To Thaw a Lost Heart

To Seek an End

Another persistent memory.......

In the first days, Tirpitz is forcibly contained within four steel corners. The temperature she emits clad everything in white ice, but she herself is unable to realize how extreme her surroundings have become. It's about negative sixty degrees Celsius, but to Tirpitz it's neither hot nor cold.

"Why.....?"

At that time, she still has her emotions intact, so Tirpitz is constantly horrified and confused at her current situation. She's stuck in one room with little to no contact from anyone, forcing her into loneliness when it's not even her fault in the first place.

"Why......didn't they let me die.....in peace?"

Her growing frustration causes the ice around her to protrude spikes from the floor up to the ceiling. Tirpitz could only look at her shaking hands releasing cold vapor from her skin and ice forming white patches on her hands.

"Bismarck.....no, all of them......they did this.......!" Tirpitz puts both hands on both sides of her head

There's no one around her to lash out. The only sounds reaching her are the crackling ice and the echo of her own voice. She has been speaking to herself for hours now and the silence is putting her thoughts in chaos.

"........." Tirpitz falls completely silent

Even though Tirpitz has no full control over her condition, her instinct and strong desire generates a crooked and incomplete dagger-like ice on her left hand.

"........"

Her thoughts come to a complete silence when her blank gaze shifts to her hand gripping the makeshift blade on her hand.

".......?!"

In just seconds, Tirpitz's initial and decisive thought is to drive the sharp ice into her skull, but her hand doesn't obey her thought. Just as swiftly swings her hand holding the weapon right to the side of her head, her left arm immediately stops an inch before the sharp tip could pierce her head.

"Nngh.....!"

Tirpitz desperately tries to move her stiff arm to push the dagger into fatally stabbing her head, but that part of her body is somehow not coordinating with her.

"Just.....let me die already!"

No matter how much she tries to end herself, her body doesn't obey her. At that time, Tirpitz has yet to realize she's "not alone" in her imprisonment. Her will contradicts someone else's will. It's why her arm couldn't let the ice pierce her head.

"Ha.....hahaha.....even my body won't let me die....."

The ice on her hand disintegrates into bits and vanishes as it rises in the air. This further frustrates Tirpitz that she could only laughingly mock herself.

"I'm not supposed to remain alive, but.......I couldn't even undo myself......."

As she sits at the side of a bed placed at the corner of a room, Tirpitz is reminded how she's imprisoned when her situation isn't her choice. It's a mistake by Bismarck and everyone else in Iron Blood by Bismarck, but they contained their mistake without admitting it.

"They just.....couldn't let me go. Ha....hahahaha......"

There's no one to comfort or even listen to her, so even her persisting emotions are in chaos. Tirpitz's will is being tested, but even someone like her can break because she's born from the thoughts and wills of humans. She continues to dryly laugh at herself while she buries her face on her hands and the sound of her faint sobbing masked by the cracking ice around her.