Dear mom, I miss you...《English》

4 - Blossom girl

We had to drive for eight minutes and every minut that passed the nervous feeling in my stomache got worse. I look outside and see the drive of the cemetery which leads to the parking lot in front of the car. My grandma parks the car and looks at me, 'We're there.'
I get out of the car with the letter and the bouquet clutched in my hands. I look around, there are so many cars here. At first I thought the cemetery would be an awful place with only grey colors and crying people, now I look around it isn't. The parking lot is decorated with a lot of colorful flowers and there are blossom trees spread over the parking lot and the cemetery itself. Everywhere around me are people with flowers talking and laughing. They are celebrating Mother's Day with their mothers or grandmothers too. Some kids are running around to search a hiding place while playing hide and seek. On of the kids hides behind one of the blossom trees and one gust of wind is enough to let her sit among the blossoms. I laugh at her and she laughs back. I see that the seeker is walking to the tree and give he a sign that she has to hide. She nods and dives into the blossom that formed a mountain under the tree. The seeker walks straight to the tree and looks behind it, but not at the ground. She shrugs and continues searching. I see how the head of the hiding girl comes out of the blossom slowly to see if she is safe. I look at the seeker who is already at the other side of the parking lot. I put on my thumb as a sign that it is good and she smiles to thank me.
'Are you coming darling?'
'Yeah, sorry.'
I wave to the girl and after she waved back I follow my grandma to my mom's grave. My grandma stops in front of a grey stone. The stone is surrounded by little, orange flowers, marigolds. I look at the bouquet in my hands and smile slightly.
'They match perfectly.' my grandma said.
I look at her, 'You think so?'
'I don't, I know it.'
I smile and sit down on the ground in front of the grave, my mom's. In the corner of my eye I see that my grandma sits down too, we sit there like that for about five minutes.
'Hi.'
I look behind me and see the girl from the parking lot standing in front of me with her dad.
I smile at her, 'Hi.'
'Why are you both sitting on the ground?'
'I actually have no idea.' I laugh. 'I guess we're just weird!'
She shakes her head and laughs too, 'I don't think you are weird at all. It's actually pretty cute!'
I smile at her, 'What's your name?'
'Ali. Well, actually Alicia but I prefer Ali.'
'Well, hello then Ali. My name is Emmily, just Emmily.'
She laughs and looks at her dad who is holding a bouquet and a ring. I look at the ring closely and conclude it's a marriage ring. Why isn't he just wearing it? Did his wife die? That would mean they're here for the same reason as me and my grandma. I look at Ali, she doesn't look like she just lost her mom. Maybe she died a long time ago, just like mine. Or I'm totally wrong, that's possible too. Maybe he just likes to play with the ring when he is bored or waiting of something. My thoughts are interrupted by the voice of Ali, 'For who are you here?'
'My mom.'
I see how her smile slides away, 'I'm sorry.'
'It's okay. For who are you here?'
'I'm here for my mom too.'
'I'm really sorry for you.'
'You don't have to.'
'Can I ask you a question?'
'You can'
'How many times do you visit her grave?'
'Atleast four times a year, you?'
'This is actually my first time.'
I look at the ground and I hear Ali sitting down next to me.
'Why?'
I look up at her and I feel that my eyes are starting to burn.
'My dad didn't let me.'
'I'm truly sorry for that. Please don't cry!'
I wipe away my tears and smile to her, 'I won't. Why would I cry about it after more that three years?'
'My mom died four years ago.'
'How old were you back then?'
'I was six.'
'So you're ten now?'
'I am.'
'Me too.'
'Really?'
'Yeah. Do you live near here?'
'I used to, but we mover when my mom died. We live together with one of my dad's friends now.'
'I live together with my dad and in a few months we will move too. He and his new girlfriend are going to lkve together.'
'Cool. Do you like her?'
'You wanna hear a funny story?'
'Sure.'
'I actually hated her, because I thought she wanted to replace my mom.'
'Really?'
'Yes. I was writing a letter to my mom this morning and from one second to the other I realized that she loves us and that she has been there for me and my dad when we needed her the most. It just came into my head from out of nowhere.'
'That's crazy.'
'I know right.'
'Can I ask you something weird?'
'As long as it's not too weird, yes.'
She laughs, 'Can I maybe read it?'
I look at the paper in my hand and think. I don't even know her for half an hour and it already feels like I know her for so long. I bite my lip, 'You can.'
I give her the paper and while she is reading I look at my grandma who is talking with Ali's dad, they seem to get along really well. I fidget to the paper that surrounds the bouquet while I wait for Ali to finish reading the letter. After a few minutes of total awkwardness she finally stops reading and looks at me. I look up at her and see the tears shining in her eyes, 'It's beautiful.' She sais with a soft voice.
'Thank you.'
'How?'
'How what?'
'You're ten, how can you write so good?'
'My mom was a writer.'
'Really?'
'Yes. Maybe you or your dad knows her?'
'I do.' says her that out of nowhere.
Ali and I both look up at him with a surprised face.
'I told him about your mom Emmily.' my grandma says.
'She told me she was a writer, I've read them all.'
'You did?' I ask him.
'Yes, every single one of them.'
'I've only read one actually.' I say with a slight smile on my face.
'That's not something to feel bad about.' he walks up to me and looks into my eyes, 'Your mom's books are beautiful, but I can understand that it's hard for you to read them. Not because they are to hard to read for you, but because she wrote them. My wife, Alicia's mom, died too, about as long ago as yours. It was a hard time for us and we moved away, 'cause I couldn't even handle it to live here. When we moved, I didn't realize that I only made it harder for Alice that way. She already lost her mom, but because of me she lost her friends and the things that reminded her of her mom. We didn't even visit her grave the first year. One day, aboit a year after she died, I was talking with my sister and she opened my eyes. I can't tell you how bad I felt back then, I still do. A few days later we went to visit her for the first time, from that moment on we visit her as much as possible.'
I look at him, not able to say a word. My feelings are so mixed up that I can't even imagine a feeling I don't feel. I feel bad for him and Ali that they lost their wife and mom, but I also feel like slapping him in the face for doing that to Ali, even though he feels bad about it. I look at Ali who is playing with a stone she found on the gound with my letter still on her lap. I see that she teard in her eyes have started to roll down her cheek. I sigh, 'I'm really sorry for you sir.'
'You don't have to, it's my own fault.'
'I still do, it's not your fault that she died, right?'
'That's true, but maybe she would have survived if I helped her soon enough.'
'What happened?' I feel bad about asking him immediately.
'She was sick, but we waited too long with visiting the hospital.'
'That's not your fault sir.'
'It feels like it is.'
'It isn't. It was just bad luck, like my mom.'
'Was she sick too?'
'She was, but they found out too late too.'
'I guess it was really hard for you.'
'It was, probably even harder than for Ali.'
'How do you mean?'
'Ali had the chance to visit her mom after a year, for me this is the first time after more than three years.'
'It is?'
'Yes, it is. My dad didn't want me t visit, or to talk about her.'
'Why not?'
'I don't know, I guess he was hurt too much.'