As Long As I Have You (BakuTodo Fic)

Chapter Nine: The 'L' Word

TW: Suicidal thoughts/depression

It had been weeks since the incident between Bakugou and Midoriya. He still couldn't eat, couldn't cry, he couldn't even get out of bed. His parents had already left for their three-week vacation and his friends had stopped calling. He tried and he tried but he was too tired to do anything other than sleep. He was angry and guilty and alone and scared. But this wasn't the type of scared you felt when there were monsters under your bed or when you were about to drop on a rollercoaster. It also wasn't the type of scared you felt when you forgot to lock the front door before leaving the house. Or the type you feel when there is a spider in your room. No, this scared sat with you. It wouldn't leave you. It would haunt you and play with you and tease you, picking at every crack and every hole inside you until it found a way to flood your body and paralyze you. He was petrified. Petrified to get up, to go outside, to live. Petrified he ruined Mudoriya's life. He got headaches often, his mind painted black, thoughts of self-harm and thoughts of ending his life. No one would miss him anyway. No one would even notice. Maybe he was better off dead. It would make everyone's lives so much easier if he were gone. If he never even existed. He shut his eyes and held his breath, wondering how long he'd have to lay there until he suffocated. He hasn't eaten in more than three days. Maybe he could starve to death.

Drifting in and out of a deep sleep, he had been dozing once more when a loud knock on his front door woke him. It was probably just someone trying to sell him something. He ignored it and shut his eyes again. Another loud knock. Why won't the person just leave? It was silent then. Footsteps came trailing up the stairs and stopped at his bedroom door. Who the fuck was here? And how did they get in? Was he imagining things? Hearing things? Hallucinating when he watched Todoroki open his door and sit down at the foot of his bed?

"Bakugou," The boy spoke, his voice seeming more angelic than Bakugou had remembered. His stomach swarmed and a sense of ease rolled over him. "It's been two weeks and we've both had time to think."

He couldn't even look Todoroki in the eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said at all. You're not a monster. And you're certainly not fucked up."

A hand brushed his cheek, combing through his messy blonde hair and gently holding his head.

"I know you feel like you're all alone in this world, but you're not. Katsuki, I'm right here. Izuku isn't even mad. I explained everything and he's actually sorry."

Another hand pulled back the sheets and caressed his arm.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." His voice so gentle and sweet. Having dealt with depression before, he knew exactly what to do.

Todoroki brought Bakugou to his feet, and helped him undress in the bathroom, drawing him a relaxing bubble bath. The blonde carefully stepped into the sudsy water and leaned back into Todoroki's arms, who was sitting on a stool beside the tub. With one hand, Todoroki swirled the water around him, scrubbing Bakugous skin gently. Bakugou held Todoroki's other arm against his chest, wrapping his own arms around it like it were a teddy bear, kissing it softly. He was glad he was here. He probably wouldn't have gotten up once in the three weeks his parents were gone if Todoroki hadn't shown. It was a scary thought. If Todoroki wasn't here with him now, he may have just given in to his darker thoughts that were swarming his mind. But now that he was here, feeling his touch, it was like the nasty storm had finally cleared.

"I love you," He muttered, closing his eyes and soaking in the soft touches as Todoroki's soft hands grazed him slowly, a warm light glowing in his chest.

After the bath, Todoroki helped him get dressed, brush his teeth and change his sheets, making him a small cup of instant noodles, mostly because that's all he knew how to make. Together they cleaned the house a bit, did laundry, and sat down on the couch to watch TV, Todoroki snuggling up to him.