to your child? Id love to know those answers too..

She was a very mind, manipulative, really fucked with your head kinda person. Lazy as fuck, but still treated the boys like royalty. They wanted something, if there was left over money from the beer or liquor store, they got it. I couldn't even get new underwear because mine was OLD and barely holding onto the stitches without being told how ungrateful I was and always expected things... didn't realize clean undergarments weren't a necessity. 

TW---Many times through the later years of my "pre teens", before the divorce, I had attempted ending my life 4 times. They were never successful. Some days I was happy they weren't, but more days than not, I wished that they would have worked. Heather would go as far as leaving me razors in my room or "love letters" I liked to call them, telling me to try harder and that I wasn't worth the life I was given. 

When I say this lady is fucked, I really mean it...She would constantly be little me, make me think I was the tiniest person on the face of the earth. Constantly telling me im nothing, im useless. 

One night, Damien and I were talking in my room, let's say were about 10 & 8. He was saying how if he ever wished he could have different parents, he would pick his friend Coltons parents. To him, they were the bees knees, as they probably were because parents are always better and more lenient when their kids friends around. My response to his statement was, I can't think of anyone Id rather have as parents, but I know I want new ones. 

Well of course, lucky for me, Heather was coming around the corner to my room for god knows what, probably being a nosy little bitch as per usual. Well, she screamed at the top of her lungs and HUCKED a tv remote at my face, got my right in my eyeball and then ran away crying like a toddler. I was fucking shocked. Like, this bitch really just threw a remote at my head? 

Progress to about an hour later, she comes back screaming at me for not coming to her and checking on her to make sure she was okay...umm miss girl, I think we're missing something here. I was at a loss for words..even that young, I knew...bitch was fucking nuts.