Summer in our bones ✓

35 | everyone's a winner

When I walk down that tunnel I walk into a wall of silence so heavy so absolute I hear my own blood pumping. Every breath I take is as loud as a thunder.

And then that buzz, that hum, that pressure building as I'm walking out. I step into the place brimming with noise. Roar I have never heard before in my life pierces my ears, giving the biggest high a person can get, a shot of adrenaline. I'm a gun ready to fire. I need this win.

As the whistle blows I start running for the ball and don't stop. I let myself feel it all, it's going through my body, the euphoria, the confidence, the love I have for this game.

The opposition are the team on top in their country and playing them is never easy. Our score against them isn't that great, only two wins and three loses. A few minutes in and they are effortlessly staring to edge towards our goal. Chance after chance, it feels like this is going to slip out of our hands. Half-time and still nill-nill on the score sheet but my teammates start pushing, creating more chances. I run like I've never run before, wound up too tight, knowing this can't be lost. I waited for this moment, for my family and my boyfriend to be here sitting in the same box, knowing that whatever the end result would be they'll be proud of me but still wanting to give them that joy.

I blast down the pitch, slide a foot in between the opponent's player legs and capture the ball, turning around quickly and I run towards the goal. I see it clearly then—only the goal in front of me, no defensive players in sight, the goalkeeper speeding and spreading his arms and legs in order to make himself bigger. But there is only one way this will go. I dodge around him and flick the ball once, second time. The sweat in my eyes and pain in the muscles and the noise around me doesn't matter as I take the final swing at the ball aiming for the top right corner of the goal. The net shakes. It's in! Five minutes before the final whistle and the ball was in. I score a winning goal.

The grin erupting across my face makes my cheeks hurt as I run in my teammates arms. They're lifting me, hugging me, cheering me. The stadium shakes with deep thunderous celebration and excitement and I point at the crowd, that place where he sits. I can't see him from here but I know he sees me. I bring my fingers to my lips and blow a kiss. For you, my sunshine. For our future.

The whole place vibrates with euphoria when the referee signals the end of the game and my team jumps in delight. It's madness around me. People start pouring onto the grass pitch to join us in celebration and there are only smiles and tears and claps.

My teammates are running to the stands for high fives and handshakes and quick interviews with TV reporters. Some hug their waves and lift their children off the ground spinning them around, others kiss their girlfriends with smiles bigger than the world.

I want that. To be able to stand up and declare my love in front of millions of people. Proudly. I turn my head and spot him in the distance, standing between my parents and Sonya and Marc, sharing hugs between each other. And in a split second he catches me staring. I have trouble looking away, his lips gradually stretch into a smile. I'm gone. I'm completely fucking in love with him. I want to be with this guy always. I want that more than anything. More than being inside an international football stadium. Everything about him grips me and tugs like a magnet. So I push through the crowd.

His eyes meet my eyes again as I move closer, a urgency pulsating inside me. I go to him like an invisible rope is reeling him to me, not breaking the penetrating eye contact. I find my way into the stands, and when he realizes what I am doing million unspoken emotions pass between us. His eyes melt with unshed tears. The affection I see in them is so powerful it's surprising no one else can see it.

As I jump over a few plastic seats with random people clapping my back, congratulating me, I find myself in front of my family, all jumping and screaming at the top of their lungs, with pure unbridled happiness. They hug me but I can't tear my eyes off his smiling face standing behind them.