Apne Hisse ka Aasman

I

The first rays of the sun pierced through the crack in the wall on one side, making my eyelids twitch uncomfortably. I hadn't been asleep. I blocked the light with one hand, sitting up and looked around. The multitude of people were sleeping all around. The main hall of Khalsa College was as quiet as death. The sun had risen. Before long the place would be hustling with activity.

Radha Chachi and Veerji were sleeping on the either side of me. Often as not, atleast two of us were awake, usually lying in the silence of the night, unspeaking. Sleep came to me with a struggle these days. I bent over each of them to make sure they were actually asleep. They were.
As noiselessly as I could, I stood up. Spending some time in solitude in fresh air seemed a better alternative than in this dimly lit hallway. But would it be safe? Veerji wouldn't be pleased either. But I was driven by an urge and hence decided to go out. I felt for the dagger around my waist and having found it, I side-stepped carefully avoiding the sleeping people and moved towards the gate. Near the gate a khaki-uniformed constable was asleep on his chair against the wall. Gathering my dupatta a bit more firmly around me I walked past him.
The sky was clear, cloudless. Sunrise ought to instill a hope. But all it did was rekindle the many questions in my heart. Where were Randheer and Vashma? Had Randheer found Vashma? Were Vashma and the baby safe? Was Randheer safe? Why hadn't they returned yet? Had they been caught in a cross-fire? Had they been caught by rioters? It had been three days. Did they get food? Were they travelling incognito? Did they lose their way? Weren't they allowed to cross the border? Did they find fellow travellers? I hoped they hadn't taken a bus. Did they get help from the rangers?

At some distance, I could see a couple of bullock carts coming in this direction. A ranger stationed at the other entrance had surely seen them but was making no effort to beckon them. Probably because Khalsa College was over-brimming with refugees.
Refugees. I still hadn't become aquainted with this term. But this was our identity now, along with zillion other people.

I quietly rushed in the direction of the carts and looked over the boundary wall. As they entered the gates, I scanned the faces of the people only to realize that Randheer or Vashma weren't a part of them. The people got down to search for a place in the lawn itself to settle down.
Disheartened I slowly backed away into the rear part of the college compound, trying hard not to let my anguish turn to tears.
I stood there for some time in silence. I looked up at the red sun rising in the horizon and folded my hands in a quick prayer.
'Kaash aaj ka suraj mere Randheer ko waapas mere paas le aaye.'

I felt a hand on my shoulder. 'Shayad... aaj ka suraj sachi mein hum pe meherbaan ho?!', Radha chachiji said with unwavering hope in her voice. I half-turned towards her with a gentle smile.
'Toh chalo phir!', she said with urgency in her voice. 'Itthe khade khade toh na Vashma milegi aur na Damaadji!'
With a sigh, I gave her a brief nod and followed her back inside.

*

After a wash, we returned to the main hall. There, Veerji was kneeling down, tying the small bundle which contained a pair of each of our clothing. Of late, Veerji had become extremely stoical. He withdrew from conversations, hardly spoke. I could only see a silent fire raging within him - to find Vashma, to bring her back. The fact that bothered me the most was that I had no appropriate words to comfort him. We could just do our utmost and search for them in this enormous sea of people expelled from the West.
I and Radha Chachi quietly approached him and he stood up as soon as he saw us, ready to leave for the hunt. He scolded me for going out alone again and I insincerely agreed that I wouldn't repeat this again. We were about to cross the threshold when we heard the on-duty constables having a chat.
'..musalmaano ko toh khadedne mein koi kasar chhodi hai yahan logon ne?!', said one.
'Maine toh door door se aate dekhe musalmaan! Lakhnau, Kalkatta - na jaane kahan kahan se aa rahe apna boriyo-bistra baandh kar!', added another. We had made a habit of eavesdropping a bit on their conversations to get some news about refugees, some facts, some useful information which might help.
'Par sab apni khushi se kahan jaa rahe hai? Kitno ko toh dhakke maar kar apne hi mohalle se nikaal-feinka logon ne!', retorted another.
'Otthe 'Pakistan' mein Sikkhan-Hinduan naal koi behtar salook kita gia hai?! Ghar ke ghar jala diye gaye!', exclaimed the first one angrily.
'Humaari toh chowki se bhi saare Musalmaan police sipaahiyon se saari bandookein chheen li. Unki wardi bhi! Aur duty se barkhaast kar unhe Pakistan chale jaane ka hukm de diya Saahab ne!', one complained.
'Ab naya mulk banawaaya hai kambakhton ne zidd par aakar toh rahein wahin, 'apne' mulk mein. Humare yahan kyun haq jataana chahte hain?! Main toh kehta hoon ek ek musalmaan ko dhoond dhoond kar Hindustan se Pakistan rawaana kare sarkaar!'
'Bas lo, yahin kaam reh gaya hai ab sarkaar ka!', said one with a chuckle. 'Pehle wahan se jo ye logon ka sailaab aaya hai use to samhaal lein hum. Fir dekhi jaayegi'
'Waise yahan bheetar jo refugee therein hain unme kuch musalmaan bhi aayein hai na?', one of them asked.
'Koi bewakoof hi hona hai jo Pakistan toh itthe aaya hoga', one said with a snort.
'Arey nahi, waakayi. Ek parivaar toh hai jo kisi musalmaan ladki ki khoj mein hai-'. They were probably talking about us.
'Bekaar hi ki umeed liye baithein hain woh -', before he could complete his sentence, another interjected. 'Main suna kal Hussainpura chowk par auraton ko be-aabru kar julloos nikaala gaya!'
I stood mortified there. A shiver ran down my body. Even the thought made my blood run cold.
'Ohde Phittemunh! Kisine roka nahi ohnu?!'
'Kiska dimaag kharab hai jo rokne jaaye kisiko?! Sabki matt maari gaayi hai! Ab Rab jaane ki hona hai is desh de logon ka!'
'Rab hi jaane!', someone said with a sigh.

