𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐬

FORTY-SIX: going to chicago.

   

     AND THERE STEVE sat, at the end of the bed, looking at James who's sat up and was playing with the hand cloth in his hand. "What's... with the cloth?" Steve asked, chuckling softly and James glanced down at the cold towel. "Oh, uh, I like to wet it with ice cold water and put it over my face after I've cried." He says and Steve frowns.

"Why were you crying?" He asks and James shrugs, glancing away. "For fun? Keeping all your tears bottled up can result in very embarrassing emotional outbursts sometimes." He says and Steve furrows his brows, a bit confused by that. "Okay, you're not wrong but I can tell you're... lying." He says and James glanced up. "You know my tells already?" He asked, a bit alarmed by this information.

"You avoid eye contact." Steve chuckles and then glanced away. "Uh... I had a little talk with your dad and I realized I also needed to have one with you too." He says and James just stares at his side profile. "You're not gonna break up with me, are you? You're not the first person he's done this to, he terrorized Mike into lying to El and also some kid named Jake into not asking out Sara to the Snow Ball." He says a bit too fast paced.

"Slow your roll, you're sounding like Robin." Steve says and James chuckles a bit too forcefully then his face grows serious as the Harrington then sighed. "I'm not breaking up with you, but there is something that you need to know. Uh... me and your dad--" "please don't tell me you guys hooked up or something because that's really gross, at this rate you've done nearly all my whole family that's your age or of the legal age!" James exclaims and Steve leaps forward, covering his mouth.

"That is so disturbing! Don't ever say that again." He says with a grossed out stare and James furrows his brows. "Then what about you and Jim?" He asked and Steve retracts his hand. "He was my sponsor... when I went to AA meetings. I use to say really bad stuff... like, to his face when I'd fall off the wagon. Stuff about his story with Diane, stuff about you too that I've heard from him and they were all bad but it was when I was drunk and... being stupid." He sighed then leaned back.

"I guess that's why your dad was so protective. Because of the asshole shit I use to do... I'm sorry. I never should've used you or your mom or anything bad against him when I was in the exact same spot he was in." Then suddenly the memories flood James' mind. Except... the Jim in them were suddenly replaced with Steve. What if it happened again?

What if Steve fell off the wagon and said stuff like that to him? He wasn't so sure if he'd be able to handle any of it. "Oh." Was all he could say and Steve is a little confused. "Oh?" He copies James who looked away, laying down. "That's... cool." Is all he says as he lays the cloth over his face again and the Harrington is even more confused. "He... he, uh, forgave me. I guess that's the thing with addicts and alcoholics, they kind of understand so they can't stay mad forever." Steve said and let out a soft chuckle then stayed quiet.

"Are you mad at me, Jamie?" He asked, leaning closer and James didn't move. "No... no," he quickly said because just like with his dad, he can't share how he feels or felt about the whole thing. It's not like Steve's alcoholism ever affected him in any way, only Jonathan and Jim when it was happening. Only Steve's old high school friends. Only them so it's not like it was James' place to ever get upset.

But the what if lingered on his mind like a broken record. He didn't want what his dad was like towards him for most of his childhood, he didn't want that in a partner he sees himself one day marrying. "Do you want me to go? I can go..." Steve offers in a soft tone and James practically hits himself and beats himself over in his head because he realized he was being selfish at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. He was prioritizing himself over Steve.

So he quickly sat up. "No, no," he reached out, grabbing Steve's hand in his gently. "Uh... I just... I don't know, I'm worried, I guess?" He asked and Steve furrows his brows. "Worried?" He asked and James sighs. "I'm an overthinker, I'm sorry I'm such an overthinker." He whispers and Steve nods. "No, it's okay... what's worrying you?" He asks in his soft tone again that made James turn to mush.

"Like... if you were to fall off the wagon again, I just, like, can't go through something like that. Again." He says and Steve looks down. "Oh." He mumbled, turning away and James honestly feels even more shitty. He didn't mean to hurt Steve's feelings.

"Fuck, I realized how that sounded, it's just--" "I know, Jamie... I know. It's... hard to completely trust addicts or alcohlics, the shit I heard in... AA meetings, it was like worse than what I've done, and... a lot of their family and loved ones turned away from them because it's all the same right? I'll get better, this is the last time, I'm better now, then they're not, and you're right, you don't deserve to live with that worry." Steve looks at him and James sighed.

"I didn't--I didn't mean it like that. I swear." He whispers and Steve just glanced down between them. "I'm fine now though. Doing way better than I was in high school, you don't have to worry... about me." He said and reached out, taking James' hand in his.

"I love you though, even if anything were to happen, I'd stick it out with you to the end... I mean it, really, when I say I love you. I'm just an overthinker." James says then glanced down at their hands, rubbing Steve's hand. "I know." The Harrington sighs and the Hopper glanced up. "Can I have a kiss?" He whispers and Steve nods, smiling softly.

James connects his lips to Steve's, sealing his promise to Steve in it before pulling back. "I'm doing far better now though, don't have to worry, okay? Those beers I had before is, like, my limit, I guess. I only ever have beer. Rock bottom is only hard liqour. And honestly, even when you hit rock bottom, there's something even lower, right?" He says as he shook their hands together, fiddling with James' thumb. "Yeah, well, I believe in you." The taller smiled then leaned down to kiss him again.

"I have had temptations like a while ago, but that's just, you know, shit I was dealing with." Steve chuckles softly and James frowns. "Yeah? Like what?" He asked and Steve's smile faded away. "You pulling away from me and... getting back with Eddie." He says quietly and James looks down. "Oh." He says and Steve just raised his hand, cupping his face.

"It's all good now." He mumbled, leaning in to press another kiss to James' lips, this time the other pulled him closer and laid back, pulling Steve on top of him. "Aren't I heavy?" The older pulled back, chuckling softly and James shook his head a bit. "Nope, not at all." He said as his arms are now tight around Steve's waist. "Oh..." The Harrington chuckles, leaning down to connect their lips again.

James' hands tangle in his hair and Steve feels like he's lost in here, in James, his lips, his bed, his arms. He feels like he could stay here forever and be content with it. He loves James. He's in love with James Hopper Jr. It felt unreal. He pulls back, giggling a bit and sighing as he sat up, putting his hands onto James' waist. "Everything okay?" The Hopper caressed his arms gently, staring up at him.

"Yeah... Everything's perfect." Steve smiled widely before leaning down, attaching his lips back to his boyfriend's who flipped them both over and pulled back. James' arm is wrapped around Steve's waist as his other free hand interlocks with his boyfriend's, pressing it down into the mattress as they kiss when there came a loud knock at the door.

"Fuck," James muttered and sat up onto his knees. "Yes?" He called out. "It's me and the boys!" Jonathan. He rolled his eyes and sat onto the side of Steve. "Come in?" He says a bit loudly and his brother came rushing in with Argyle, Rhys and Eddie in tow. "What?" He says, crossing his arms.

"We're going to Chicago, baby!"

 

authors note
road trip chapters are coming up <33