With Or Without You

3.

Teja's POV:

Shock is that feeling of pause while the brain makes a new connection, one that brings high emotions to flutter inside your heart. It is finding yourself unexpectedly on a platform, train approaching, realising that this time the destination is not a choice.

And that is exactly what happened because I didn't get to decide. I didn't have a choice.

My brain stutters for a moment as every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up.

"I didn't expect you to pick up," he said.

"But I did," I said, and we lapsed into silence. I wondered if he regretted calling.

I pressed my back against the headboard. "How—" I started, then thought better of asking him how he was. It seemed so trite, so empty. I really should've worked on a script. It was difficult to know what to say. I tried for something honest; a little more direct. "It was weird seeing you today."

"Yeah, it was," he said, then made a noise that might've been amused or sad. "That's why I called. I thought we should talk."

"I agree." I pulled my knees up and wrapped my free arm around them.

"I want you to know being here was not my idea," he said.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I know it's your thing to go for a vacation with your gang every year around this month and I would never put the both of us in an uncomfortable position. First off, I didn't know you'd come to Hawaii of all places. Secondly, it wasn't high up on my vacation list to be here and choose to stay in the same hotel as you either. Though, it makes sense why you'd be here now that I think of it. It's your uncle's place, I remember."

I really wish he hadn't said that last part. I don't want him to remember anything.

"My friends planned the whole thing. Advik and Hiya booked the hotel. I didn't even know where we were staying until we drove up to the entrance. It was all a surprise for my birthday. I don't know if you remember, but it's at the end of the month."

I remembered. I just hadn't put it together.

"I would gladly change the hotel if I could but they went through so much trouble for me," he said. "The last thing I want is for them to find out how bad they messed up. They didn't know that literally any other hotel or any other place in the world would've been better."

I flinched. He might as well have doused me in freezing water. It was one thing to suspect he wanted nothing to do with me; another thing to actually hear it. All my hopes for clearing the air between us evaporated.

"That's why I haven't told them who you are . . . who you were to me," he said. "It's just easier. I don't want to put that on them. It's not like we'll have to see each other while I'm here. If we're careful, we won't have to see each other at all."

"Sounds like a plan." I sank down to lie on the bed, numb.

"I'm glad you agree," he said after a pause. There was a hint of something that might've been anger in his voice. I wondered if he was mad because I'd agreed with his plan or because I'd thrown him off-book.

"But there are your friends to think about. Do they know about us?"

"Naina doesn't know and I'll keep it that way. She and I only got close about a year ago so I never saw the point in bringing you up."

"That should make things easy then." Yes, that was definitely anger. Good.

"Yes, it should. Aahana knows, but I'll make sure she keeps your secret." I sat up. "So, since that's settled, I really need to go now. I'm glad we got to talk this out. Good night."

I hung up before he could say more. Petty, yes. But it made me feel better.

I kept my phone back on the table and just stared at the ceiling, replaying every word.

It wasn't high up on my vacation list to be here and choose to stay in the same hotel as you.

They didn't know that literally any other hotel or any other place in the world would've been better.

It's not like we'll have to see each other while I'm here.

My phone vibrated with a message from Aahana.

Have you talked to him yet?

My fingers hesitated over the phone. I'd been dodging her since the reception, sure she'd go on and on about how I was avoiding Karan because I was still in love with him, or some version of that nonsense. The truth was I'd just wanted to save him and me from a painful conversation—which was exactly what happened anyway.

I did, I messaged back. A second later she tried to call.

I wasn't in the mood for a line-by-line breakdown and analysis of the talk with my ex, so I hit ignore. If only I'd done the same with Karan's call. No, instead I'd answered.

Now my phone vibrated like crazy, Aahana sending one text after the other.

What happened????

Teja, what did he say?

Was it bad?

I could see on the screen she was typing even more. I sighed, caught in between stopping her and not wanting to talk about it. I guessed something like he told me we should stay away from each other would only make it worse. Instead, I sent a half lie.

It's fine. Closure achieved.

Fine was debatable, but the closure was definite. Karan couldn't have made it clearer if he'd slammed a door marked "Our Relationship" in my face.

Aahana tried calling again. I messaged back that I was busy, then put my phone on silent. It wasn't her fault Karan's words hurt me, but she had told me to talk to him, and look what happened. Because of that, she ranked just under him as the last person I wanted to talk to at the moment.

I can't believe I ever thought he would apologise. I should've known better. Though, even if he would have done so I wouldn't have believed in it anyway.

Just like he remembered this is my uncle's hotel, I damn well remember the things he told me too. From the multiple mistakes he committed to the umpteen sorrys he said to make up for them, they didn't mean shit.

If I had a pound for every time Karan Kundrra's told me he's sorry, I'd be rich enough to buy a Bugatti.