Without A Trace

Chapter Twelve Closing The Gap

Chapter 12    Closing The Gap
 
 
Orlando sat on the edge of the deck with his long legs hanging over it and took another drag on his cigarette.  He welcomed the warmth of the late morning sun as it seemed to take the chill out of his aching body. He was still very sore and plenty tired but couldn’t bring himself to go back to the bed where he knew Viggo was probably waiting for him with a ton of questions. After getting ahold of his emotions in the hallway earlier, he’d used the bathroom and quietly made his way down to the guest bedroom intending to make full use of it until he discovered Sean was occupying the bed, so he opted to stay awake until Sean or Viggo got up for the day. 
 
With a deep sigh Orli ran a hand through his unruly hair and flicked the ashes from his cigarette.  He watched absently as they dropped down to the grass beneath him and thought about how he hadn’t had a smoke for four days. Now would have been a good time to quit, he pondered then chuckled to himself, yeah right he thought bitterly. What did it matter? Worrying about his health at this stage was useless. He had probably picked up some kind of disease from Len and Denver during his little stay with them and that was probably putting him at an even greater risk than any amount of smoking possibly could. He shifted his backside on the deck floor and winced as a sudden bolt of searing pain shot through his abdomen.  Tears misted his eyes as he reminded himself that he hadn’t asked for any of this to happen to him but then again, hadn’t he ? Hadn’t Len said that he’d been watching him for months and saw him for the sluttish whore he was?  Orlando bit his lip in order to stifle his sobs and once he got it under control he took another long pull on his cigarette.
 
So deep was he in his self loathing, Orli didn’t hear that someone had approached until they were standing right next to him.  He caught a glimpse of a sneaker clad foot out of the corner of his eyes and with a startled cry, leapt off the deck and landed on the ground below. He was about to bolt when the voice spoke. “Easy, it’s just me.”
 
Orli froze, then he recognized to whom the voice belonged and forced himself to look up to find Sean standing there, two steaming cups of coffee in hand.
 
“I’m sorry, Orlando. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I thought you heard me come outside.” Sean apologized. “I couldn’t sleep and when I heard you…..”he hesitated because, truthfully, what had awakened him was the younger Brit’s weeping echoing softly in the hallway. He decided to leave that particular bit of information out of the conversation for the time being. “…..moving about, I thought I might as well be useful and make you some coffee.” He held one of the mugs out to the young man. “Would you like some?”
 
Orlando took a step back and, dropping his gaze to the ground, shook his head. He automatically drew his arms across his chest wrapping them around himself protectively.
 
Sean sighed and, not particularity knowing how best to approach the nervous actor, squatted down, shifted, and then sat on the edge of the deck, mostly in the same manner Orli had done when he’d first discovered him out here. He set both coffees down beside himself. “Are you okay, Orlando?” Sean asked concerned. “Like to talk about it?”
 
Orlando again shook his head without raising his gaze from the ground and instinctively tightened his grip on his body.
 
Sean frowned at Orli’s protective stance and lack of verbal input. “You should, you know.” The older actor encouraged in a caring tone.
 
“I can’t.” Orlando whispered then gave Sean a quick uneasy look, not moving from his current spot.
 
“Why not?” Sean pressed gently. “No one’s going to judge you.”
 
“I just…..can’t.” Orlando repeated as he took yet another drag on his cigarette, all the while keeping his eyes downcast.  He couldn’t bring himself to look at his friend. He was too ashamed of what had happened, what he’d done.  He suddenly wondered if Sean had seen the pictures, the videos. He again felt the familiar sting of tears and squeezed his eyes shut against them. To think that everyone might have seen them really made him feel worthless and weak.
 
“Nobody thinks any less of you.” Sean assured as though reading the young man’s mind. “You need to talk to someone. Why not me?”
 
Immediately feeling even more uncomfortable and pressured, Orlando started to tremble. “I’ can’t.” he repeated then glanced up tearfully at Sean, the despair more than evident on his attractive face. “Please, just leave it alone?” he asked gently. “let it go?”
 