Veerji shook my arm, bringing me out of the shock. His fist was clenched, his jaw tightened but expression unreadable. He held both our wrists tight and led us out.
He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. After a moment he just said, 'Aaj Loha Garh aur fir Durgiana chalte hain. Kuch bache hue school-collegon mein bhi dhoondlenge'
I nodded unmindfully, the horrifying images still not leaving my mind. I turned towards Radha Chachi. She too was visibly shaken. We simply continued on foot, crossing hundreds of people, all pauperized.

We combed through the registers of every refugee camp we found on our way, looked around frantically but no sign of either of them. I showed Randheer's photograph to every person I came across but no one had seen him anywhere. Morning turned to afternoon but the search seemed fruitless. We had a glass of lassi each, paying six annas for a three-anna glass. Further, we went to the Radio Station and got our temporary address noted down and requested for an announcement for their names, and checked for enquiries of our names - a routine we had followed for the previous three days too. The long queue at the Radio Station had consumed almost two hours.
We took a different route while returning to Khalsa College to look in more places. An entire marketplace had been set up in an area. All loot from the abandoned Muslim houses was put up on display. A rich Amritsari family was distributing free food to the refugees and an unruly crowd clustered there. We crossed several horse-mounted policeman patrolling.
On another side, small mountains of rice and lentils could be seen stacked up. We stopped by, to buy some.
'Bhaiji do pao aata aur adha ser dal baandh dijiye', Veerji asked amidst the mob.
'Aath aana hovega bhaiya', the seller said, his experienced hands already weighing the grains.
'Paanch aane hota hai. Kaise loot rahe ho bhaiji!', Veerji retorted.
'Daam toh yahi hai. Lena hai toh lo warna chalte bano!', the vendor grumbled.
Veerji bargained with for a while. I opened the knotted end of my duppatta where I had tied the money. About eighty rupees were left. We could survive for a couple of weeks but we would have to find employment soon. Radha Chachi pulled me on one side and pointed at her wrist. We both were wearing one gold bangle in each of our wrists.
'Amrit innu bech denge to kuch toh rupiye mil hi jaane hai na saanu?', she said hopefully.
I nodded approvingly but a moment later. 'Inhe bech toh denge par ekdo din ruk jaate hain. Ek baar Vashma aur Randheer mil jaayein. Uske baad. Vashma ke khaane peene ka khoob khayaal rakhna hai hume. Uske liye paise bachaakar rakhne honge hume. Kahin humse pehle kharch na jaayein', I said worriedly.
She too nodded in agreement.
I mumbled another prayer for Vashma and Kabir's well-being. I saw Radha Chachi do the same. By that time Veerji had returned with the grains tied in two newspaper pouches. We left for our refuge at Khalsa College.

*

I stoked the fire with a dry twig.
The compound of Khalsa college had turned into a hubbub of small cooking fires. The bricks lying around for probably the extension of the building were now used as makeshift fireplaces. The dal was ready to be eaten. I and Radha Chachi were making chappatis. Veerji were absentmindedly fiddling with a twig in his hand.

'Amru? Maa?'
'Ji Veerji ?', I turned towards him.
'Kal Hari Mandir Saheb chalein? Mainu lag rahya hai kuch Rab sade te mehr kare? Othe vi kinne log thehre hue hain.'
'Ohji changi gal hai! Zaroor savere hi chalte hain!', Radha Chachiji said with a pleased smile.
'Haan Veerji. Theek keh rahe ho tussi. Par main ik gal dassan?', I said hesitantly.
'Bol na Amru!', he said affectionately, still drawing gibberish on the ground.
'Tussi ek khat likhdo apne coach sahab nu...', I said meekly.
Immediately he reproached, 'Amrit-'
'Veerji ae kaam vi toh zaroori hai! Abhi is samae hum teeno mein ek aap ho jiske paas kaam hai. Aapka selection hua hai hockey team mein. Aisa na ho ki hum der kar dein. Aur coach sahab ka jawaab aane mein bhi samay lagega. Aap dekhna usse pehle hi Vashma aur Randheer ne waapas mil jaana hai hume!'
Radha Chachi chimed in, 'Haan aur jab sab mil jaayenge toh kaam ki zaroorat toh turant hogi na! Hum toh dhoond hi rahe hai unsab ko. Zyada din yahan bhi toh nahi reh sakte.'
'Aur aapki hockey team ka pata lagega toh hume ek jagah mil jaayegi, ek thikaana mil jaayega. Is waqt toh aapki hockey par hi sabkuch tika hua hai!', I added expectantly.
Today we had decided to gang up on him and we were not letting him go.
We looked at both of us one by one and then with a sigh, he said wearily, 'Maaf kardo mainu. Aajke dukh mein kal ke baare mein socha hi nahi maine'

'Koi gal nai puttarji! Humsab ne miljul ke sab cheezon ka khayaal rakhna hai.', Radha chachiji said sweetly. Both me and Veerji nodded with a weak smile.
'Aur sab cheezon mein khaana bhi aata hai!', she added. 'Aaj agar tussi dono mein se kisine bhi ache se khaana nahi khaya toh dono ke kaan marodne hai maine, woh bhi zor se!', she threatened, pointing a finger at us.
I and Veerji looked at each other and chuckled a bit and nodded obediently. We had actually been troubling her a lot.
After the meal we lied down in one of the verandas for the night, hoping and praying that the next day would bring our loved ones back.