The Book of Life: Sweet Poison

1.Warmth of Freedom

1...

Dear diary,

please keep this a secret.

10...

Today because I broke his bottle.

37...

Should I tell mom? No.

124...

It was my favourite dress...

256...

Why? Why me?

305...

I no longer could take this...

327...

Mom, I'm tired.

365...

Enough.

***

366...

It's ok, he's gone. Forever.

***

Its been a long time since I last saw my father. The first time I met him was when I was 8. I didn't really get to live with him for a long time because...

I lived with him for 472 days, to be precise.

And for the time I lived with him, all I could see was him. He was the first person I saw in the morning, the last person I saw at night, though it felt never-ending. He was in my thoughts, in my studies, in my dreams and my nightmares. I could never estimate till what extent were my decisions correct, if they caused inconvenience to him, to mama, to Sakshi or Saurabh... or to me. I wrote in my diary for this past 1 year, wondering if I should abandon it, but I decided otherwise, and that was a decision I made for myself despite all the consequences.

I don't want to forget any moment of my life. Especially, not today.

***

All mama told us was, "He is a bad man."

Sakshi and Saurabh didn't seem to understand the severity of the situation, but that wasn't important right now. We got half of the property under mama's name, the sentence was reduced but at least, I was completely out of suspicion, it was self-defence...

He would be nowhere near us for the next 7 years.

We both were tired as we entered our house. It wasn't really all that special, just a few kid's drawings here and there, old peeled pink paint that didn't match well with the house, but as mom says, these are memories, chapters of our life.

And today, maybe a new chapter was being written in our life...

Maybe, Chapter 112.... - The Warmth of Freedom.

"Sakshi, bring me a glass of water."

Everyone was tired... well, except one person.

"Mama, didi(older sister), let's play a game of chess. I learned many new tricks today!" Well, never did I ever imagine that 5 year olds would be so interested in such a mind-wrecking game. Saurabh. He never really cared who was at home. All that mattered to him was- there should be someone to play chess with him. Maybe if some day a burglar visited our home, he would be invited for a game of chess, with chocolate cookies. And chips.

Sakshi was the polar opposite. Despite being dramatic and lazy, she understood the room and mood better than anyone else, and questioned nothing. Soon a glass of water was in front of mama, and it all vanished in less than 5 seconds.

"I am going to sleep now. Don't disturb me. If the housemaid comes, tell her to only do the dishes. You three also take some rest."

And that was when I was bombarded with questions.

"Mama looks angry."

"No. She looks kinda relaxed."

"Why does she look like that?"

"Why is she home earlier today?"

"Did something happened today? She also took leave."

"Maybe she didn't eat her favourite kulfi today..."

"Did that neighbour aunty say something to her?"

But then Saurabh asked me the most obvious yet surprising question, the one that stayed with me all night.

"Why did mama say that about papa? When will he be back?"

Maybe, this is how its like to be the oldest, having to answer all the questions.

They weren't able to understand much about the situation, no matter how smart. But I knew a lot more than that, because afterall, i was the reason for 'his' absence from our life.