EMMÉ
I know Mo told me that it's not a good idea to speak to Dakalo but I know that I can't just pretend like what happened didn't actually happen so on Tuesday evening I go to see him
I first called Thandi and she told me he has been at his condo, she obviously knows what's going on and again, She's not being harsh and I don't have to beg much for her to give me his location although this time it comes with a "If he says he doesn't want to talk then please don't force it, he's been through enough already"
I'll admit, her words did sting. I know she raised him and he's her son too but he's also mine... I did not say this to her because she's been welcoming to me and the last thing I want is to create tension with her. Right now, Thandi is a bridge I can't afford to burn.
When I get to the building it surprisingly isn't a hassle for me to gain access, He's been expecting me, meaning Thandi told him I'd be coming to see him. I'm glad he didn't decline but when he opens the door I almost regret coming.
"What do you want?" He asks still standing there by the door
"Can I come in?"I ask
He moves from the door and turns away from me" Make it quick "
I set my handbag on the floor next to the couch that I sit on" Can I have some water, please"I askand he looks at me wanting to say something but he doesn't, instead he goes to get me a bottle of water from the fridge then he sits opposite me, eyeing me as I drink from the bottle.
When I'm done I close the cap and set hold on to the bottle and I look at him
"I asked you to make it quick" He sounds very irritated and I nod
"Motlalepula didn't know that I'm your mother." I say
"You're not my mother." he states blankly, It's not the first time he says this but it doesn't make it hurt any less
"I understand... But she really didn't know. I never told her that I..."
"That you what?"
"That I left when you were still a baby."
"That's a nice way of putting it."
"Dakalo, please-"
"Please what? What exactly is it that you're looking for here Emmé? You ditched me because you couldn't bare to be a mother but you're all too happy to play mommy to three kids that aren't your own? What kind of a sick and twisted person are you?"
"The situation are different."
"How so? You're the one thing to Pula and her siblings that you chose not to be with me and I'm back where I started, wondering why I wasn't good enough for you, You gave birth to me! Does that really mean nothing to you? How do you love another man's children when you couldn't love your own and don't you dare tell me that's not true because you don't abandon the people you love! "
" You have every right to hate me, I know. I wasn't fair to you and I really deserve your anger but please, Mo knew nothing - "
" You still don't get it. "
"I do, Dakalo. I really do. I am a mother to her and yet I abandoned you, I know it's hurting you, It's eating you on the inside and I'm sorry. I know my presence does nothing except bring you pain, I'm sorry for that too. I don't know what to do to make this right, Dakalo... I really don't... "
" The best thing you can do for me right now is to leave"He says with an emotionless face
"Dakalo-"
"Just leave, Emmé. You and I have nothing to discuss, You've made your own family and I've made my choice, nothing had changed. You're still as good as dead to me so walk out and don't look back" He says with his eyes cold as eyes.
