All that is dark | ✓

3| seek

"DO YOU KNOW HOW fast you were driving?"

Helene stared at the cop in front of her, the interrogation room they were in eerily reminding her of the one she had entered for the first time, back when she still had her mind. Now she had lost it, none of it mattered. Perhaps that's why she had endangered so many lives on the road, even when it hadn't been the best plan. It was too difficult to find it in her to care for anything, so she had decided to let it all go. Only this game was left now, the one where a serial killer would end up finding her with a trail of bodies left in his wake.

Her heart felt so twisted that she couldn't distinguish her excitement from her grief anymore. Was she happy that she was playing this game? Was she uncontrollably mad? When she looked at the cop in front of her, it felt like she was both.

"Tell me," she smiled," it seems I was too careless to check myself."

"Careless?" the cop scoffed," is that how you call it? You do know you can go to prison at the speed you were going at?"

"I do," she said," that's what I was hoping for. Or perhaps I wasn't, I can't quite grasp my own thoughts these days."

"What?" the man frowned, voice lowering in volume as he leaned forward," are you mentally ill?"

"Why are you whispering?" she replied amusedly, as quietly as him," do you think the voices in my head won't hear you if you do?"

When he immediately leaned back in his chair, she couldn't help but laugh, even though nothing was funny about this situation. She could still see Dante getting shot in his head over and over every time she blinked, like a curse she wouldn't be able to shake. Some moments she wanted to keep her eyes closed to repent, others she had to stop herself from prying them open.

Was that the reason she was enjoying scaring this man? Had she become as sick as Nathan when he had locked her in that room? She didn't know whether it was fair to blame him for any of her insanity, when she was at fault for all her own deeds. In all honesty, she could never hate him. At this point, she loved him more than the world itself. Even if her mind didn't want to accept that, it was something she knew would never change.

The cop had stood up abruptly, clearly wanting to get someone else to talk to her. Survival instinct was such a funny thing to see for her, now she had lost it all herself. He was seeing something in her eyes which clearly terrified him, to the point of losing his righteousness. Maybe he never had had much at all. When she had sat at his side of the table, too many days ago, she never had had any either.

"Hey," she said, stopping him in place before he could leave the room," can you do one thing for me, please?"

"What do you want?" he said tentatively, hand already lingering above the doorknob.

"Shoot me in the head," she said, tapping her finger on the place where she had seen the bullet exit Dante's head," right here. You can't miss, he'll haunt us both if you do."

"What?" the man blinked, color leaving his face," do you even know what you're asking me?"

"I do," she said, leaning forward. When she spoke, her voice was so amused it surprised her. Mostly, it reminded her of him. "Hey, are you one of his spies? Is that why you're refusing to shoot me? Or is it simply because of your morals? Tell me how much it takes for you to compromise them. I'm sure I can change your mind."

"You're insane," he stated," why do you think I would ever kill someone for no reason?"

"Isn't that exactly what most police officers do?" she said," people in positions of power thrive off that as much as it benefits them. It's human, as much as it's sick."

"I'm not listening to you any longer," he snapped.

"Oh, but you have to," she smiled," how else are you going to get to know yourself? I have a great talent at reading people, you see. I've never been wrong, no matter how much that has hurt me."

He flinched, unable to open the door despite so brazenly proclaiming he would. Everyone wanted to be seen in the end, for who they really were, for what they could become. Some were simply more truthful about it than others. If she strung her words along nicely enough, she'd be able to strangle anyone with her necklace of lies.

"I've taught you well," her mother smiled at her from the ceiling.

"You want to do it," she said," the only reason you're not pulling that trigger on me right now is because you're afraid you're going to get caught. That's it, isn't it? I can see it in your eyes, after all. You're wondering how it will feel to finally let go and shoot that bullet through someone's head. Will it release all the rage you have pent up inside? All the frustation?" Her voice became softer, as if she was revealing a secret only he was privy to. "It will. You'll finally be free that way."

He stared at her, almost mesmerized by her words, before shaking himself out of it. His cheeks had colored red, as if he was ashamed of even thinking about it, his hand turning the doorknob.

"I don't want to hear anymore," he said," stay here, I'll be right back with someone else. Clearly you're off your medication or something, I can't talk with you."

"Strange," she mused as he stepped through the door," are you a happy man? I didn't take you as one, from all your mannerisms, but those are the only ones who don't corrupt easily. They always bask in too much light to even see the shadows."

He didn't answer her, instead closing the door, practically running away from her. Had she made him so uncomfortable? She already knew the answer to that question simply by the fact that he had forgotten to lock the door, leaving her without handcuffs in the waiting room. Absentmindedly she turned her gaze upwards, wondering what she should do.

Staying with the police wasn't safe for her. It was literally the most obvious way to broadcast her location, because if he had had spies in a heavily guarded prison, he wouldn't have been foolish enough to not ensure the neighbouring city would be filled with informants as well. A part of her was curious about how long it would take him to reach her. An hour? Two? Would he kill everyone in the police station? He'd find it romantic for the both of them to die here together, she was sure about that.

Why had she even come here? Just to cause chaos? It was hard to explain her own actions to herself, because she had in some way forgotten who she was. At first, she had been Helene the psychiatrist. Kind, clever, always listening, never complaining. The perfect daughter, the prodigy doctor. She had shed all those names during her stay with Nathan. Now she was a murderer with a head full of ghosts and death printed behind her eyelids.

In a way, she had hoped someone would recognize her. Though it was foolish, she couldn't help but wish for a safe haven. Wasn't a police station supposed to be just that? Somewhere she had thought they would receive her with open arms, promise to protect her from any harm that would befall her. At the same time, she was the one causing the most harm to herself. It never had been very realistic to hope for safety.

"So foolish," she said," what am I even living for? I wonder who I should ask."

"Only you can answer that question for yourself, Helene, you know that already."

Her blood turned into ice as she looked up at the person sitting in front of her, cheeks at the same time flushing so burning hot that she felt feverish. When she finally accepted what she was seeing, all of that turned into relief, hands reaching out towards the man at the other end of the table. Even in death, he helped her.

"Hello Dante," she said quietly.

He looked the same as the first time they had met, hair boyishly messy and eyes glimmering with confidence. There was no bullet hole in his head, but she couldn't help but look at the spot where it had been nonetheless. In an impulse, she wanted to caress his forehead, but she kept herself from moving.

"Hello Helene," he smiled," here I am again. I guess you just can't seem to get rid of me."

He got out of the chair, reaching out his hand towards her. His gaze was so gentle she wanted to cry.

"Come on now," he said," before he finds you. Let's take a walk, you and I."