Kuch Kisse Roohaniyat Ke

Page 10

Dear Sidharth.....

I'm sorry Diary this letter is not for you , this is for my Sidharth...
I need to be vocal about what I feel for him but I can't, I'm not that open about my feelings, so this letter is for Sidharth, which I am never going to give him, Never ! Because I will say all these things on his face myself, Alas but the problem is I don't know when .

Sidharth Kumar Ahuja ! or should I say My Mr. Stranger

Someone who owns a piece of my heart, from the very first time I saw him on the train, sitting on the window seat with a toddler in his lap, I don't know why but for a second I really thought that was his child and I smiled sadly thinking I am never gonna be a part of his life ....

He was a mere stranger at that time , Now He is someone I really want to spend my entire life with

" Hey ! "  Do you remember this was the word you spoke when you saw me sitting just next to you , you were very busy with that kid and I tried ignoring you but the voice , the eyes , the nose, the body , the style in short everything about you was attractive, but the most beautiful part of you is your smile.

You know there is a tug at my heart, When you smile , when you throw your head backward and all your 32 white guards are out there on display, you look breathtakingly hot.

I don't know if you remember me the same way I do but I feel I am crazy to remember you like that , the black shirt tucked in so neatly in those black jeans, you were a sight to watch ..

Still are but just seeing you that close, as nothing more than a mere stranger brought me to a self conflict.

" You know I don't mind you looking at me 24*7 but there are people around, who might think wrong "

His voice still rings in my ear, the exact words and the expressions everything is as fresh as it could be and I know I was embarrassed getting caught then but not now, you are mine.

You remember these journeys have been special to us, From Banglore to back home , you said me we will meet again and we did , You are My Dad's Favourite Mr. Stranger and I don't know why but I feel bad that I never met you in my own house even when Dad has called me number of times to meet you when I was younger

Anyways and then when we came back to Banglore there in the plane, between an ocean of clouds you expressed how special I'm to you and I wish I could have done that too but the way your eyes held me captive I was not at fault, I wasn't alright.

I am trying really hard to get you out of my system to get it function normally but you know what you are there etched deep inside me.

I don't know when the love this deep , this drowning happened but it did, the way your warm lips feels on mine , I just loose it every damn time.

Fuck !

Sorry for my language but I never express what I felt after you kiss me, I am not that expressive maybe but I try to reciprocate, I love the way you always kiss my forehead at the end , the sign that you not just love my body but you love my soul and trust me I feel guilty, guilty for not being able to reciprocate the same, trust me I do , I do love you but I am tired, tired of fighting with my family and involving one more in it , Aarav isn't at fault , he never was, it was just me who is unable to give it a try there , it's me who without even Trying got involved with you Sidharth and trust me I don't regret us!

You are that phase of my life Sidharth where I don't need to pretend, I'm happy because for a change I actually am, The Interior Designing keeps my body alive and You, You keep my soul alive Sidharth.

I don't know if I'm ever gonna give this to you because it's my happy place , this diary it's my happy place, where I'm not going to be judged , I know this was meant to be yours but I am never gonna give this to you not until I'm Your Wife, I dream to have a life ahead with you, A life I'm known as Mrs. Shehnaaz Sidharth Ahuja , who thought I would want to spend my entire life with someone other than me , but I do , I do want to Spend my entire life with you, Till the time I don't remember Anything because maybe I am grown old enough to have develop Alzheimer's and I forget you , this heart will still beat for you Sidharth.

Aarav ! Aarav is a phase of my life, Someone I'm engaged to but I know I have no future there maybe because I cannot try !

All I know is seeing you sleeping so peacefully I want to replace those pillows in your arms, Do you even know you open your mouth a little while sleeping, And you are a cuddler, a heavy cuddler, There are three pillows you have engulfed, two in your legs and one in your hands, I really want to be there in your arms, feeling your heat that emits from you and also the heart that I hope beats for me......

I love you Sidharth!
I do !

I hope I would say this to you .
Yours and Only Yours
Ms. Beautiful

*

She really knows how to make me happy even now, How well does she knows me!
She knew I was not happy Hearing her being fixed to Aarav and being in a dark spot for years actually and this The way she confesses her love always melts my heart.

You remember the first time.... Shehnaaz proposed you ?

I do !  Who would forget that day ! I can't , I can't even describe how surprised I was, I meant I was not even knowing that she felt this way for me! I knew she cared for me, she always did , she was attached to me , but I never knew how that came that day, I was surprised! I really was and you know the best part was the ring she made out of the aluminium foil, I meant it was sudden, we were there on this dinner at a small resturant, we were happy exploring us, taking it slow and I remember that day, she was really upset on something, I knew she had a fight with her mother and she was really crying that day when we decided to go on a dinner date, at a simple restaurant not something posh and neither a five star , it was simple and elegant something I liked and there she did what I never expected, it was just 10 days after  we shared our first kiss!

I was surprised yes and The filmy she is ! She is a fan of bollywood do you know ! She is a total Bollywood Stuff, and that was the time I knew I was ready , maybe never loosing her was a win for me , maybe that was what I always wanted.

Shehnaaz, Shehnaaz is the best thing that happened to me , and I would always be grateful.

You have no issue in remembering your Shehnaaz.

No , She is what I survive for, She is here, here in my heart and I know she is there around me too.

I know she is here ! With me ! Beside Me Till the time She suffers Alzehimers I know, Just like she said and then I know I would be there for her .

How does she look Sidharth?

She .....
How does she look ?
A breeze of fresh air, Those beautiful eyes, that scream how much she loves me .....
The smile that is etched on me forever , Who.....

Who????

Who ......
I don't know......
Shehnaaz I need to see her , where is she ?
I want her.....
I want My Ms. Beautiful beside me....
Shehnaaz!
I know you are here, please ... Baby don't do this to me.....
Where are you ..
Shehnaaz!!!!!

Relax Sidharth! You need to calm down !

Shut up ! Just shut up , Shehnaaz!!!!! You said you would be there, where are you sweetheart!!!!

Do touch the star icon at the end
Don't forget to comment down your views.

I am still recovering from the after effects of Migraine and I need time to be back to write like before.
Have patience please.

Love