One For Three

Chapter 19 : KimChay in their word

Kim's point of view

Sitting on one of the high chairs in the kitchen, I watch Chay busy himself in the kitchen to prepare my meal. I spent the whole weekend at his house, in his bed, in his shower... wherever he was I was with.

I can't believe I slept with him, fucked him, kissed him, touched him, licked him, bit him...I saw his whole body squirming beneath me, wondering ...You should know that Chay is not as shy as he looks, he is more naughty than he is. Do not be fooled by his angelic face, which actually hides a perverse and diabolical spirit.

- Why are you staring at me like that, Kim? Didn't you eat me enough?

I smile.

- I am not allowed to watch again without a valid reason?

Chay smiled back at me, a plate of curry rice in hand. He places it in front of me and replies:

- If you have the right, provided you don't do it to anyone other than me. This look, I want it only for me.

He hands me a spoon and fork so I can eat. I give him a crooked smile.

- Of course, Chay. There's no reason for me to do it with anyone other than you...

I get lost in his eyes for a moment before I start eating. This boy knows how to drive me crazy even though it's past time. Chay leaves the kitchen, walks around to join me and give me a kiss on the cheek.

- I love you. I've never been lucky in life but now I'm so happy to have you. It seems that happiness is finally smiling at me.

He blushes as he says that and waits for my answer. I remain silent for a few seconds.Guilt.

The weight of my actions.

The heart that beats stronger.

The aching heart.

A feeling of regret in the stomach.

All of this comes crashing down on me in an instant. My face fades and Chay notices it immediately.

- Kim? You're okay? You are pale...

I forced a smile and faked a throat clearing.

- I...I think a piece of rice went down the wrong path...but it's better.

- Do you love me too Kim?

I don't know Chay. I hadn't expected to be so attached to you and I hadn't expected to take so long to settle my answers on the link that Porsche and my father might have.

I don't know what my feelings are for you.

I don't know what to say to you so as not to hurt you.

Do I have to say yes to make you happy when I don't know if I really mean it?

Do I have to say yes to make you happy when I don't know how you would react if you found out about my motivations for dating you?

Should I answer you?

My heart aches, caught in a torment that I can't bear but... I have to force myself to get through this moment.

- Yes. I love you too.

My brain heard what my heart wanted to say and activated my vocal cords to convey this message of which I do not really know the authenticity.

I turn my head to Chay to see his face beaming.

He doesn't seem to notice how uncomfortable I am, not because of him of course, because of myself and the choices I made in getting myself into a situation as complex as this.