Sean studied Orlando closely, saw the uneasy embarrassment, and decided to back off. If he pressed now, Orli might just blow up and end up avoiding him. “Okay.” he nodded in agreement. “how about a cup of coffee and some quiet friendship then?”
 
Orlando swallowed hard and with a very shaky hand, brought his cigarette up to his lips and took a last inhale. He then dropped the butt onto the grass, stepped on it, grinding the fading embers into the earth with the heel of his sneaker, and wiped the tears from his eyes. With a lot of reluctance, he slowly stepped back over to the deck and hopped up onto the edge and settled down next to Sean.
 
Without a word, Sean picked up one of the mugs and held it out to Orlando who accepted it. “Thank you.” The younger Brit muttered as he put the mug to his lips and, squinting against the steam, took a small sip. Sean picked up the second cup and took a taste as well.
 
Both actors sat for some time, in awkward silence, and drank their coffee. Sean watched Orlando subtly in the way the young man swung his legs nervously over the deck edge, the way he fidgeted, and in particular, the way he gazed at the ground in order to avoid looking at him.
 
Finally, Sean couldn’t take the uneasy quiet any more and spoke cautiously. “You know Orlando, Viggo loves you with every fiber of his being. He lives for you and nothing that has happened over the last four days is ever going to change that. Can’t you at least give him the chance to prove it? Allow him to help you and be where he wants to be? Which is with you?”
 
When Orli looked up at Sean this time, tears were streaming down his cheeks. “Don’t you get it, Sean?” he pleaded firmly against his hitching sobs. “Don’t you understand that I can’t do that right now?” He quickly looked away and again brushed the tears from his face.
 
For fear of driving Orli away, Sean waited patiently and silently for him to continue talking. He didn’t want to interrupt what Orlando was obviously finding very difficult to say. It wouldn’t take much in order to deter the attempt at talking either, Sean surmised. The kid was as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof.
 
“Not now.” Orlando abandoned the urge of needing to express his carefully hidden feelings. “I can’t handle it Sean.” He said truthfully and gave the older man a sorrowful and pained look. “I’m not ready to talk about it. Not right now anyway, and I’m not too sure I’ll ever be able to be intimate with Viggo again either.” He sighed and looked down to his coffee mug as though seeking comfort from the liquid depths there. “I-I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to be close to any one again. Too much has happened to me.” He was afraid that if he let Viggo close now, that his older lover would want or expect him to be intimate within a few short days and he was not ready for it whatsoever. All though he didn’t want to, he’d rather end the relationship before that happened. If he did that, maybe he’d be able to salvage the friendship at least.
 
Sean let out a deep breath through pursed lips. He fully understood where the younger actor was coming from, but telling Orlando to try and pick up his relationship with Viggo right where they’d left off was not what he was suggesting.  “I’m not saying you should go back into your relationship as though nothing has ever happened.” He explained gently. “I’m just saying that maybe Viggo can help you over come this if you give him a chance to be there for you. To listen to how you feel and what you think. He’s not expecting you to be intimate with him. He just wants to be there for you. He loves you. He needs you.”
 
Orlando let out an exasperated breath and set his coffee mug down on the deck beside him. He then quickly got to his feet. “I told you I need time to think, Sean. Don’t push me.” He snapped as the renewed tears stung his eyes. Didn’t Sean understand what he was trying to say? Couldn’t his friend realize just how hard this was on him? Didn’t Viggo? “I just got home last night! Just leave me alone for awhile, let me handle it when I’m ready.” And with that Orli started for the door. “I’m going back to bed.” At this time any place else was more preferable and less stressful than where he currently was.
 
Sean watched, dejected, as Orlando disappeared into the house and shut the door. He turned back, looked out at the yard and took another swallow of his coffee. Nope, definitely not telling Viggo some of what Orlando had just said, he decided. Finding out that Orli was actually considering ending the relationship would certainly put the American in a downward emotional spiral, and right now Viggo didn’t particularly need any help in that department. Besides, getting the younger man to talk about what had happened to him and having him express his feelings about it was going to take a lot more skill than he or Viggo had to offer. 
 
