on deck; a. judge

25.

[a]

I felt fucking gross for agreeing to meet up with my ex-girlfriend. Especially lying to Ellie about it. I didn't want her to know what I was doing, the last thing I needed was her getting the wrong idea. But, even me not telling her probably would give her the wrong idea. Going to meet up with the girl I dated for nearly five years, one I thought I was going to marry, and one I cheated on with and broke her heart? Yeah, that wouldn't fly with Ells.

We decided to meet at a Starbucks; I walked in, going to a table near the back where we probably weren't going to be disturbed. I take a sip of my coffee, snapping my head up when I see a shadow figure standing there in front of me. Laci stands there, dark brunette hair falling just to her chest, her golden tan shining through her ripped jeans and t-shirt. She looked good.

"Hey Lace." I breathe out after just looking at her for a moment.

"Aaron," She sits down across from me. "Didn't think you'd keep your word."

"I'm not one that says one thing and does the opposite." I laugh, shaking my head. "You should know that about me."

"So why did you agree?" She asked, arms crossing over her chest.

I shrug. "You told me you wanted to talk. I figured we are grown adults, we can talk in person like mature people and have a civil conversation."

Laci nodded. "I guess so. How's baseball been? New York still treating you well?"

"I love it here. I have some great people in my life." I sigh, knowing she's going to ask a very unwanted question.

"You finding love?" Laci looked at me, taking a sip of her coffee. "Any girl catching your eye?"

I pause. Do I tell her about Ellie? What if she stalks her down and wants to end her? I was overthinking again, I really needed to stop that.

I nod at her. "Yeah, actually.."

Her attention goes from her drink to me again, "Oh? Spill."

I chuckle, shaking my head. "I live with this girl named Elliana. She's from Boston, and she's fucking amazing. She landed a job with the team, so we bonded over sports and we're sort of in a relationship," I begin. "I was kind of scummy to her at first, pissed her off, teased her. But a couple of days ago, I called her my girl and I'm falling in love with her."

"Well fuck, Judge." Laci laughed. "Glad to see someone is making you happy. That's all I want for you.."

I look at her, watching her facial expressions. "I haven't been in a relationship since I dated you. I was kind of just fucking around with girls I would meet over Instagram, meet at clubs, just acting gross. I think she's good for me.."

Laci nodded. "I'm glad you're changing your ways, A. Always good to see your face.." She tells me, her voice quieting down as she finished her sentence.

"Yeah? Always in the media if that helps you." I chuckle, looking at my phone to see Ellie had texted me a couple of times. I didn't reply, I would when Laci left.

"Oh, I know, Mr. Baseball. Breaking records, huh? Stepping up in the game?" She laughed, looking at her phone. "Shit, I gotta get going.." She stood up, "It was really nice to see you again, Aaron. Definitely will have to attend a game soon."

I smile at her. "Yeah, just let me know when. Probably one when we play the Mets or something."

"Definitely." Laci nodded, giving me a hug and kissed my cheek. "See you later."

And with that, she was gone. Again.

But this time, I wasn't sad when she left. It was more relief; I was under so much stress and anxiety, I didn't know what she was going to say, I didn't know what to expect. I mean, she did look good, but I had Ellie. Ellie is my girl.

===

Ellie was reading in her room when I got home and I smiled, leaning against her door. "Hey, you nerd."

She looked up from her book and smiled at me. "Hey you. How was your little meet up with your friend?" She got up, coming to give me a hug.

"It was good. Felt good to finally let it happen, feels great knowing that it's over.." I said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "What did you do?"

"I showered up, cleaned my room, did some dishes, and just been reading my book for a little bit. Who did you meet up with?"

Fuck.

I stayed silent for a second and I can see she's getting puzzled.

"Um..I..Laci.." I admit, watching her face fall.

"Why did you meet up with her?" She asked, the tone in her voice drastically changed.

"She said she was in town and asked if we could meet up and talk. I didn't really know what to expect, and I figured since I'm a grown man now, moved on from that relationship, I could go and have a civil conversation with her." I told Ells. "Nothing happened."

"But the fact that you kept it from me, when you could've ben honest. I would've been okay with it had you told me beforehand. But, you snuck around and tiptoed around it, avoiding telling me?" Ellie shook her head, moving her arms away from me.

"Nothing happened, Ells," I tell her. "I literally sat across from her the entire time and she gave me a hug before she left and that's all I let her do. I know she was trying to spark up something. But, I told her about you, and she stopped instantly."

Ellie looked at me, then down at her feet. "What if you fall for her again?" She asked quietly, avoiding the question.

"Hey, look at me." I tell her, tilting her chin up and gave her a kiss. When I pulled away, she just had this blank look on her face.

"What?" She asked.

I bit my lip, debating whether I should blurt out what I'm thinking.

I take a deep breath, looking in her eyes as I gulp very noticeably.

"I love you, Ells."