It's Lust, Not Love

Part 15

Lewis’s POV

“Hello? Ana?” I answered my phone after the first ring.

“Can you meet me somewhere? We need to talk.” She sounded serious.

“Yeah, sure. Where?”

“How about the pier?”

“I’ll see you there.”

Something had been bugging Ana yesterday when I stopped by her house. She had wanted to tell me about something, but the phone call about her friend’s mom had interrupted her. What she wanted to tell me couldn’t be good; she had been really torn up about it. Better go see what’s up.

I walked towards her. She was standing at the end of the pier, wearing only a white sundress despite the cold, windy weather that had driven all others away, leaving the pier empty. The whole scene was rather desolate and depressing, actually.

She turned around to face me, wind whipping her hair around. Her eyes were dry, but I could tell she had been crying only minutes before from tear streaks down her cheeks. Her face was not red though, she actually had a calm, refined look about her. She didn’t look like my Ana, she looked too serious and put-together.

“Ana?” Her eyes never left my face, but she bit her lip, revealing her nervousness. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Remember I was trying to tell you something yesterday?” I nodded and she kept going. “I told you I had done something terrible, something I should never, ever have done?”

“Yes, you told me that.”

“I didn’t mean to, I didn’t realize at the time. It was only afterwards…” She trailed off.

“What did you do, Ana?” She took a deep breath.

“I had this all rehearsed in my head. I knew everything I was going to say to you, to explain to you, but everything I was going to say just disappeared, left my head. What do I start with?”

“You could start with the truth.”

“I had sex with your brother! I didn’t know, I thought it was you, and then there was this gift and a note and I didn’t know what to do!” She kept going, trying to explain, but all I heard were those 6 words, over and over in my head. I had sex with your brother! And I remembered his bet he had made with me, that he would have her. Well, he won. Congratulations, Rowland, your prize is getting to see me getting hurt once again by the one I love. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. I thought Ana was different, I thought there would never be a repeat of what happened with Cara. And to think I actually thought Rowland might be trying to make amends! I’m such an idiot!

“L-Lewis? Please say something!”Blood was trickling down her lip from where she had been chewing it.

“Why did you do it?”

“I got a text from your phone telling me to come over and when I did all the lights were off and I couldn’t see anything and was whispering but he sounded just like you!”

“So he tricked you?”

“I didn’t know it wasn’t you, Lewis.” She stared into my eyes. What was I supposed to think? I believed her; Rowland would do something like that. But could I forgive her? I wanted to, but thinking of her with him just made me sick.

“I believe you.” I saw her eyes widen and she was about to say something but I held up one finger. “But I need some time to think things over.”

“Does that mean we’re over?” She asked in a small voice.

“No, it just means we’re taking a break.” She shook her head and turned to face the sea.

“That always means it’s over.” I saw a perfectly round tear slide down her cheek and fall into the ocean.

“Not this time. I just need to think about things. I’ll call you as soon as I’ve figured things out.” She didn’t show any signs that she heard me, but I knew she did. I turned and walked away from her, off the pier, towards my car, every step away from her feeling like a knife stabbing my chest. I wanted to run back to her and hold her, tell her I completely forgive her, but I couldn’t, not just yet.

Ana’s POV

I stayed standing on the edge of the pier for what felt like an hour after Lewis left.

 He was gone, and he wasn’t going to come back to me. It’s only once someone is gone that you realize just how much you really need them, and I needed Lewis. I had managed to screw everything up, just like always.

 The sun had already set and the moon was high in the sky before I left my spot on the pier, but I didn’t go home. Instead, I walked to where the ocean lapped at the shore, leaving cold, wet sand where it had been moments before, and I lay down, letting the sea water wash over me, soaking my clothes, my hair. I didn’t feel the dampness, nor the cold as it hit me over and over again in a constant rhythm. I didn’t feel anything at all until I got up to walk back home. That’s when the cold hit me, and I began to shiver, my teeth chattering, goose bumps forming on my skin. I was barefoot as well and rocks lodged themselves in my feet with each step, but the pain from the stones in my feet was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than to never have had loved at all never knew what losing a true love felt like. I had finally come to terms with what I felt for Lewis; it was not just lust, but love.

Would he ever return the feeling?