To Thaw a Lost Heart

The First Struggle

A persistent dream....
.....Faraway there......
Everything's unfamiliar.....
.......yet so nostalgic.....

Dreams exist even when emotions have been forgotten now. Everything is just a memory Tirpitz watch without a long lasting impression. In one of those dreams, Tirpitz finds "herself" speaking with Victorious who bears a sorrowful expression. That dream version of her let the frigid blow away her tattered cape and hair since even in her dream, she's still physically and emotionally numb.

"Why are you still following me?"

From staring at the plain land of ice beneath her feet, Tirpitz slowly raises her head and her gaze shifts to Victorious.

"I had to or else you would get yourself killed" Victorious takes one step closer
"Then let me die. That's just how life is....." Tirpitz briefly closes her eyes
"Die fighting and being suicidal are different"
"No, I'm sure they're the same. We take part in battle knowing we might die, so that itself is suicide already"
"You're still a blockhead after all this time....."
"That's just the nature of fighting. I don't particularly care whether I survive or not, but I can't even die on my own term"

The dream version of Tirpitz gazes at her hands emitting cold air. It looks harmless at first sight, but the chill from her hands is fatal for regular humans but still a threat to kansens.

"Do you keep on following me out of guilt?" Tirpitz returns her attention to Victorious
"....It's not just that"
"Then why do you keep following me?"
"I don't want you to die. Not again....."
"I don't belong here"
"......."
"You just can't let go even after all this time"

When Tirpitz stands up, Victorious takes a step back feeling anxious. Even if the two are supposed to be friends, Tirpitz is unwelcoming towards her and her unknowing hostility signals Victorious to keep her distance.

"Are you satisfied I'm in this state?"
"Tirpitz....."
".....Forget it. There's nothing that could be done"

Tirpitz takes a deep breath before sitting back down after seeing Victorious on the verge of tears. There is no deceit, but Tirpitz couldn't find any pity from her.

"This is just how it is for kansens like us. We just keep on fighting until the sea claims us"
"........" Victorious lowers her head
"You'll just continue following me even in this hell?"
"I have to. It's the only thing I can do...."
"Despite everything, you just won't let me go. You....."

The word gets cut off when Tirpitz lowers her head and stares at the snow piling up on her boots. All she could do is get lost in her thoughts and be a recluse.....until the pesky aircraft carrier somehow tracks her down.

......
......
......

"A dream? Victorious looked different.....and so did I....."

Waking up to reality, Tirpitz blinks a few times to be certain of the solid ceiling in front of her. The strange dream has her surrounded by a frozen and snowy landscape while Victorious stares at her in pity. She raises both hands in front of her, sighing in certainty that the restraints on her wrists remain.

"It's going to be morning soon....."

Faint light is visible through the inches wide gap of the curtain. From estimation, only an hour remains before the sun fully rises.

"Am I going to live like this until I die?"

Tirpitz lazily lifts her back from the back and shifts her body to sit on the side of the bed. She sighs again when her feet touch the ground. While she doesn't hold any hatred for Bismarck, just loss of trust, she recalls the moment she wakes up with her surroundings frozen.