𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 ― steveboy

˚ · .[𝐭𝐰𝐨]. · ˚

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Oh, Johnny... Why? Why'd you have to die? You're the only one- the only one who accepts me for me..."

Hearing those words broke my heart. That's what's wrong. That's why Pony seemed extra crabby earlier... Not that me being a complete dick helped. I gnawed on my lip. Should I leave him alone? I think to myself. After a moment of hesitation, I decide yes, I should. I begin to walk away, but I don't get too far before Pony calls out my name, his voice laced with confusion. I stop in my tracks, grimacing. My heart skips a beat, and I hesitate to turn around. Even though it's dark, I'm still afraid that Pony will be able to see how red my cheeks have become. I don't know why this happens. Every time Ponyboy says my name, looks at me, or is even present, I get this odd fluttery feeling, a feeling that reminds me of floating. Every time I talk to Pony, I feel the need to be harsh, because I am afraid that if I'm not cold, I will let something slip. Something that I don't quite understand. Something that I don't want to figure out. "Yeah...", I say slowly, a moment too late. 

"What're you doing here?"

I bite my lip, walking slowly towards Pony and stopping when I am standing directly next to him. "I came to apologize...", I say, looking everywhere but at Pony's fire lit face. At least the fire gives me an excuse if I blush again. I think randomly. 

Pony chuckles coolly. "You already did."

"No. That was a shitty excuse for one. I came to apologize properly."

I look at Pony when I talk this time. He bites his lip. Then, after a moment, he gestures to the spot next to him. "Be my guest.", he drawls.

Hesitantly, I lower myself into a sitting position next to him. When I don't say anything, he says, "The floor is all yours.".

I laugh under my breath. "Ponyboy...", I start, the whole speech I prepared vanishing into thin air.

"I... I'm sorry. I know I've been a douche lately, and I am sorry. You're a good kid, it's just... I don't want to lose you... you know, because you're a part of the gang.", I say, catching myself from almost exposing something I couldn't explain. "I'll try to go easier on you. I understand that Johnny and Dally's deaths have taken a toll on you... because they've taken a toll on me too. But I care about you, we all do... and you're older now, you don't need managing. Not that that's what I was doing. I was just being a straight up ass. And I am sorry. I really am."

Pony smiles, and before I know it, he's doubled over with laughter. Anger surges through me, and I stand bolt upright. 

"What the hell, Curtis?! I just poured my heart out, and you laugh?"

"I can't help it!", he says in between giggles and gasps, "I laugh when I am shocked."

 I furrow my eyebrows, and relax my arms at my sides, which were crossed a minute ago. 

"Oh."

Pony stops laughing. "Sorry..."

I shake my head, sitting back down. "It's okay.", I say. To myself, I think, I really don't know Pony that well, do I?

"Thank you, by the way. For the apology. I appreciate it. But don't worry. I won't get mad when you don't change.", Pony says, and at first I am enraged, until I realize that that last remark was a joke.

"Ha, ha.", I say, nudging Pony in the elbow. "You're startin' to sound like Two."

Pony laughs shakily, and I realize Pony's crying.

"What? What'd I do now?"

Pony shakes his head, before tucking it between his knees.

"You- You did n-nothin'", he says, his voice muffled and staggered, "it- it's just... w-well J-Johnny told m-me the same thi-thing..."