Trouvaille

11: First Day Back

It was Emerson's first day back at New York Prep.

The morning of, she decided to finally go into her bedroom. It's been almost 2 months since she's been home, and a month and a half since Delilah's death.

She knew her life couldn't pause forever, but somewhere deep down she wished she could escape the reality that her life now is.

Opening her door, she's hit with the smell of Delilah's favorite perfume. Her room is neatly cleaned to anyone else, but to her, she sees where Delilah helped her pack before their Chicago trip, where they layed on her bed until it was time to head to the airport, where they always sat at her window seat and read books together, where they met for their prom reveal.

Emerson sees where they had their first kiss, told each other the eight letters, where Adam caught them kissing for the first time, where they would study for hours, and where Delilah gave her the promise ring.

This room held so many memories it hurt.

Emerson didn't see Gabby come in, but she felt her wrap her arms around her. "It hurts, I can't move from this spot. We were in this room together last and she was alive!" Shaking from sobbing so hard, "I need her! I need her Gabby!"

"You don't need her Emerson! You are a strong, independent, and intelligent young lady. You are a Halstead. You are a Voight. And while it may hurt, dammit it's going to hurt like hell, you've gotta find the strength to pull through and stay strong. Your parents love you so much, they will kill for you. Grandpa Hank as well. I love you so much, Will loves you, Kim, Adam, Kevin, Hailey, and Vanessa Too! Grandma Liv, Uncle Boden, Uncle Herman and Mouch, and Uncle Finn. You have so many people who love you, and are willing to move mountains to see you smile. You don't need to get caught up in what others will say, all you need to do is hold on and grieve with your family, let us in sweetie." Nodding Emerson takes in as many deep breaths as needed before she walked to her closet and picked out an outfit. While still holding her godmother's hand, Emerson does most of her morning routine and finally gets dressed alone.

Heading downstairs and eating the breakfast her aunt prepared, "Can I drive myself to school? I need some space before my parents come home."

"Okay Sweetie, send me a text when you make it. I want to know you got there safe."

——

Starting up the Jeep was another crying fest this morning. I was so glad I decided to go without makeup, it's not like it would last anyways. Arriving at school, I keep my shades on.

I know lots of people will probably come up to me, but I just don't have the energy for anyone other than my family.

Locking my car, I sling my book bag over my shoulder and turn up my AirPods. Listening to "Hollywood Forever" by FINNEAS

I'm glad I had my shades on, if not, I don't think I would have been able to walk in with my head high. Elijah joined me at my left, I never knew he came back to New York as well. Hugging, we continue to walk to our first class. I silently pray that today is an easy day.

——

As the day ended, Elijah rushed with me to my car. Grandma Liv dropped him off, so we were now gonna ride to get something to eat and talk for a while.

——

Jumping in and locking the doors, the two look at each other and laugh. But not just any laugh, this one was pure. There was no sadness behind it, and they weren't trying to convince each other that they were okay.

Throwing their book bags in the backseat, The two talk all the way to the local diner. As Emerson looks to her cousin, "Do you think, in any way, in another universe, that everything would be okay? We would be with our bio families and still live a happy life?"

Holding his cousin's hand, "I stopped thinking like that a long time ago, E. Living by 'what ifs' is anxiety and will lead to depression. I love my mom and dad, and I know you love yours as well. You're my best friend. And in another world, we would still find each other and kick ass In lacrosse."

Hugging onto the boy as if he was her lifeline, her life support at that very moment; Emerson realizes that she doesn't have to battle anything else by herself. "I think I'm ready to see my parents. I think I'm ready for a move too."