With Or Without You

21.

Karan's POV:

Teja stuns me into silence. She doesn't stick around for a reply that probably won't come. Whatever relief I gained from finding out she isn't dating anyone seems short-lived, easily replaced by the ache in my chest as I watch her walk away from me yet again. 

I deserved better from you. 

Of course she did. She deserved the whole damn world, but I was—am— not capable of giving her anything but heartache. 

And whose fault is that? 

I'm not sure how long I stand there mulling over the conversation I had with her, but I don't move until my skin prickles from the rising sun. Taking small steps towards a chair I spot, I heave a sigh and sit down.

"Hey there, stranger. Mind if I join you?

I look up to see Aahana standing beside the chair and give her a small smile. "Oh, hey Aahana. Sure, go ahead."

"So, I couldn't help but overhear what Tejasswi said to you earlier. Rough stuff, huh?"

I sigh, "Yeah, you could say that."

Aahana puts a hand on my shoulder. "Look, I get it's complicated between you two, but I've gotta say, Tejasswi has a point. You guys had something real, and she feels like she deserved more from you."

She did.

Nodding, I say, "I know, I know. It's just... it's not that simple."

I look at Aahana and see the conflict in her eyes. She's deciding whether to say what she's about to say because I'm not gonna like it. Judging from her posture, I'm guessing she's gonna go for it. 

"Karan, I'm not taking sides here, but I've seen you pull away from everyone, especially after things went south with Teja."

I furrow my brows, "What do you mean?"

"You drifted away, Karan"

Did I?

I remember one week after the breakup, Rahul called me up. 

"Hey Karan, what's up, man? We're hitting the pub tonight. You in?"

I sighed, knowing I couldn't face the usual banter and curious glances about my breakup. "Nah, Rahul, not tonight. Got some stuff to take care of."

"Come on, man, it's been ages. You need to get out!"

"Yeah, maybe some other time, okay? I'll catch you later."

A couple of months later, I got Simran's text, who was more of Tejasswi's friend initially, but we all became a tight-knit group.

"Hey Karan, long time no see! Let's grab coffee this weekend. What do you say?"

I hesitated, then replied, "Sorry, Simran, got a lot on my plate these days. Rain check?"

She sensed something was off, but she let it slide, saying, "Sure thing, Karan. Take care, okay?"

The full realisation of Aahana telling the truth came to light when I thought of Aryan, my adventure buddy. He had reached out with plans for a hiking trip. I used to be the first one to jump on such opportunities but..

"Karan, my man! Hiking this weekend, what do you think?" Aryan's excitement was palpable.

I feigned a busy tone, "Ah, Aryan, wish I could, but I've got family stuff. Next time for sure, though!"

He didn't press further, but the disappointment in his voice was evident. "Alright, bro. Catch you later."

Aahana's soft voice snapped me out of my reverie. "I see you going through it in your head and I get why you did it. I really do. Breakups are messy. But friendships? They shouldn't be casualties of it. And cutting ties with friends wasn't a solution, but a self-imposed exile from the support system I think you desperately needed at the time."

Somewhere within her gentle tone, I could sense a little hurt and I couldn't but feel a pang of guilt at that. Aahana used to be a very good friend and I really neglected my friendship with her after the breakup. Moreover, Aahana isn't a person who goes out of her way to voice such things out and the fact that she's even letting me sense the hurt in her voice is a big deal. 

"It's not like I meant to cut ties with everyone. I was just dealing with my own stuff and needed time to figure things out. But I'm sorry. I truly am. I didn't mean to hurt anyone through my actions. I'm really not a person who likes to share and I just didn't want anyone's pity."

Aahana nudges my shoulder with hers. "I know, idiot. You used to be one of my best friends once upon a while and we're exactly the same when it comes to matters of the heart."

I smile faintly, happy that she indirectly accepted my apology. 

Just as she's about to leave, I blurt out, "Want some coffee? I still make the same latte you used to go all gaga over."

"Sounds like a plan," she smiles.

As we make our way towards the hotel room, I couldn't help but hope that this particular friendship mends itself with time. Aahana is a great person and I never wanted to lose my bond with her. It just somehow got strained due to the complexity of relationships. 

It's too late to fix things with Tejasswi but I can do right by Aahana. 

Teja's POV:

I slide the curtain of my hotel room back into place with a shaky hand as whatever semblance of control I had over my emotions breaks, reality punching me in the face with a set of brass knuckles. 

I want to cry. I want to yell. I want to send Karan running all the way back to Mumbai. 

How dare he question me after all that he did? 

Maybe its my fault to think that he might have changed. 

He's still the same Karan he always has been but I'm not gonna become a fool again, that's for sure.

Things are different now and I'm not the same blind in love girl anymore. 

Aren't I, though? 

Because all it takes is one interaction with him for me to remember everything I spent the last two years trying to forget. 

The curve of his lips as he flashes me a smile. 

The tug in my chest that always draws me back to him despite all the years of hurt. 

The warmth that spreads through my body whenever he cracks a joke, threatening to melt the ice wrapped around my heart. 

A part of you still loves him. 

Just because you love him doesn't mean you're in love with him, the reasonable voice speaks up. 

Truth is, a part of me will always love Karan. It's impossible not to with all the shared history, but I will never be in love with him—at least not again. I made that mistake once and I lost my heart in the process. 

But unlike the last time Karan showed up in my life, this time is different. 

I'm different. 

And nothing he says or does will change that.

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A/N: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the response on the last chapter. Trust me when I say I read every message and it means the world to me. You guys are my biggest motivation to continue writing and I'm forever grateful for all your support<3

I'm not gonna disappear for extremely long intervals again but I can't promise regular updates. Although, I'll do my best to upload at least one chapter every two weeks.

Hope you like this one!

Lots of love,

D