Secrets You Bleed

𝕎𝕙𝕪 ℕ𝕠𝕥?

First-person perspective

The car was silent. Neither of us said anything until Tristan pulled into his driveway.

"Why were you smoking with a stranger? Especially when you said you were coming over."

He had a look of hurt and concern on his face. It made me want to hug him and apologize to him for hours. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to get out of my head.

"I'm sorry," I said hanging my head down low.

"Sorry doesn't cut it! You can't do that with strangers, you don't know what could have been in that. It could have been laced with just about any drug. God if you got hurt I don't know what I'd do!" He yelled.

He turned to face me grabbing my shoulders and directing my sight to his eyes.

"You have to promise me you'll never do that again. Never EVER do drugs with a stranger, ESPECIALLY by yourself."

I sat there shocked, I knew I upset him, but I didn't think it was this bad. He shook me out of my thoughts, demanding I promise him.

"Promise me!" He drilled.

"I promise."

His hand dropped and fell back to his side. He ran his hand through his brown locks and let out a loud sigh.

"God y/n you can't fucking scare me like that." He whispered burying his face into his palms.

"I'm sorry," I whispered back.

We sat in the car for a couple more minutes until Tristan had calmed down. He opened his car door and ushered for me to follow.

He lived in a small house with 2 bedrooms. One belonged to his roommate and the other was his. It was snug with a decent-sized living room but it also doubled as the dining room and the kitchen. Walking into the house leads you directly to the living room. 2 doors on the right side of the wall house the bedrooms and in the middle was the bathroom. I tried not to go in there. Tristan opened his bedroom door and we both plopped on the bed. His room was tiny, with one bed a desk, and a dresser. There was no closet and those 3 things took up more than half the room space. What he did have were spacious walls. He leaned over the headboard and turned on his projector. He picked up his laptop putting on the one and only Lorax.

"We're still on for this plan?" I laughed

"Fuck yeah, unless you'd rather watch some horror shit while we're fucked up?"

I was a little confused because I honestly didnt think we were still going to smoke after what happened. "Are you ok with this after what happened?" I asked.

He ran his hand through his hair again. He did that whenever he was stressed or thinking about something serious. I hate the reasons he does it, but I love it when he does. He looks so amazing with his hair slightly curly with a buzzed undercut that touched his ears. I felt myself staring and looked away pushing the feelings I so badly wished to deny deep into the pit of my stomach.

"Listen, let's just try to forget about what happened, don't forget your promise, but let's not allow it to spoil the day. Okay?" He stated

"Ok," I replied.

He pressed play then walked over to his dresser pulling out his bong and a little baggie. He set the bong down on his desk next to his bed and pulled out a bud from the bag. The bud was placed in the bowl and he pulled his lighter from his pocket.

"Cm'ere" he motioned for me to come closer. He brought his hand to my face, slowly moving strands of hair out of my face. I didn't know what to do and felt flustered as he handed me the bong. I brought the base to my lips and inhaled as he lit the bowl.

My lungs burned in a way I fell in love with. A burning that reminded me in 15 minutes I wouldn't be thinking about my dad, school, or my predetermined life. Right now it was just me Tristan and this bong. Truly the only thing I needed in life.

20 minutes had gone by and we passed the bong back and forth numerous times. The bed sheets felt so comfortable and I sensed my body becoming heavier. I rolled over to face Tristan only to see his vision glued to the wall. Orange fish flew threw the air catching marshmallows. I couldn't help but giggle, and once I start giggling, I couldn't stop. It became uncontrollable as I rolled on his bed laughing. He looked at me dumbfounded with a hint of red on his cheeks.

"I wish you were always this happy," he said.

I tried to stop laughing and they came through my words like uncontrolled hiccups. "What do you mean?" I asked

"You're always upset, or faking your smiles, and I can tell so there's no point in lying."

My laughter had died and I reached for the bong taking another deep hit. Breathing it in for longer than I should have exhaling a large cloud of smoke. Through the fog, Tristan's face got closer cupping my face in his hands.

"What aren't you telling me y/n?" He asked staring deep into my eyes. I didn't know what to say, how to lie if I could lie, or if I could lie to him. I've never lied to him before just dodged questions and gave vague answers. He was so close to me though. I couldn't focus on my answer, only on his face. His deep green eyes hued in a shade of red, sculpted nose and jaw, were complimented by his soft cheekbones. But mainly his lips. They looked so soft and warm. I wanted nothing more than to bring mine to his. I knew I was staring but I didn't care, he was so close. I bit my lip and looked him in the eyes. My heart was beating out of my chest as his eyes stayed on mine.

"I'm... I'm not hiding anything." I whispered.

He pulled away and flopped back on his bed. "We've been friends for years, why can't you open up to me?" He said burying his face in his palms.

"I don't know what to say, I'm not hiding anything," I responded. He jolted up grabbing my shoulders, "Stop lying to me y/n!"

I felt my heart crack and the drugs seep into my words, "I- I can't tell you." I whimpered. He wrapped his arms around me squeezing me tight.

"Y/n, you can tell me anything" he whispered into my shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1126 words

Let me know how you feel about Tristan❤️

3/5/23