Tangent | Soukoku; AU [✔]

41 ➳ skeletons // h.x

i'm not entirely sure what to feel anyone at this point. not only that some curious brown-haired man peeked through my hair, but also he managed to get me into tears. somehow, everything reminded me of the past that i didn't want to think about anymore.

so i asked dazai about what he thinks of chuuya as a person; for no particular reason, really. i just want the attention away from me.

"if i were you," dazai spoke with a smile still plastered on his face. "i wouldn't get too close with that shorty. you might end up in the same face as i did."

i'm not surprised with his answer anymore. he did give the same answer earlier this week. also, from the very beginning, it felt like both of them were at each other's throats all of the time. perhaps i underestimated them both and that there could be a deeper cut somewhere beneath them. and for some reason, they're more hostile when i'm in the same room as they are.

is it just me, or am i their problem? or am i causing some seeded problems that's bound to grow in the future?

it's only been a week and i'm already gaslighting myself to something i'm not even sure of. great.

"well, if you aren't going to tell me what happened in the game," dazai continued after a momentary silence between us. "it's fine, i won't force you. let's just talk about something else, yes?"

it's not that i don't want to tell anything about the game, i just don't want to backstab chuuya to the man he hates the most. the last thing i want is to hurt other people. therefore, i'll just keep what happened in today's game as another skeleton to keep. i have more than enough space to hide it anyway.

dazai and i ate and drank in peace, while he moved on from the topic of the game. he asked me questions such as how i got myself into gaming and art, things about my life, stuff like that. while i avoided a lot of the more personal stuff, i will admit, it was nice to converse with someone that wasn't any of the people at the apartment.

in no time, it was almost curfew time for me. dazai walked with me until i reached home, exchanging our good nights before i entered in to the apartment gates. hawthorne was sitting on the dining table reading his favorite book when i opened our room.

"twain told me that you won the game today," the pastor greeted me with a sly smile, but quickly switching back to his serious face. "i would like to extend my sincere congratulations to you."

"thank you, mr. hawthorne," i answered back, my legs dragging me to the fridge to grab some water before jumping my ass to the couch. "i hope mark didn't force you to watch the game?"

"no. it's all good. i won't understand a thing even if he did," the man closed his bible and turned around to my direction. "but why does it seem like you're not satisfied with your victory, child?"

ah curses, not again. i've been trying to avoid answering that all day, but it's not like hawthorne wouldn't notice - him out of people wouldn't miss it for the world.

but at least he'd respect it when i don't want to tell it in the first place.

"i... i would rather not talk about it now." was all i said.

hawthorne stood up from his seat and walked towards me, and then sat right next to me to give a very awkward pat on the head. moments later, his words rang to my ears. "don't let your guilt ever eat you alive, hayakawa."