The mobile phone in Sean’s jeans pocket started to abruptly ring and, momentarily startled, he almost dropped his mug of coffee in his lap.  Uttering a few expletives, he quickly set his mug aside, dug the cell phone out and flipped it open. “Yeah?” he answered even before he got the mobile to his ear to hear who was calling.
 
“How are things this morning?” the voice on the other end inquired.  It was Pete.
 
Sean sighed and glanced back towards the house. “Not too great.” He replied, hoping Orlando was well out of earshot in the house. “Why? What’s up?”
 
“I received a call from the police just twenty minutes ago. They found Orlando’s rental car out on the back road South of Viggo’s house.” The director stated. “Apparently there was no ID in it other than Orlando’s script and it had my name on the cover so they rang me. When I told them that the car was Orlando’s, they remembered Viggo’s phone call the other night and asked me if Orlando had shown up at home yet.  I told them that he had and they insisted Orlando meet them down at the station to claim the car so it can be released back to the rental company. They towed it to the main compound there to secure it.”
 
Sean let out another deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. Great, just what Viggo and Orlando needed right now. “Did they question you at all about what had happened?”
 
“Not really.” Pete responded. “I told them Orlando or Viggo would explain everything once they got there to sign the car out because I didn’t know what had initially happened.”
 
“That’ll work.” Sean commented with approval. “Listen, Viggo’s still asleep and Orlando just went back to bed. Do me a favor?”
 
“What?”
 
“Call the police station and tell them that Viggo will be down to sign the release later this afternoon or tomorrow?  I have to pick the right time to tell him and Orlando about it. Things aren’t running very smoothly here and I’m not too sure it’ll go over too easy with Orlando at the moment.  He’s pretty much frazzled. Maybe I can send Viggo to the police station and stay here with Orlando. Will you tell the police Orlando’s sick with the flu?  That way the kid won’t have to deal with the police until he’s ready.” Sean requested as he silently prayed that he’d be forgiven for his many sinful lies.
 
“Okay, that shouldn’t be a problem.  I’ll tell them Viggo will be there around three this afternoon or later tomorrow.  If there’s trouble I’ll call you back within the next half hour.” Pete stated agreeably.
 
“Thanks Pete.” Sean said in a grateful and relieved tone. “I’ll have Viggo phone you a little later this afternoon.”
 
“Good enough.” Pete replied then added. “How are Viggo and Orlando doing?”
 
Sean shook his head even though the New Zealand director couldn’t see him do it. “Orlando’s got some major issues that he avoiding rather ardently and Viggo’s trying to get him to talk openly about the kidnapping.”  There was silence on the other end of the cell for a few moments and Sean swore he could hear the gears of thought whirling in Pete’s head.
 
Finally Pete spoke in thoughtful hesitation. “Tell Viggo not to push Orlando right now, not to pressure him. He just got home last night.  Orlando’ll talk but he needs to deal with it in his own good time.”
 
“It’s to be hoped that Orlando’s own good time happens in short order. I tried to talk with him this morning and he balked me every inch. You could visibly see him fold up on himself.  If he doesn’t start talking soon, he may just lock it away in the dark recesses of his mind and never say anything about it and that’s going to create major problems for him down the road.” Sean commented with concern edging his voice. “And if that happens there’s not a chance on this little green island that he’ll ever begin to heal and neither will Viggo.”
 
“True enough.” Pete concurred. “He won’t change his line of reasoning if he doesn’t admit that what has happened to him is influencing his thinking. That’s the first step.”
 
“Exactly.” Sean answered contemplatively. “But I think he’s acknowledged the fact that it happened only he’s so humiliated and ashamed that it’s left him feeling less than worthy.”
 
“You realize that Viggo will have to bring in a psychiatrist.”  Pete pointed out.
 
“I’m painfully aware of that.” Sean agreed. “They’ll both need professional help even if they do start to confide in each other.”
 
“Well, don’t give up hope just yet. Orlando hasn’t even been home a full twenty-four hours. He’ll express himself soon enough I’ll bet. He just needs the continued support and encouragement.”  Pete advised. “Anyway, I’d better call the police back and make those arrangements for the car.  Elijah and I’ll be over this evening and we’ll talk more about this then.”
 
