Kuch Kisse Roohaniyat Ke

Page 8

Dear Diary ,

It is better said than done , I know having said this , I am a mess , Working for 12 hours a day, and Eating for the rest  ...
Sleep is something that has been far away from the wink of my eyes.
I sleep for a few hours a day , Yes I'm not insomniac as of now.....
No I'm not insomniac at all.
I sleep from 2 in the morning to 6 in the morning, 4 hours and Hence I'm not suffering from insomnia.

It's just I am tired, Physically and Mentally too.

I am fine for 5 days a week but the weekdays are a torture to me , I'm alone in my room, no roommate, no Family and no person I can share myself with.

Yes , This takes me back to how Mad I was, to propose A live in With Sidharth, whom I hardly know, I mean yes I wanted to know him because it feels we had a lifetime together but guess what Impulses are always wrong, maybe My mother was right ....

Did He deny ? I don't know I mean yes that was what I could make out from the way he said .

" Decisions in impulses are always wrong Ms. Beautiful"

His voice , the baritone of a soothing, calming voice was all that I heard even now.
Anyways his words were what made me question my self worth too , What else do I had to make it out from that.

So yeah I'm trying, To actually digest what I presented myself to him, as a desparate Person Maybe !

I don't know !
Also Just to tell you it's been a month since that incident happened in the airplane, He was there , he still is but maybe I'm backing out , I have no energy in me to fight against all the odds now.

I'm broken person ! Broken because I'm still engaged too Aarav and he is trying, Trying for a long Distance relationship I suggested, It's just I am not getting what I want, I clearly Have no idea about how to deal with this.

I sighed getting up and scrolling through my messages on WhatsApp...
There were 5 unread from my colleague but it has been my policy of no work on Saturday, Well Sunday I do because I want to spend my day well.

Yes that's what I do .

Scrolling down there was a message from my Mother , I sighed opening it.

" Shehnaaz Again it has been the same , you are quite busy aren't you ? It doesn't work this way, You are engaged in case you are forgetting, following your dreams doesn't mean you ignore your family sweetheart and Along with us , Aarav and his family is your responsibility now "

The message read and my dear Diary I might tell you this! Exactly this takes me on a road I never wanted to , Road of self guilt, self loathing and self hate to put in correct words.

Gone are the days I loved Bollywood, Now I hate it, it has Spoiled my mind to be sane , It has made me what I never want myself to be.
I need to get out from my fairytales and I better know this now.

" I was busy Mom, Earning this much takes half of my patience already Nd I try alright, I really don't wanna pick up a fight again but I am trying, you don't believe me ask your favourite Aarav , I'm sure he believes me too and Yes Give my love to Dad, Tell him I miss him here"

I typed and sent, I know that might hurt her but I can't help , could I? Maybe she is right in finding Aarav but I still stand on my ground of being informed beforehand, which apparently I was not.

Okay let it be , I scrolled my screen again and there was a message from Aarav.

" Will be done by 8 in the evening Shehnaaz, Call whenever you are free after that "

It read and I sighed , he genuinely was trying wasn't he ?
Was I worth it ?

I sighed scrolling down again, And then that's when It again caught my Attention.