Falling (Dean Winchester)

How To Fall In Love With Dean Winchester

Luckily for you, you find a job shortly after your friends' hang out. It turns out that quitting became the best decision you could've probably made because this new position gives you a lot more money and free time. It's even better than the promotion that Marcus snatched from you. This new acquisition allows you to distract yourself from thinking too much about your feelings for Dean. Whom, by the way, was surprisingly proud of you for getting a better job. He even shared some pie with you when you told him the news. At first, you thought it was because you would be able to pay him from then on, but then you discovered that it was more than that. Not only did your newfound feelings for Dean destabilized you, but also finding out what you did a few days ago.

Turns out Dean Winchester doesn't really need any of your money anymore. What this means is that he has already paid his and Sam's school debt, thus, sharing the house with you is more of a choice, not a necessity. Of course, he didn't tell you this, you had to find out through Meg after Castiel spilled it out. Dean finished paying all of his debt shortly before Castiel had to move out. So in reality, Dean could've never agreed for you to live with him, and he would've been fine financially. You, on the other hand, really needed a roommate to share expenses with.

Because of this and all he did for you, you kind of feel like a bitch for the way you treated him in those first weeks after moving in with him. Nevertheless, you haven't dared to mention anything to Dean about this matter. Maybe it has to do with your newfound feelings for him because with his new job you've acquired, in a few months' time, there would be no reason for you to have a roommate either. You're getting paid well enough for you to rent on your own and even buy a house in due time. Still, what is it that makes you hesitate to leave Dean's place? It's more than just your feelings for him. It's the way you feel comfortable around him and that you really don't want to move into a lonely house with nobody. You don't want to live in someplace where Winchester isn't going to be waiting for you with a warm dinner and a handsome smile. The only remaining question is, if Dean never needed your money, why did he agree to be your roommate? Was it pity? Or was it something more?

The thought of just going for it lingers through your head on Saturday movie night. You think of a thousand different where you tell Dean the truth about your feelings and face them head-on. You also consider just swallowing them down and never thinking of them ever again. Sadly, now that you've discovered your emotions, there's no real way to forget them or dampen them when you see him. And your heart screams at you for something you're not sure if you can provide. Ever since you've acknowledged that you love Dean Winchester, you've been trying to decipher whether he feels the same or not. You've been unsuccessful.

He's charming towards you, as always, and your friendship seems to be thriving more than anything. The fact that there are no clear signs of interest beyond that should discourage you to pursue anything further, but there are hints that make you wonder if he truly is romantically indifferent to you. For starters, there was the sex war fiasco that prompted you to wonder whether your desire started since then, because a normal person wouldn't really have that sort of reaction to their roommate having sex. Then there was the fact that you haven't seen him with a girl ever since you started getting along. He doesn't even pay them any mind when you go out. It's like you were the only one in the room... Or at least it feels that way. And he isn't shy about touching you, either. It's nothing too suggestive, but he would caress your arm while watching Dr. Sexy or place his hand on your back while guiding you to his car. It's like he's waiting for a reason to touch you. And you crave it, you like the way his leg brushes yours when you sit side-by-side on the couch, or the way his hand intertwines with yours ever so randomly. It's not something constant, but it happens, and it makes you wonder.

It makes you wonder why he cooks dinner for you when you get home late or why, sometimes, you catch him staring at you from the corner of your eye. It just makes you wonder if you should say something, if you should confess your love first because you can't look away anymore. But you get embarrassed when you remember how things used to be; when you hated him for no reason. How can you tell him that your feelings have changed so drastically? How can you tell him that you used to think he was a complete douche? You can't tell him, can you? You don't think he's mean enough to laugh in your face or something like that, but what if your suspicion is wrong, and he doesn't feel the same way? And why are you acting like a shy schoolgirl? Why can you use face your feelings head-on? Those lingering thoughts are what make you decide on the truth. The worst thing that can happen is him rejecting you, and you can definitely cope with moving out of his place. Maybe.

"Dean?"

"Umm?"

He doesn't look at you from the TV screen, with complete attention to what's happening on the show. His arm is draped casually on the back of the couch behind you. It's not on your shoulders, but you can feel the heat radiating from it. Maybe it's because his green gaze isn't directed towards you, but you find the courage to speak:

"Why would you think if Charlie and Benny started dating?"

The odd questioning has his brows raised at you, Dr. Sexy long forgotten. "Charlie is lesbian..."

You have to stop yourself from smacking yourself right on the forehead. Of course, you'd come up with an unfitting analogy. "Yeah, I know, but like, I mean, if she wasn't?"

"But she is." Dean clearly doesn't know where you're going with this, and neither do you, if you're honest.

"I know," you emphasize, "but just pretend that she's hetero?"

Dean's confused gaze alternates between you and the TV screen. "Then I guess, ok?" He clears his throat, "they're consenting adults so, whatever?"

"But they're friends?" You look away from his beautiful face, "wouldn't it be weird?"

Dean shifts uncomfortably beside you, Dr. Sexy's re-run still playing in the background. "Maybe? Only if they make it weird." Your eyes meet his. "Cas and Meg were friends before they dated..."

You hold his gaze, "yeah, but they're Cas and Meg- always meant to be together."

"Who says they're the only ones?"

His stare is intense and all-consuming, you're bewitched. Green eyes shine perfectly, and the little freckles dusting his nose and cheekbones are oh-so-tempting. You want to run a finger through them, cross the bridge of his nose, and grasp his face in between your hands. How nice would it feel his strong arms grab you to pull you into his lap? Your nails scratching the back of his head, sending shivers down his spine. Then his-

"Why? You got a thing for Benny?" The deafening silence is broken by Dean's accusation.

You're not sure if it's the question itself or if you're just too deep into your imaginations, but your voice comes shrill when you ask: "what?"

Dean looks back at the TV, "isn't that why you're asking? Don't you have a thing for Benny?"

You have absolutely no fucking clue what he's talking about, you and Benny? The thought has never crossed your mind before.

"No?" The negative comes out more as a question because of your confusion. "What makes you say that?"

You keep your eyes on his profile, but he refuses to meet your gaze. Dean shrugs. "I saw you two talking, you really do get along."

What the hell? "I mean, yeah, we're friends-" You really don't know what's on Dean's mind. Then, an idea pops into your mind. "Are you- are you jealous?"

His head snaps in your direction so fast that you're worried he might break his neck. "Why would I be jealous?"

Now it's your turn to look away. However, there's something in his voice that encourages you further. "I don't know... people get jealous sometimes of their friends liking other friends. Not that I like Benny." You clarify.

"Well, I'm not." Then, he adds, "Benny is cool but- but he isn't for you-, you- deserve more." You gape at him, but as expected, he isn't looking at you anymore. You're not sure what to say after, so you decide to just stare back at the TV screen, neither of you paying attention anymore.