“All right, Pete, and thanks.”
 
“Talk to you later.” Pete concluded and hung up.
 
Sean sighed and flipped the mobile closed.  He slid it back into his pocket and again reached for his now cold coffee.  He was glad Pete and Elijah were going to come tonight.  Maybe a sense of normalcy would help calm both Viggo and Orlando enough so that they’d start to seek comfort and support in each other. With any luck they’d talk about the insecurities and feelings that the kidnapping and rape had created. It affected them both to a very large degree, only neither of them acknowledged just how much it influenced their current behavior.
 
A sharp clatter broke Sean from his thoughts and he quickly got to his feet, picked up his coffee mug and went back to the house guessing, rather prdicably, that it would be Viggo in the kitchen starting breakfast or more likely lunch, considering that it was half passed noon now.
 
When Sean opened the door he saw Viggo standing at the counter. “I see you’re up.” he said as he stepped into the kitchen and shut the door. “You sleep alright?”
 
Viggo glanced up from the cutting board, where he was currently dicing up a pineapple for a fruit salad, and shook his head. “Not particularly.” He answered as he absently shoved the fresh fruit, which included cherries, pineapple, pears, grapes, apples, and peaches, back from his cutting board.
 
Sean stepped over to the sink next to Viggo and poured the cold coffee from his mug down the drain. “You’d better start sleeping soon. You’re beginning to look terrible.” He stated as he gave Viggo a quick sweep with his eyes. “You aren’t doing anybody any favors by falling asleep on your feet.”
 
“I know. It’s just, Orlando……” Viggo paused at cutting up the fruit and looked at Sean. “He’s so quiet and distant. It’s almost painful to watch. I’m not too sure I know how to approach him.”
 
Sean refilled his coffee mug from the nearby pot, reached over and picked up a grape from the pile of fresh fruit. “You’ve got to shut it down, mate. You aren’t going to do him any good running in circles and you won’t be able to handle it if you’re not rested.” He advised as he popped the grape into his mouth.
 
Viggo nodded agreement and then continued to dice up his pineapple. “I suppose you’re right.”
 
Sean watched him for a few moments, then spoke tentatively. “Pete rang this morning.  The police found Orlando’s car out on the back road leading here.”
 
Viggo froze, knife in mid cut, and looked to Sean, blue-grey eyes filled with panic. “And?”
 
“They found Orli’s script in the car but no other ID so they rang Pete because his number was on the bottom of the script.”
 
Viggo set the knife down and faced Sean completely. “What else did they say?”
 
“Apparently the police remembered that you gave them a call when Orlando didn’t come home the other night. They asked Pete if Orlando arrived home okay. Pete said as far as he knew he had.  They want Orlando to go to the station today to sign the release for the car so that the rental company could claim it from the impound yard.”
 
“Orlando’s in no shape to go right now.” Viggo was beginning to move from panic to full blown anxiety.
 
“Relax.” Sean comforted. “Pete is going to tell the police that Orlando has the flu and can’t make it.  He’s also going to tell them that you’ll go sign the car out either later today or tomorrow.” He explained as he walked over to the stove, flipped on one of the top burners, and set a nearby frying pan onto it.
 
Viggo breathed a sigh of relief and again turned back to his fruit. “Thank God. There is no way I could get Orli down to the station short of dragging him there.”
Sean took four eggs from the fridge and cracked them into the now heated frying pan being careful not to break the yolks. “Speaking of Orlando, I was talking to him earlier this morning.” Sean told his friend as he reached three plates out of an upper cupboard and set them out on the table.
 
“Did he say anything to you?” Viggo wanted to know.
 
Sean shook his head. “No. I tried to get him to talk but he just wouldn’t. He kept saying he couldn’t talk about it right now, that he wasn’t ready. He said he needed time to think.”  The older Brit informed being careful not to deviate off the topic at hand. There was still no way he was going to tell Viggo what the younger man had said about terminating the relationship between the two of them. Sean then walked over to the stove and lifted the frying pan from the burner. “When I first went out onto the deck I guess he didn’t hear me. I startled him pretty bad.” Sean informed.  He peered into the pan and frowned. The eggs he had been cooking were hard. Damn he hated it when the yokes were hard.
 
