on deck; a. judge

24.

[a]

I think it was safe to say that Ellie and I were doing good. It was random of me to ask her out and put a title on what we are, which meant I couldn't be sleeping around anymore. That was definitely something I am going to adjust to, I don't know if I was going to be able to, honestly...

Sounds shitty of me, I know. But, I've said it before, I'm scared. I'm scared of being hurt. I'm scared of hurting myself, and I'm scared of hurting Ellie. The last thing I want to do is break her heart, which is why I don't understand why she even decided to catch feelings or even decide that being my girlfriend was a good idea.

I'm a mess. I'll be the first one to admit it. I don't think I'm perfect, far from it. I pride in trying to perfect myself, I have a professional image I have to keep up with, perceiving that I'm some pefect young man playing baseball and who's the best in the American League. It wasn't that easy, I really wish it was, but it's really not. I have to be careful with what I say, what I do, how I act, anything could be used against me and tarnish my image. It would only make me beat myself more than I already do.

There's sometimes I wish that I was a lesser-known version of myself, it was nice to be able to leave games and feel relaxed and not so pressured about everything. But, I guess that's why I'm glad I have Ellie in my life. She's someone I can come home to and vent about my day or just to leave everything outside the door before walking in and seeing her sweet smile greet me as I escape reality.

====

Today wasn't any different. We had been back in New York for a couple of days but I was still exhausted from the road trip. It was nice to see my family, for sure, but I do wish that I had more time to rest. I needed sleep, and I just wanted to lay in bed. But even on off days, I was busy working my ass off.

I walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge to see Ellie must've gone grocery shopping when she wasn't working. She had the advantage of working from home whenever she wanted since all of her work was online. Lucky her. I grabbed some fruit and a bagel and threw it in the toaster so I could at least get something in my stomach before forcing myself to get back to the ballpark for more baseball shit.

Ells walked in the kitchen just wearing my shirt, her hair up in a messy bun. "Look at you, making breakfast." She smiled and walked over by me, wrapping her arms around my torso, standing on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. "You were kind of tossing and turning all night, did you sleep okay?"

"Could've slept better. Just been lacking on sleep from traveling so much." I told her, cutting up the apple and offered her a slice. "I have some press shit to do at the stadium today and some interview with ESPN." I roll my eyes, "Even on my days off, I can't just lay in my bed and relax.

She frowned, rubbing my arm. "Well, hopefully it won't be too long? Maybe it will only be a couple of hours then you can come back home and I'll make you a nice dinner and we can cuddle?" She suggested, and I could hear the concern in her voice.

I nodded. "I think I would like that." I replied, taking a sip of water. "I really just wanna lay down and sleep.."

"I bet.." She told me, looking up at me. "But hey, you look cute." Ells smiled at me, earning a small smile out of me. She always knew how to better my mood.

====

I was stressed after all of that press bullshit. I never felt so bombarded and overwhelmed when it came to baseball. I didn't know what came over me, but I was super snippy and just wanted to be alone. I was bombarded with questions about me possibly dating someone, and how I would handle a love life and whatnot. I don't like discussing my personal life with the media, they can skew it and take it however they wanted to.

I walked in the apartment, shutting the door behind me and walked right past Ellie who was in the kitchen, putting away groceries.

"Aaron.." Ellie hums, looking over at me. "You okay?"

I nod. "Yeah, fine.." I mumble, continuing my way to my room.

"Are you sure, A? We --"

"Ellie, I said I'm fucking fine." I snap at her, causing her to flinch. I just shake my head as I slam the bedroom door shut.

I'm not bothered by Ellie for a while, which was almost good in a way. Good to know she knew when to stay the fuck away. I open my bedroom door, peering down the hall to see if there was any commotion going on. I assumed Ellie retreated back upstairs. I walked into my lounge, closing the door behind me and sat in one of the bean bag chairs, taking a deep breath.

Before my thoughts can consume the empty space in the room, my phone buzzes and I just groan, pulling it out to see it was Giancarlo.

"Hey." I say into the phone. I always knew that G just had this instinct feeling when I was in a shit mood.

"Hey man." He huffs out a breath.

"Tell me you just finished working out, please." I tell him, chuckling lowly to myself.

"Yeah." He laughed. "Just finished up my workout. Wanted to call you and see what's up. Guys were saying you were pretty pissy during media."

Of course they did. I sigh. "I'm fine, Just irritated and overwhelmed with everything.."

"I'm all ears."

"Well, I asked Ellie to be my girlfriend, like unofficially but officially and I'm already getting questions about the relationship."

"Well shit, Judge. I knew you cuffed that girl." G laughs.

I nod my head. "But I'm starting to wonder if maybe it was too soon.."

"What makes you think that?"

I let out another sigh. "I know that me taking advantage of her feelings like that is wrong, because I know she couldn't fucking stand me at first and it was really a whole switch of me to start being affectionate towards her and not just want to get in her pants," I stopped. "Which, I have, but, after that is when I started developing feelings for her. And I already told her I was scared of falling in love.."

Giancarlo lightly chuckles. "You're really overthinking things, man. It's going to work out. For you, for Ellie. I think she's good for you. Stops you from thinking that you need to hook up with all these different girls to satisfy your needs."

I roll my eyes, leaning back. "I guess."

"Things are going to work out, I know they will," I nod at his words. "But hey, just wanted to check up and see how you were doing, you know you can hit my line whenever you need to vent or let out your feelings." He said and I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, thanks for calling me. Needed someone to talk to." I tell him before hanging up and just rubbed my eyes.

I had set my phone down for a couple of minutes before it pinged again. I looked at it to see I had a new text.

Laci: Hey. I'm in New York for work. Think we can talk?