They Call Me the Coroner | Top Gun: Maverick

Ending 3

METANOIA - the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life.

___________________

My hands grip the bike as I speed down the road.

There's enough going on in my head to fill up a freight train.

I figured something out.

I was broken. Still am. I was scared. Panicked that my messed up brain would prove too much for the love the people in my life had for me.

I was scared they would try to help me but couldn't, and then they would leave. I was scared...of myself.

It wasn't until God showed me how much He loves me that I really grasped how dramatic I was being.

I've messed up. I am very sorry and it will take a long time for me to forgive myself for this, if I ever do. I went crazy. But I could be redeemed. I could be healed. God could restore me and my sanity and He could forgive me.

So, I let God have it all. My brokenness and tears. My terror and my fears. All of it and He loves me despite.

I came to the thought that maybe I shouldn't be afraid of myself. After all, that frantic, unhinged version of me wasn't something I needed to fear. It was nothing to be ashamed of.

I was simply a good person who was reacting to a very bad situation.

Then I realized my whole life had been about reacting to situations that came up. I didn't need to be afraid...

I needed to learn and grow.

To be a better person than I was, and look forward to being a better person than I am.

It all begins and ends in the mind. What you allow power over you will take over your life like a consuming fire.

So, I grabbed up my keys and went for a long...long ride. Homeward bound.

Back to Kim and Fallon and Caleb.

Back to Maverick, Jake, and my team.

Back to Bradley.

Because I'm no longer reacting.

I'm taking action.

And I'm choosing to make this right.

I pull up in Kim's driveway. Still the same as it always was, cheerful. Never a dreary sign.

Nope.

I pull away and halt a couple streets down. I catch my breath as I feel my heart run away with me.

It's been six months.

Surely she will be mad at me. I haven't had contact with anyone during that time. I may as well be dead to them.

What right do I have coming back into their lives like this?

No. I'm her sister. She loves me. I love her. And somehow I will make this right.

I go back again. I turn off my engine and stare at the front door. My chest exploding with my heart rate.

Nope.

I head back down the road again, and laugh at myself when I stop.

"Gah, you really are pathetic, aren't you?" I chuckle at myself.

But does she even want to see me? I mean really. I left her without word for six months, alone, basically letting her think the worst had happened to me, just to come back into her life and do what?

Say I'm sorry??

I dig in my pocket and drag out Rooster's sunglasses. I grin remembering what he said to me.