Dear mom, I miss you...《English》

1 - Dear mom

Dear mom,

Today it's Mother's Day, the third since you died. I still miss you, every second of the day. Daddy and Eva decided to live together, they told me about their relocation plans at my tenth birthday. Mom, I don't like Eva! She tries to be nice all the time, but it's so fake. Daddy doesn't see it, I guess it's because he's in love. I miss how you and dad used to be in love. What if you were still alive? Would he love her too? I don't know mommy, all I know is that I miss you so so so much. We went to Austria last Christmas, together with grandpa and grandma. I had a lot of fun, and guess what? Grandpa got me a book, your book. He told me you wrote it during your pregnancy. I read the first parts of the book and I love it! You were so good at writing! Grandma said I will write just as good as you did, I just need to practice enough. That brings me to grandma's present, she said I could follow writing lessons and that she would pay for them. Two months ago I started my lessons and I love it! I realized that I can express so much feelings in writing, thats why I decided to write a letter to you. Britt and I are going on a vacation together, daddy and Britt's parents agreed that I'm going to France with Britt and her family. I can't wait! I'm sure we will have so much fun together! Last year she stayed over for a week and it was so awesome! We went to the pool almost every day, we went to bed late, oh and one day we went bowling together with daddy and Eva. I didn't win, but it was still fun though. Britt told me that we will stay in a tree-star-hotel, that's so cool right!? :) Anyway, I remember that we used to bowl when you were still alive. Even though I couldn't actually bowl back then, I still had a lot of fun! Sometimes I wonder where you are now, if you can see me and daddy and all the other people who love and miss you. Sometimes I got the feeling that you're around me, that you're watching me and taking care of me. Is that true? It would be great, I mean, that would mean you're still here for me even though I can't see or feel you. Oh, mommy? I need your help. Last night I heard daddy and Eva, they had a fight. I don't like Eva, not at all, but daddy seems to be happy with her and I don't want him to be sad again, just like when you died. How can I help him? Do you know how? I told Britt and she neither knew what to do. I don't know if I should tell daddy or Eva that I heard them, because I'm afraid they will get angry. I mean, maybe they think I was spying or something, but I wasn't mommy, really! They were just screaming so loud that I could clearly hear them. Daddy once told me that it's normal for couples to fight, but I can't remember you and daddy fighting! Did you fight too? It's weird how I keep asking you questions even though I know you can't answer them, isn't it? See? Now I do it again. Today I will visit your grave for the first time, together with grandma, your grandma. No wait I mean you mom, my grandma. You get it? Sigh I should really stop asking you questions you can't answer. Anyway, I'm pretty nervous because today will be my first visit to your grave, that's why I'm writing this letter. I want to put it at your grave, together with the marigolds I bought from my savings. I remembered you used to love marigolds and daddy showed me where i could buy them for you. The saleswoman recognized daddy and when I told her I wanted to buy the marigolds she said I could have them for half price. She told me she used to be good friends with you and that daddy always bought you flowers at her shop. She made me a beautiful bouquet and so wrote a short letter for you too! I read it and it was short, but really sweet. I think she could be a great author, just like you were. I hope I can meet up with her soon to talk about you, there are so many things about you that I don't know yet. I mean, okay you're my mom and I've known you for seven years, but I was really young when you died and my memories aren't that clear. I can still remember your face and you beautiful smile though. And the way you used to read to me at bedtime, or when I was sick at home. You always took care of me as good as possible. Now I think about it, even though you were really sick in the end, I still have so many good memories with you! Like that one time when we secretly went to that store while daddy was doing errands. I still remember daddy's face when he found us at the clothing store. We bought that cute, pink dress for my birthday party back then. I still have that dress, somewhere in my closet. I don't fit in it anymore, but one of my dolls does and it's really adorable on her! Maybe I can put a photo of her with the letter. I will try my best. Eva gave me the doll, for my ninth birthday. That was actually really sweet of her. Now i think about it, she is always nice to me, I guess I just don't want to see it because I miss you so much. You know what, today is Mother's Day, I will make her breakfast! After I finish this letter will ask daddy to help me. It's time for me to show her that I love her too, because she really loves me and cares about me. I can't belive I never thought of it in this way. I always thought she wanted to replace you, but she just wanted to be the mom I don't have anymore, which is pretty sweet of her! What if she is disappointed because I only realize it now, and not two years ago? She's trying to be there for me for almost two years, and all that time I found her annoying and mean, why? She has never said something bad or mean to me, but I still thought about her that way. Maybe I can give her one or two of the marigolds, you wouldn't mind that right? I guess not. :) I hope she will forgive me for the fact that I only show her I love her now. If I think back, she helped me and daddy so much after you died. Daddy met her half a year after you died, about a week before me birthday. Even before they fell in love she already helped us a lot by being there for us as much as she could. She came by at least once every two days and more if she could. She picked me up from school if daddy couldn't, she helped me with my schoolwork if I didn't understand, she even helped me with decorating my room! Maybe I should write her a Mother's Day letter too, yeah good idea! I will write the letter after I finished this one and then I will make her breakfast! :) Sorry that I'm only talking about her now mommy, but I find it so weird that I only realize it by now. Anyway, back to you! Remember that girl-weekend to London? Well, I do! That was one of the most beautiful weekends of my life! Also because it was the last time we did something together before you got sick, but mostly because we had a looooot of fun! I remember that we went to the M&M store and that I bought that huge bag full of pink M&Ms! Yeah and I also remember I was sick at the end of the day because of the M&Ms hahaha. Oh and we went to the London Eye that evening, before I got sick of course. I remember that we had a beautiful view over the whole city when we were at the highest point! I still have the picture of us two with London in the background on my nightstand. I guess that's one of our last pictures together. I really love that picture, not only because it was made there, but because you looked so healthy and bright! I really miss your bright smile mommy, just like I miss you! It's been so long since I've seen you for the last time. Oh Oh! Do you remember that one time when we organized that surprise-party for dad's birthday? I wish I had a picture of his face when he entered the house and all his friends and family were there to surprise him! That was so much fun! I miss those times, daddy and I organized a surprise-party for Eva too last year, but it was way less fun to organize than when I did it with you! Well, I should stop being negative about the things that happened after you died, cause there were really fun and happy moments too! Such as the time Britt and I spend together, or the holidays with the family. Oh my, I'm already at the end of my paper! I will write you again as soon as possible, I promise! I love you mom!

Lots of love, your own flesh and blood, Emmily.

I look at the letter on my writing desk and smile. It's something passed eight o'clock in the morning, I woke up early to write the letter. I grab the perfume Eva got me for Christmas and spray it on the letter. Two, three sprays, that should be enough. I see how the little drops perfume sparkle in the morning sun. I smile at the letter and smell it, jummy, it smells like the beach! I take one last look at the letters I wrote on the paper and then I fold it. 'I miss you mom.' I whisper.