Viggo had finished preparing the pineapple and hesitated with cutting the apple he’d just picked up. He turned to face Sean. “What did you do to scare him?” he asked carefully with instant concern edging his voice. His own fear was more than evident on his face.
 
Sean dumped the eggs into a nearby bowl and set the frying pan on one of the back burners. “He was sitting on the edge of the deck. I saw him through the kitchen window so I decided to take him a cup of coffee, but I guess he didn’t hear me as I approached him. As soon as I got within two feet of him, he literally flew off the deck and damn near ran. When he realized it was me he stopped, but he stood there hugging himself as though he was protecting himself from something.”
 
Viggo shook his head in anger and disgust, looked down at the apple he still gripped in his hand and squeezed it hard enough that the juices seeped out from between his clenched fingers. “This morning when I went to bed, he woke up.” he started to explain in frustration. “I asked him if he was all right and he said he was but that he needed to be alone, needed to think.” He looked at Sean, his eyes brimming with tears. “It almost tore me apart. He wouldn’t even make eye contact with me.”
 
“He wouldn’t with me either.” Sean added. “He’s ashamed of what’s happened to him, Viggo, and he blames himself.”
 
Viggo slammed the apple down on the cupboard and tossed the knife so that it clattered and skipped across the counter towards the sink. “I know. I’d like to find out what those sons of bitches planted in his head.” he seethed furiously as tears of helplessness trickled down his cheeks. He turned and faced Sean directly. “Just how much damage have they done to him? He may never be the same. How can I change what they’ve instilled in his mind?”
 
Sean returned his friend’s look with silent empathy. He too honestly felt that Orlando would never completely recover from his rapes but he wasn’t about to tell Viggo that. “I think with the right help this will fade and Orlando will be more capable of coping with it. Eventually he will become more like himself. It’s just going to take a lot of patience from all of us. We can’t push him, so we don’t pressure him into anything he’s not willing to initiate.”
 
“I just want to be able to hold him!” Viggo cried. “I just wish he’d confide in me, let me help him.”
 
“He will Viggo.  He’ll talk when he’s ready. It’s just too soon right now.”
 
“I’m afraid of loosing him.” The Dane confessed broken-hearted as he looked at the older Brit pleadingly. “He’s everything to me. I don’t want to loose him.”
 
“You won’t. Just give him the time he needs to sort things out. He’ll come around.” Sean assured. “Once we get breakfast made, I suggest that maybe you take yours as well as his to the bedroom. Eat together. That’s a good start. A small start but a start just the same. Maybe he’ll talk.”
 
Viggo nodded and although still feelings defeated, turned back towards the counter and with shaky hands, picked up the knife and the apple and started to cut it into thin slices. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” He agreed. “Maybe he’ll open up to me a bit more.”
 
“Just don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t.” Sean warned as he again placed the frying pan onto the stove burner. “Don’t expect too much.”
 
“All I can do is try.” Viggo told his friend.
 
“Oh, before I forget. Pete said he and Elijah are coming over tonight to talk to you and find out how Orlando is.” Sean relayed Pete’s message. “He’s going to tell you what the police had to say and he wants to talk to you about getting Orlando help.”
 
Viggo placed the diced apple into the salad bowl then looked at Sean frowning. “Talk to me about getting Orli help?” he felt his ire rising instantly. Didn’t Pete think he knew how to handle this situation?
 
“Apparently.” Sean responded.
 
Viggo turned sideways to face Sean and leaned his arm against the counter top. “I think I can manage this situation.” He said defensively.
 
Sean could sense Viggo’s anger rising and quickly intervened to disarm it before it got too out of hand. “Pete just wants to be of help. He’s not insinuating that you aren’t capable of handling it. He concerned for both of you.”
 
Viggo let out a long sigh his defensiveness fading quickly. “I suppose you’re right. It doesn’t hurt to get some outside advice.”
 
