"Laughing faces do not mean that there is the absence of sorrow!
But it means that they can deal with it" ~ --William Shakespeare
~
Years were passing but Shanza did not care and did not even pretend to fear anyone except for one man. the man who had always tricked her brain out, who had always been brutal, always scolded her, yet she didn't acknowledge her fears, with this man right behind her back always guiding her through life. but no one, not even Shanza knew how her life was shifting. moving in a slow rhythm, she never expected to be treated the way he had treated her, he had made her confront her father in front of him.she thought she hated the man but didnt know she would be infatuated with himanin amtter od time .she didn't care enough to know, a young girl, a highly respected princess, a shining daughter, thinking about her future, her life goals, the marital consent, she would have laughed at herself right now if someone would have told her about the truths she had been never told about, truths that only he knew. The truth she will find out very soon but for now, she was grateful for the life she was leading.
She visited her therapists regularly now and did take her medications on time but her unconscious mind never settled, signaling something wrong, even in her sleep she could see the demons following her.
She could hear the screams and the violence and everything dark
DARK
DARK
She still breathed heavily in her sleep.
She still could feel creatures coming behind her back only to ruin her calm, to leave her tensed.
She would hear voices, she would hear her mother's scream every time she went to sleep.
Every time she felt safe, her safe was destroyed.
The days went by. She kept her secrets safe with her . she knew no one would ever get to know her. no one would come to rescue her but herself so she di. She kept her beliefs strong and her chin high and went through life.
Learning, creating, in her world. An inside world only she knew about.
She did her job, her second secret. She knew she was exceptionally good with computers so she did use her power over them. texting and turning and twisting the worlds in the most under login-ed page. Keeping her blogs and interest to the next level. She kept this thing from her father she knew it was dangerous, and it made her fun with the computers more enjoyable than anything she had ever done.
Shanza had been a good girl all her life but this time she did vow to herself that she will use her extraordinary power for a cause and she did, with everything she could do with the tactics of the computers and the mind of genius paired together was a great cause, until one day when she realized she had been fooling herself getting into an underworld file was no joke and she had encrypted one ,without the consent of the files,and when she did find her hands getting on them. She couldn't help but open them, not knowing that her life would turn and twist all in one .just by this wrong move . As soon as she encrypted those files, codes were struck and her laptop her dear laptop had flashed a warning signal, squeezing the breath out of her lungs .
she should not have done that.
Oh, she had faced hell before but this was clear destruction. Knowing very well about her father's relation with the bloodhounds and the file that she had decoded belonged to one of the enemies of the bloodhound she was in no way in peace at all, the Scillions. They had their fair share of business in her kingdom as well and pissing them off meant, the war between the;Bloodhounds and the Scillions, preparing her mind to get through all the bullshit she had pulled .she cursed herself for opening the dam blog and the damn filed. it may cost her very much, if her father got to know about her being the cause of the war she sure as hell was doomed. And she didn't want to have her father back away from her. Not when she had no family except him. She thought she must find a way through her life. This was the first time she had done something she shouldn't have, this was the first time she felt helpless she wanted, to hold onto something, she wanted to creep out from her own body and hug herself and tell her that it was okay and it would be alright.
She promised herself she won't pull any stunt after this.
But she was wrong
So very wrong.
This was the first wrong she had pulled.
Now the counting began.
As the years passed.
~
Bildiğim tek şey hiçbir şey bilmediğimdir.
"All I know is that I know nothing."
Esteban:20
Shanza:16
My hands were trembling to look at the flash on the screen. my eyes stood still over the notification. oh shit, this wasn't supposed to be like this. I was ruined I knew it but my mind couldn't get through it as easily all the consequences lineup in my head one by one, I tried to jerk them off but it didn't help. I need to do something but who? This information can beebeebdisgusteddd by anyone. It must be told to someone who could fix it but a professional nonetheless, and there would be no guarantee if it would be used against me. I was ruined, really bad. I pulled my hands around my arms comforting myself but this was no easy thing, especially not oh I hacked some enemy's files and I can sleep now.
I was infuriated with my, am I going to tell my ml no, I can't handle the embarrassment I would have to go through in front of him and it would worry him more? ? had to do something but I didn't even know.
I shut down my laptop, straightening the nightdress as I stood up and and and and andndalkedast the doors ordering my maid to bring me tea I slipped into the balcony picking up my phone I went through the database collection, arched about how to retrieve the files but It didn't work, how was it supposed to anyway? I had been so stupid to break into the documents illegally and it shook the hell inside me.
God.
Turning to look up at the sky maybe one day, I thought one day I would crack open the ceilings and I would fly away from here, from all the problems I have created for myself. One day I would let go of all the burden heavy on my shoulders and I would scream my lungs out.
One day.
I pulled up my phone again to call, someone who might help me as he agrees to be my friend, my only friend.
"Hello Daniel," I say in a low voice.
" Shanza, how are are are you doing?"
" not good actually, I need your help"
" go on I am listening" his voice shifts from cheerful one to serious.
" it is quite awkward but could you come here to Zaria? it is quite important and I don't know if I could trust anyone buys you?' I explain.
"wait, like I need to come over ? is everything alright?stanza?" he is worried now.
"yes I am, but I did something stupid with someone you actually might get furious with, and I can't talk about it here right now, "I say.
" don't worry I will be there in a few days if you could adjust with that"
"tally fine, but don't tell my father that I told you to come to make an excuse about it"
" anything else my lady? " he asks coming back to his natural tone.
" no, I will be waiting then," I say.
A mere drop of sweat fell on my forehead and I felt a little relieved.
