“It’s not easy, to keep loving someone who’s given up on.”
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"I feel like slowly slowly the world is closing for me..... I'm happy where I'm with the amount of people I've in my life. I don't need anything more or less, just you, our children. My world start and end there."
He wanted to look into her eyes but he didn't because looking at her would mean disturbing her from the position she seemed to be too comfortable in. She looked so comfortable in his arms. He looked so comfortable having her all cuddled up in his arms. Something they haven't done in a really long time.
The autumn started and Ertugrul knew Halime loved nothing more than listening to wind, when the sun is not burning her skin, the chill breeze, peaceful evenings and his arms.
They were sitting under a tree looking at the sky as the birds flew back to their homes and sunset started to approach. His head was resting above hers while hers chose to rest on his chest, his heart, her home.
"I feel like it's getting late."
"I'm happy here." She said which he understood as just another version of 'I want to stay' for him. She was happy, they were staying.
"As you say Sultan'm." Ertugrul replied as he rubbed Halime's arms back and forth.
They had problems going on in the tribe, alot of them which Halime was handling alone because Ertugrul was mostly in Sogut. They were dealing with so much since past few years that they even forgot about their relationship.
What was it like and what was it supposed to be, they didn't knew, they never thought. They were hardly together. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. They were used to not having each other, staying silent before they sleep, waking up alone, getting to work and repeat.
"Isn't it the first time I have left the tribe to not go to Sogut since I gave birth to Ceylan?" Halime asked.
"I don't know, is it?" He shot back, genuinely not knowing the answer of it. He was clueless, they were hardly even together those days, how would he know?
Ceylan was fourteen months at that time, she just learned how to walk and Ertugrul even missed that moment she took her first steps, he regretted it till date.
Ceylan came as a little beacon of light in their lives, especially Ertugrul and Halime's. Ertugrul in a sense that he wanted a daughter more than he ever wanted anything and Halime in a sense that Ceylan was the one Ertugrul was used to come back to tribe for. He was so protective of her, he loved her so much, he tucked her in bed everyday he was in tribe.
Halime still remember the moment he told her he wanted to name her Ceylan, he had tears in his eyes at that moment as he called her Ceylan for the first time and placed a kiss on her cheek and then did the same to Halime's.
"Halime-"
“I like that we argue.” Halime told Ertugrul, probably cutting into whatever he was going to say, willing the sticky, tender words out. It caught his attention, those five words.
Argue. That's what they have been doing lately.
Argue. That's what they did yesterday.
Argue. That's what made them not talk to each other even on those nights they are barely together.
Argue. Argue. Argue.
But she said she liked it..... she like that they argue. So be it Halime Sultan.
“Turgut and Aykiz never even want to disagree according to as much as I heard from them. My parents never got a divorce but never even spoke to each other."
Argue. Anger. Fights. Three words roamed freely in Ertugrul's mind as Halime spoke. They argued yesterday and today he took her out so that they can relax, they can listen to birds singing instead of them complaining to each other.
"And—I know you don’t want to talk about it, especially right now, when we are here.... but—I feel like anyone married I know.... even after years of marriage, they are in a marriage where”—she hedge, so they don’t just go down that road all over again and get angry again over the same thing—“they doesn’t actually know their partners all that well." She took a pause, a pause Ertugrul don't wanted her to take as he wanted to hear it all at once and forget about it as soon as he can.
"But it’s always been safe for us to say exactly what we’re thinking with each other. It’s one of my favorite things about being with you. Do you have that with everyone?”
She asked, and when Ertugrul didn’t immediately answer, she told him but Ertugrul thought that did they even knew each other as well as Halime claimed.
“I know you don’t. I like that we argue and get it out. That means that we have things to say and we express and our opinions differ from each other cause that makes sense in a relationship, that makes our relationship work and things smooth. Not every people have this Ertugrul just for the sake of smooth relationship they think arguing is harmful to marriage but it's not.”
We argue but still we don't have a smooth relationship Halime. He wanted to call out but her positive energy was something he didn't wanted to ruin, at least she was trying to find something beautiful in those moments Ertugrul feel so bad.
"Are you confessing that you like our arguments while I feel so bad about each one of them Halime Sultan?" Ertugrul answered, they were looking into each other's eyes now. They knew they will end up arguing about argument.
"Yes I'm telling you that, I like that we have tongues and minds so that we think and talk to each other, what happens if opinions don't match and we argue? Isn't that the point of understanding each other?"
"You are right, but I feel bad...."
"You feel bad because you think you are hurting me by arguing with me. I always wanted a nice and healthy marriage with you Ertugrul, but I never expected anything such as no arguments or fights with you. Just because we...."
She wanted to say love but she didn't knew if it was still there, it was maybe... she didn't knew, they didn't confessed it in a really long time, would her saying the word mean a confession? How and when did they turned like this?
"We.... had a marriage out of love doesn't mean we can't have arguments."
"Marriage out of love.... isn't it what it was?" Ertugrul asked, glaring into her eyes.
"Isn't it what it should've stayed like?" Halime fired back.
"Now we will have an argument." Ertugrul informed and I don't want that.
"I think it is time to have that argument Ertugrul.....the one we have been dodging for so long. Let's grow up, heal up. Let's grow together admiring the flaws our relationship hold."
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Admiring the Flaws
Fanfiction"It's not easy, to keep loving someone who's given up on you." They both loved each other until the separation took place in between them. They are opposite, they knew that but even being in same tent and after twenty years of a beautiful marriage a...
