Super Dragon Ball: Paradise Hysteria

An Obligatory Hero's Journey

A large hybrid military-courier vessel punched through into the messy and devastated region where one could once find Jupiter but which was now occupied solely by wreckage and a bunch of cold and stiff, soon-to-be-dead bodies. Neither of the limp and lifeless bodies were conscious enough to appreciate the little beam of warmth that the vessel's tractor beam provided. Despite the lack of gratitude, one by one, the Galactic Patrol vessel scooped the wiped-out warriors that all together stopped an abominable monster known as Broly from tearing the entire universe asunder.

"I still can't believe you didn't even try to help them!" Tights pressed her knuckles to her sides, yelling at a humanoid-shaped alien with a sky-blue head and a purple scalp. "My sister is in there! She's not a crazy monster like those other guys, she can't breathe in space!"

"We are helping them. We're helping them right now, in fact..." Jaco let out a pathetic chuckle, desperately trying to conceal the fact that he was as terrified of his human tagalong as he was of the vicious rampaging Saiyan that threatened to destroy an entire universe just now. "And actually... You'd never guess it by just looking at it, but space is a lot more survivable than it initially seems. You can pretty much survive in it as long as it takes you to die of asphyxiation!"

"Don't spit trivia facts at me!" Tights delivered a killer right punch to Jaco's jaw while Galactic Patrolmen rushed about, warming up the chilled and unconscious bodies of the Dragon Team with gadgets curiously resembling hair dryers before placing them on levitating stretchers and dashing off to the medical chamber. "If my sister loses as much as 2 IQ points because of oxygen deprivation, you better believe it I'm telling the Galactic King!"

"Shhh...!" Jaco pressed his finger to his mouth, shushing his obnoxiously loud colleague and an honorary member of the Galactic Patrol. "I didn't hear you complaining when we were observing the battle on standby. You only got loud when Broly was taken care of. Deep down, you've got to know this was the right idea."

"Oh, was that what we were doing in a wholly different galaxy?" Tights pressed her knuckles to her hips and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"That's right. And you know as well as I do that battles as apocalyptic as this one need to be observed from a safe distance. Even then, our ship still felt the quakes and bangs. We'd have fled to the edge of the universe if someone hadn't forgotten to recharge our Expansion Escape Velocity Drive!" Jaco turned to an insect-sized alien with black eyes and antennae on his head. Sweating profusely, the tiny Galactic Patrolman fled from criticism, pretending to be busy accompanying the injured to the medical pods.

"We should take them to Earth. I trust the healing magic of the Earthling Kami and his attendant far more than I trust you cheapskates!" Tights stuck out her tongue in a mean-spirited gesture and turned away.

A shrill scream made Yamcha twitch and jerk up while still half asleep. The jerk inside the healing pod made him bump his head, which ruined his healing mood. A couple of powerful blows to the inside of the pod made the emergency shutdown procedure kick in. The vertical lid slid off, letting the healing solution that Yamcha was brewing in for a while now to drain off. Still cranky and aching in the joints, Yamcha peeked out to see what all the fuss was about.

"What do you mean you left it behind!?" Bulma flat-out roared, twitching with veins pulsing on her forehead. Even Yamcha had never seen her this mad, and he was known for making her irate from time to time when the two were still dating.

"What did you expect us to do? Just tractor all that scrap metal inside?" Jaco crossed his arms and turned away from Bulma with a pout.

"That "scrap metal" is worth far more than the entire useless Galactic Patrol flotilla!" Bulma bawled, leaning over Jaco while preparing to pounce on him and start clawing the yellow eyes out of the insufferable Galactic Patrolman.