Kuch Kisse Roohaniyat Ke

Page 6

Dear Diary

Who would have thought I would be at loss of words but I'm, maybe there's always a first time for everything and I am experiencing it now.....

I have always wondered how does it feel to be in love like really in love , but before I could actually experience something even close I knew my fate was decided

Marrying Aarav Was something I know will happen anyhow , Because I know I have no reason to decline that particular proposal, Yes he was What anyone wants for their daughter, well Settled, Well Mannered, a perfect family men and hence I could not point out anything wrong In what my Mother chose for me but still there was this constant fear in me about this whole thing.

" Shehnaaz I swear I had no idea what our parents were planning "

I was in no mood to entertain this right now, Just a moment back My fate was sealed , I was engaged to Aarav and I didn't even had a say in it , why was my mother in such a hurry I can never comprehend it .

It was just 14 days From the Time Sidharth's grandmother died and In the span of these few Days I have known a thing that what I have for Sidharth is not what I have for an ordinary friend of mine out there, I mean yes he is a friend but just not friend. Am I even making sense? I'm not I know that.

Looking at this solitaire in my hand I'm feeling numb, Like Literally No emotion in me, is it supposed to be such I don't know , All I need is sanity within me , and How do I get it I fucking have no idea.

" Shehnaaz, Open your door sweetheart " It's my father knocking on the door and I sighed, Mother's do have a superior hand in a household and Hence I can not blame him for whatever happened an hour ago.

" Shehnaaz, Please Bacha, Open the door, You have hardly had Anything to eat from the time you woke up sweetheart" He spoke knocking silently again, and I stood up from my bed , The dress I am wearing is far off from my taste but I guess I had to wear this because again it was my fucking engagement and you need to look what you are not on it !

" Sana " He had spoken and here I was on my bed again, not even bothering to change the dress I'm wearing.

" You won't talk With me" My Father asked again and trust me my diary I am feeling to have a breakdown but I can't, I'm not weak And I know that ....
I just can't understand why am I feeling this way, it was quite evident the time I came here from Bangalore that this was what I was supposed to be doing and I literally have no idea as to why is this sinking feeling in me .

" I guess there's nothing to talk Dad, What I was here for has finally been successful isn't it ? " I replied to him and my dear Diary trust me I feel bad about it the moment I utter those words.

" Shehnaaz, You don't want to marry him, but Your mother told me you have no issue, she has been asking you from the past many days now " he spoke and I looked at him but never uttered a word.

What should I say? That yes you are right again, she did asked me but I don't have a reason to deny, although I wanted to, tell me what should I say my dear Diary, Are marriages supposed to be fixed in such a short span ? I don't know.

" Yes she did Dad, and I have not refused but neither did I agreed, I had no idea she was planning my engagement today, wasn't I supposed to be known beforehand, don't you think It was my right, What anyways was done is done right and I have to leave Dad, Have to join my Work From tomorrow " I spoke but not even attempted to look at him, I have always loved him and he has been my role model , I have all respect for him but right now I'm not in a right straight of mind , I was engaged for God sake's and what the future held for me is something I am again unknown for.