T.O.R.N.: There's Only Right Now

Chapter 2 Asante

5:55 am, Asante opened her eyes and looked at her clock. Once again, she cheated herself out of the last five minutes of slumber before her alarm was to ring. Why was she always so "Ready for the Day"? She recalled the song of her childhood. This made her smile for a moment, but the water that stung her eyes quickly replaced her joy with pain from her heart that the memory brought back. She hadn't consciously thought of Stella and Aissa in over ten years. She had done quite well at compartmentalizing her tragic childhood in order to survive and since she gave up looking for her sister, that part of her life died. She rationalized that the double shifts at the hospital must be getting to her and got out of the bed.

Her twenty-five-hundred square foot penthouse apartment at the Paramount, overlooking San Francisco's breathtaking skyline, was a reflection of Asante's determination to not be defined by unfortunate circumstances. The décor, layout, and functionality of her space emulated her meticulous need for order and control. Nothing was out of place. She walked through her all-white home with pride and satisfaction until she reached the kitchen where her espresso waited for her, piping hot. As she sipped, she breathed in the aroma of the Columbian beans mixed with the Vanilla Orchid, which adorned her marble countertop. She made it, she was Dr. Asante Argueta, in control of her life and nothing would stop her.

In the shower, she began to mentally go through her day which she memorized the night before as she fell asleep. Eight am--triple bypass surgery with Mr. Seager; fifty-five, ex-smoker, morbidly obese, diabetic, high-risk. Three-thirty pm--Heart Valve Replacement Consult with Miss. Garner; seventy-two, athletic, great health, low risk. As she continued to review her cases, Asante's thoughts were interrupted by a vision of the eyes of Mr. Seager's daughter. Asante met with the family the day before for a consultation on today's procedure. The mixture of fear and love in the girl's eyes struck Asante in a part of her soul that she thought was lost.

Asante knew all too well the trauma of losing a parent, losing the security of home that one's family provided. Even with all of her accomplishments, a hidden void was within her that she wouldn't wish upon an enemy much less this young girl who somehow reminded Asante so much of herself. Her experience and training would not let her make a verbal promise, especially in light of such a high-risk case. But now standing under the hot water beating on her back, she decided that she would not lose Mr. Seager on the operating table today, no matter what.

"Good morning, Dr. Argueta," Massah, one of Asante's residents, greeted her as she entered her office at St. Mary's Presbyterian. "Are you ready for the day?"

Feeling as though she had been pushed out of her body momentarily, Asante snapped back "What did you say to me?"

Massah looked like she stepped in it, though not sure what she did wrong, and not wanting to displease her Attending. She stammered, "I...I just was asking if you were, ready for Mr. Seager, not that you wouldn't be...or are in any way unprepared, it was just a figure..."

"I misheard you," Asante assured her, as she cut her off as promptly as she could, realizing that she was the one being weird. Why was she so anxious and triggered again by that phrase? "Yes, I'm ready, meet you down there in twenty." Massah left promptly, not sure what to make of the interaction.

Two hours later, after Asante had cut through the pericardium and was to begin replacing the blocked arteries with the healthy blood vessels from Mr. Seager's leg, her fears materialized. Massah accidentally damaged two of the three healthy veins. It was a complete freak accident. She actually sneezed while handling them and cut them, leaving them unviable. Massah looked at Asante over her mask with tears and regret in her eyes.

Massah and the entire room began to fade away from Asante's view. The open chest cavity of Mr. Seager became all the more vivid from her perspective. She could feel the pumping of his blood through the bypass machine in her ears, sweat began to drip down her brow as she steadied her hands. Mr. Seager's life hung in the balance with only moments to define his fate. She felt her unspoken promise embody her being and then a rush of air blew into her ears. Her body quickened from the sensation as it startled her at first, but as she gave it more attention, the blowing only became stronger, almost willing her to act. In the midst of this wind with an unknown source, a complete peace and knowledge of what she must do came over her.

Asante picked up the first of the damaged arteries and moved toward Mr. Seager's chest. She could faintly hear Massah's protest.

"Dr. Argueta!"

Almost in a trance, Asante's turned to her and uttered, "You must have been mistaken Massah, everything is as it should be." She continued on with the surgery with the complete assumption that the arteries were whole and the bypass would work. She shut out any other possibility and worked with every part of herself from that desired end. A few minutes later Mr. Seager was taken off the bypass machine and checked. His heart was pumping on its own. Massah was in complete shock, questioning if she had actually damaged the healthy veins in the first place. What did she just witness?

Asante gave Massah a confident smile. She was happy but unaware of anything out of the ordinary. She celebrated with an inward sense of completion feeling satisfied in the knowledge that she kept her innermost promise. Nothing more, nothing less.

Stenciled in bronze letters on a large teak door read, "Dr. Brennan Valdis, Surgeon-In-Chief". Asante grinned to herself as she knocked, knowing why she had been summoned to the preverbal principal's office. She had been a bad girl.

"Come in," She heard a rich baritone voice say from inside the office. She entered.

"Dr. Valdis," the words dripped from her lips.

"Dr. Argueta, close the door." He came from around his large teak desk and stood squarely in front of her. He was a good foot taller than she and his green eyes pierced hers as he grabbed her. They embraced while he kissed her lips with aggression yet coupled with gentle precision. He literally took her breath away. Asante smiled, her dimples creased into the depths of her cheeks as they separated. "Why haven't I seen you in seventy-two hours and we work in the same hospital?" He inquired.

"Did you really call me here to look at my pretty face?" She bantered back.

"That's not the only reason, I called you here." His tone changed. "Tell me about the Jared Seager case."

"Well, he's two days post-op, recovering nicely from what my residents tell me. Why?" Asante was genuinely curious. Brennan searched her face for any tells.

"Well, speaking of your residents, Massah David had a very interesting story about what happened in the operating room." There was a long awkward pause, while they both waited for the other to speak. Brennan broke the silence, "What's your explanation?"

"I'm sorry, an explanation for what?" Asante retorted with clear indignation.

"For using what appeared to be damaged veins in a bypass surgery?" He seemed to lose his temper a bit. His coloring changed as tiny beads of sweat broke out on his forehead.

"They weren't damaged." Asante shot back.

"How do you know? Did you examine them?"

"I don't recall, is there a problem here?" Asante began to feel uncomfortable and shifted in her stance. Again, Brennan seemed to be searching her face for something. Another long silence stretched the distance between them.

"Actually, no. The real reason, I called you here is Seager turns out to be loaded and made a five million dollar donation to the Cardiology Department this morning." Brennan offered.

"Wow, that's generous!" Asante smiled through her teeth, although she felt like she was outside of her body and was going to be sick upon hearing this news.

"Well, the board would like to thank you personally and Fairchild himself wants to hold a dinner at his estate this Saturday night in your honor!"

The pit of Asante's stomach began to churn with fear. She was confused by the reaction within herself but disregarded it, instead smiled and said, "I'll be there. Will you be my date?"

"Of Course, I'll pick you up at seven thirty." He looked down at her and they embraced once again.

The feeling in her stomach intensified. Asante had to get out of there. "I have a consultation in thirty." She lied. "I got to go, I'll call you later," her voice trailed behind her as she rushed out of his office.

After his door closed. Dr. Valdis picked up his cell phone and texted a number he entered manually from memory. Saturday is confirmed. No awareness of what she has done. It'll be such a waste if you are wrong. He pressed send. Then deleted the message from his phone.