With Or Without You

5.

Teja's POV:

They saw I'm the master of my fate and the captain of my destiny. I don't believe them.

Because if I truly was I wouldn't keep ending up at the last place I want to be. Next to Karan. And that is exactly what keeps happening.

Being in the same state as him isn't easy. Living at the same place as him isn't easy. Talking on a call with him a few hours back definitely wasn't easy.

I had taken some time for myself after it. I had tried to clear my head and almost convince myself that everything's fine because I'm not gonna see him again. Boy, was I wrong.

When I read about the driving tour in the catalogue I thought it was the perfect way out. I would be gone for four days, wouldn't even accidentally stumble across him and would also have the fun I was so desperately seeking.

Look at me now, I'm right where I didn't want to be.

His eyes find mine the exact moment I turn my gaze towards him. The look of horror on both of our faces might have said more than it needed to say because our friends definitely notice.

"Do you two know each other?" One of his friends ask in confusion.

That's an understatement.

Karan clears his throat, "Umm yeah we've done a shoot together."

"Yeah," I cut him off before he said anything else. Aahana might know about our history but Naina definitely doesn't and I'd like to keep it that way. From the looks of it, his friends don't either and I have no intention of revealing too much.

I forced myself to look at him. "Hi."

"Hey." He nodded stiffly, fiddling with the edge of his T-shirt collar.

Around us, polite conversation continued and I could see one of his friends gush with excitement as she talked about all the places we'll get to see.

I stood there, keeping a small smile plastered to my lips.

Karan didn't look at me. He said nothing. I said nothing. I didn't mean to stare, but now that I'd looked at him, I couldn't look anywhere else.

We got our stuff and made our way to the bus quickly setting in so we could get a move on.

The mood isn't exactly tense but it isn't all that comfortable either. Karan's been largely ignoring me. After those first few heart jolting, gut-wrenching moments of eye contact, he's been studiously avoiding my gaze every time I look his way. Meanwhile Advik is tapping a loud, inane rhythm on the window; Naina flashes him an irritated look as she tries to concentrate on reading the map.

'Can we get some music playing or something?' Karan finally asks.

I know what's coming before Hiya's hit play; as soon as I hear the opening notes I have to swallow back a smile. Karan always loved this kind of music. I used to tease him about it, which was particularly hypocritical of me, as a girl whose playlist is almost exclusively populated by the works of Taylor Swift. Now I can't hear the tune of a song without thinking of Karan doing bhangra or him singing along with the car windows down.

'Maybe not this one,' he says, hand hovering over the phone as he changes the track.

'Ooh I like this one,' Aahana says, turning it up.

'What the hell is this?' Advik says.

I watch Karan's shoulders square up at his tone.

'It's Arijit Singh,' he says. 'It's – it's called Baaton Ko Teri.'

I wince.

Memories started swirling and twinkling behind my eyes as if a montage was playing before me.

Baaton ko teri hum bhula na sake

Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake

'I'm extremely fond of you'

Dil mein hai zinda har ghadi tu kahin

Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake

'Agar chupana hota toh kabka chupa deta'

Meri tammanaao ka ehsaas tum

Main kahin bhi rahun mere aas-paas tum

'Tu bahot endearing hai'

Khuda jaane, Khuda jaane, Khuda jaane..

'Tu royegi toh toofan aa jayega'

Ek pal bhi tumse door jaa na sake

Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake

'Meri girlfriend ki tarah behave karna shuru kardo please'

Baaton ko teri hum bhula na sake

Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake

'I've never felt like this before'

Ajnabi silsila mere saath hai

Bheed mein tanhaai ka ehsaas hai

Khuda jaane, Khuda jaane, Khuda jaane..

'I love you a lot...zyaada. More than yesterday, more than day before'

Yaadon ko teri hum mitaa na sake

Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake

'Baby...THE ONE'

Dil mein hai zinda har ghadi tu kahin

Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake

'Thank god for you'

Apparently we each shed a million skin cells every day, and I must be losing mine all at once because I feel like I'm suddenly falling apart.

Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Or so I thought. When we broke up, I was initially distraught but when I thought about it practically I just thought it was meant to be. I thought we broke up because we weren't meant to be.

And now, it shouldn't be this hard.

I look up and see his face.

It's as if somebody is trying to pull it apart from the inside. As if it's taking every bit of energy he has to keep himself in one piece. And, one by one, the stars inside me start flickering and switching off.

It is said that nothing in the world is as bad as physical pain but right now, I would beg to differ because this emotional pain was eating away at me.

It knocked on my door and walked right in but it never bothered to tell me when it'll leave.

When Karan and I were together, I always thought he was either going to be the death of me or was going to be the one who finally brought me back to life. Love works in mysterious ways I guess, because I experienced both. 

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A/N: Please don't be a silent reader and do vote and comment if you found this chapter to your liking. Your feedback means the world to me!

Until next time. 

Lots of love, 

D