“We’re all willing to help, Viggo. Any way we can.”
 
Viggo walked slowly over to the table, pulled out a chair and flopped down tiredly onto it. He leaned forward, rested his elbows on the table top and ran his hands over his face. “I’m just not too sure Orlando’s ready to have company. He’s already withdrawn from us. What will he be like with others around?” He breathed through his cupped hands.
 
Sean watched Viggo closely, noticing how tired he appeared to be. “See what kind of reaction you get out of him when you tell him over breakfast.”  Sean stated, then stepped over to the table and sat down across from the American actor. “After you and Orlando eat, you’d better go to bed for awhile, try to catch up on your sleep.”
 
“I’ll rest easier if Orli actually acknowledges me to some degree.” Viggo commented and looked at his friend, eyes heavy with fatigue. He had to admit he was bone tired. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t remember ever being this tired except for when they were doing the main shooting for Helm’s Deep.  The way he felt now was following a close second to that grueling schedule.
 
“We’ll worry about how Orlando deals with company when Pete and Elijah get here. But you need food and rest.  You haven’t eaten much or slept since this all started. It’s time you did.” Sean pointed out with concern.
 
“I suppose.” Viggo sighed again and hoisted himself out of the chair. “Well, the salad’s ready now so I guess I’ll set up the serving tray and take it down to Orlando.”
 
“Very good idea. I’ll just eat out here and you can call me if you need anything.” Sean offered.
 
Viggo stepped over to the older Brit and placed a hand to the man’s shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you for everything you’re doing, Sean, I really appreciate it.”
 
Sean glanced up at Viggo and smiled. “You’re welcome, Viggo. Now, go take breakfast with Orlando.”
 
 
****
 
 
Orlando lay on the bed in the guest bedroom unable to sleep. He’d heard Viggo get up and go to have a shower about half an hour ago. Now he could tell the older actor was in the kitchen with Sean, probably making breakfast. Even through the closed door Orli could hear them talking quietly to each other. Although he could not make out exactly what they were saying, he had no doubt in his mind that he was the main topic of the conversation.
 
Orli rolled onto his back and pulled the covers up protectively over himself.  It didn’t matter what they were saying.  It didn’t and couldn’t change the way he felt about things. He loved Viggo with all his heart but how could the Dane expect him to fall back into an intimate relationship, let alone his life, as though nothing had happened? They expect me to do too much too soon and I’m not too sure I can do it. The young Brit told himself. They expect me to go to the police and the hospital regardless of how it makes me feel.  He couldn’t even begin to imagine what the hospital staff would think of him if he had to explain what had happened and what he’d done. If I hadn’t acted like a slut, this wouldn’t have happened. They would not have grabbed me.  Bitter tears stung his eyes and he squeezed them shut in an attempt to stop the all too frequent reaction. Besides, crying about it changed nothing he tried to tell himself.
 
As exhausted as he was, it had taken well over the hour for Orlando to settle down enough to attempt to sleep.  He had just about drifted off when a soft knock on the door jolted him back to full wakefulness.  Momentarily forgetting where he was, he clutched the bed covers in terror, then his eyes flew open and riveted on the door.  Realization suddenly flooded over him and he slowly relaxed letting out a shuddered breath that he wasn’t aware that he’d been holding.  With his heart pounding in his chest, Orli watched as the bedroom door cracked open slightly.
 
“Orli?”
 
Orlando tensed slightly when he heard Viggo’s voice. “Yeah?” he barely whispered as he unconsciously tightened his grip on the bedding.
 
“I brought you some breakfast. Can I come in?” Viggo asked from the other side of the door.
 
Orlando squeezed his eyes shut, swallowed hard, and tried to will his now trembling body to stop.  “Okay.” He choked out. He shifted up on the bed and rested his back against the headboard as Viggo entered the room with a serving tray in hand. Orli fought to control his anxiety trying to tell himself that Viggo was not going to judge or pressure him, that he needed to let his defenses down and allow the man who loved him in. If he kept resisting his older lover’s attempts to be close and console him, their relationship would never have a chance at continuing.
 
