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☁️ chapter one ☁️

"Harry, really. It's nothing. You don't need to be so worried," Louis said, lying on his bunk, phone to his ear.

His second solo tour had begun, and he'd just finished his first show of the American leg. "Louis, you nearly fell off stage! That scares me. Were you on something?"

"No Harry, fuck no." Louis replied, really wishing Harry hadn't seen the trending video.

"Louis Tomlinson tripping on stage. A compilation."

"Louis. 3 times. You tripped 3 times in one show. And it was over your own feet." Harry said, and Louis could hear the worry in his voice.

And quite frankly, Louis was worried too.

See, Louis knew what was wrong with him. He had for about a month now.

Harry didn't.

Louis had decided against telling him until absolutely necessary, because he knew Harry would drop everything and pull out of every project if he was aware.

So, in true Louis fashion, he was pushing his problems to the side, and trying to be nonchalant so that others wouldn't worry.

Worrying wouldn't fix a fucking thing anyway.

These falls, -the damn reason for this miserable phone call- had been going on longer than Harry realized. The couple had been apart for a few months, due to massive scheduling conflicts between Harry filming for his upcoming Marvel movie, and Louis prepping with his band for the tour.

It had only started with muscle twitches and cramps, but quickly, alarmingly quickly, things escalated.

He'd be buttoning up his shirt and his hands would stiffen up, leaving him to wait for them to relax before he could continue.

Or, he'd be in the shower and twitch so badly that he'd get shampoo in his eyes.

And worst yet, he would fall. All the time.

The first time it happened, he was walking down the stairs. He went to take a step and when he put his foot down, it was like it lost all strength. He couldn't explain it, it was just like, his leg couldn't hold him up.

He was always back on his feet within seconds though, and he really wanted it to stay that way.

"Yeah, I know Harry. I know I tripped 3 times. But it's been a long day, I had lots of nerves because it was the first show of the tour. I'm fine okay? Don't worry." Louis said, letting out a deep breath.

"How am I supposed to not worry? Lou this has never happened to you before. I can come fly in.
I have filming tomorrow, but I'm sure we can postpone-"

"Harry stop. I'm fine." Louis said, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling guilt wash over him like a waterfall. He hated lying to Harry.

Harry, who loved him to pieces, was on the phone fretting over him, and offering comfort, while Louis was telling him lie after lie.

"Look Harry, I've gotta go. It's late. But this is nothing a little sleep won't fix yeah?" Louis asked.

"Babe... if I'm not coming then at least, at the very least, go see a doctor. I know I'm probably paranoid, but it would give me some peace of mind. Can you do that baby?" Harry asked, "Please?"

"Okay... okay yeah I can do that I suppose. If it'll ease your nerves."

"Thank you Lou, let me know what they say alright?" Harry responded.

"I will Haz, don't worry." Louis said, his tone gentle as he tried to calm a very stressed Harry. "Now you get some rest too okay?"

"Okay... I love you." Harry said softly.

"I love you too." Louis replied, hanging up the phone.

"And that's why I'm lying to you..." he whispered after he set his phone down.

~•~•~

{1 Month Prior}

Lots of tests.

Several appointments.

Endless phone calls.

Louis had endured more than his fair share, that's for certain.

It had all been leading up to this. To this very moment. Louis would've rather been with Harry... with his mum... someone he loved and trusted deeply.

No, he couldn't- he wouldn't- worry Harry.

And as for his mum, he just wished it were even possible for her to be there.

So, here he was. The diagnosis had been given, and now he was alone in the small, cold doctor's office, sitting on a hard plastic chair, in silence.

"Take your time to process sweetie," the nurse had said. "The room is yours until you're ready to go."

Louis didn't know if he'd ever be ready to go. He wanted to stay right there forever. If he didn't move, maybe time would freeze.

ALS, the doctor had told him.

Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis.

He'd been in complete shock at the news and somehow, he didn't remember how exactly, he ended up back in his car with a pamphlet in his trembling hand.

His eyes were glazed over with tears as he skimmed through the pages, more overwhelmed than he'd ever been.

He could barely read through the watery blur of his tears, but certain words stood out to him.

Paralyzation.

Speech control.

Fatal.

He was certain there were many other terrifying words, but there was only so much he could handle in a single sitting.

As he started to calm down and his mind finally cleared, he realized 3 things.

1- He had ALS, it was progressing rapidly.
2- He had his second, and most likely final, world tour to complete.
3-He had to keep this from Harry. For as long as possible.
~•~•~

Remembering the previous night's phone call, around 11 am, Louis determined it would probably be a good time to text Harry, who was waiting to hear from him after their conversation and his promise to go to the doctor.

And technically, he did see a doctor. But that was a month ago.

L: Hey babe, doc says I'm fine. No more need for worries here:)

It took a few minutes but soon Harry replied, and his response made Louis sick to his stomach with guilt.

H: That's great news! Hopefully no more falls then ;) miss you X

L: Miss you too !

With a heavy sigh, Louis slid his phone into his pocket and tipped his head back, blinking his oncoming tears away.

Hi hi ! There's chapter one hopefully it's okay- I've never written something like this before. Shout out to bittersweetlou who was kind enough to let me message her and get some help with ideas:)

Have a great day or night!

-Bella