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"You okay?" My mama asked me after handing me my ice cream and I nodded with a slight smile.
"Ma I'm fine I don't know why you keep asking me that." she put her hands up in surrender.
"Your the calmest person I've ever seen after getting cheated on, I mean I passed out shit I almost died."
"Dad cheated on you?" I asked shocked, my dad does not look like the cheater type, he worships the ground my mom walks on.
"Oh girl no, he cheated on my alter ego." she said in a dark and deep voice. I laughed, "Ma you crazy,"
*if ykyk
"But for real baby you sure you okay? You know I hate when you and Nuni bottle up y'all emotions."
"Yes mommy I promise I'm fine, if I ever feel any type of way I promise you'll be first to know." I told her opening my icecream.
"Okay good, your aunties are coming over. It's your choice to tell them about your pregnancy or not."
"If you want to stay in the room I'll tell the boys not the bother you also I'm not sure if the twins are coming." She informed me.
I nodded, I still have yet to let any of my family know that I am with child except the twins. They haven't told anyone either.
I don't know if I want to tell my brothers or cousins because they are very aggressive and if they found out he got me pregnant and cheated they'll definitely try to ruin him.
I definitely don't need that, Kota still thinks we're together. He's not a stalker like everyone else so he didn't noticed me delete everything of us.
However if he found out he might just kill that boy, with his bare hands. So I am not risking it at all.
"I'll keep it to myself," I said throwing on a baggy hoodies "Kk whatever you need I'm downstairs," she kissed my cheek.
I sighed when she left the room, things have been so hard. I'm not hurt or sad about Jessiah cheating, I mean he had me at first but it was too good to be true.
I'd practiced over 4 times a day how I'd react if we broke up or he cheated so I wasn't Burt hurt about it.
Maybe that's psychotic but that's just my view in life, I set myself up for failure so none else has the chance too.
It's not even about Jessiah, hiding my baby, growing over night, the changes in how I am all of it.
It's overwhelming but I don't want to tell my parents I'm struggling to come to terms with my pregnancy because they're overprotective.
They do the absolute most when it comes to my mental health and sometimes I appreciate it but other times I wish they'll tone it down.
Like when Amari and I broke up after barely even dating they did the MOST. Like over the most they over did it so much.
They was showering me with gifts and flowers and all that like I was just so heartbroken and I could careless.
However I understood where they were coming from because when I was going through hell I hid it from them.
The way they found out I wanted to kill myself was a letter that I had in my journal just sitting out by accident.
My mom came to put my laundry up and saw it on my dresser. She showed my dad and they were so overbearing.
They did address me about it until 2 nights later when my dad walked in on me crying. I had just seen the boy with another girl.
I was so depressed and I hid it for 4 months tops, then just when they thought I was 'fine' I tried to unsliced myself leaving my 11 year old sister to find me.
*she was 13 at the time.
It was just too much for me and I don't want one little slip up to have them on my backs. I'm already a whole 6 weeks into mommy hood .
I'm good at distracting myself so maybe I'll just buy more baby stuff to help me cope and focus on little tink.