Viggo stepped completely into the room and using his foot, closed the door behind him. He glanced at his young lover and forced himself to smile.  He could feel the tension in the room building from Orli’s apprehension. “I thought you might be hungry so I made you a fruit salad.” He explained in hopes of breaking the emotional barrier in the room.
 
“Yeah, I am, thanks.” Orlando replied and flashed him an uneasy fleeting grin.  He then turned his attention to the blanket edging and fingered it nervously.
 
Viggo paused and studied Orlando closely, watching him fidget with the bedding, rolling the satin edge gently between pinched fingers. “If you rather I not be here, I can go and leave the tray.” Viggo suggested trying to hide his disappointment.
 
Orlando looked up at Viggo, his brown eyes filled with hurt. “No. T-that’s all right. I-it’s just-“he sighed and looked down at the bedding again. “This just isn’t easy for me right now.” he offered in way of explanation. His feelings were tearing him up inside. His heart wanted him to be able to turn to Viggo for love and support, but his mind, overloaded with all the turmoil he’d been fighting for the last four days, was stopping him. Was he afraid that Viggo would expect too much from him too soon?
 
“I know it isn’t easy, angel.” Viggo answered softly as he stepped over to the bed and set the tray down on the night stand next to it. He then reached over and placed his palm against Orlando’s cheek and caressed gently. “I want to help you, Orli. Will you let me?”
 
Orlando carefully drew back from Viggo’s hand.  He then raised his head and looked Viggo directly in the eyes. “Yes.” He muttered with desperation edging his voice as his eyes misted with pent up tears. “Please, don’t leave me?” he begged in quiet anxiety as the wall of protectiveness he’d carefully constructed around himself began to crumble into tiny pieces at Viggo’s offer. “Please don’t despise me?”
 
Viggo’s brow furrowed. He shook his head, slowly sat down on the edge of the bed right close to Orlando, and again placed his hand to the young man’s beautiful face. “I’d never leave you, baby. Why would I hate you?”
 
“Because of what they did to me, because I’m a whore.” Orlando explained as he dissolved into tears completely. “Because I’m finding it hard to be close to you?”
 
Viggo swallowed back his own tears. “What happened is not your fault.” He corrected in a firm tone. “And you aren’t a whore. Whatever they told you, it isn’t true. They forced this on you. You didn’t want this and I understand why you don’t want to be close right now and I certainly don’t expect you to be.”
 
Viggo’s reassurance was all it took, suddenly Orlando’s wall of defense dissolved completely and he practically flew into Viggo’s arms. “I’m sorry Viggo. I’m so sorry for everything.” he muttered as he buried his face against Viggo’s shirt.
Viggo wrapped his arms around the slight frame and rubbed Orli’s back soothingly. He too started to cry, but in relief. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, Orlando, nothing. And even though I know it’s going to take a long time for us to deal with this, I’ll work hard at it, I’ll understand, and I’ll wait.” He shifted slightly, worked his hands carefully down to Orlando’s face and placed a hand to each of Orlando’s cheeks, and urged the young man to draw back and look up at him.
 
Orlando accepted the gentle guidance, drew back, and let his teary eyes drift up to look directly at his lover.
 
“Orlando, regardless of how long it takes, I’ll wait. I promise.” Viggo declared again as he wiped the young Brit’s tears away with his thumbs.  “I love you so much!” He cried softly, in hitching sobs, as he drew Orlando back into a tight embrace and rested his cheek against the incredibly soft chestnut curls. “I. Love. You. I want you to remember that. I love you with everything I have and nothing will change it.”  He held Orlando in his arms, gently rocking him.  He would help Orli in every possible way he could and for however long it would take, in order to bring his love back to him complete and whole from his damning experience. It would take a lot of patience, understanding, time, and probably months, if not years of psychiatric help and counseling but there was no way the American was going to give up.  He’d fight for Orlando’s soul. He’d fight for everything those sick bastards stole from him and he’d get it back. But for now, this was the first precious step at closing the gap and he was more than satisfied with it.