MIDNIGHT SUN

CHAPTER SIX

KHALILAH P.O.V

I was escorted back to my room, a lot of emotions going through my head right now. As soon as I entered my room I was served lunch, not that I had any appetite but I remember Olive strict orders of being forced and that was the reason why these guards are here right now. I don't want to be forced to do everything, I sat and ate reluctantly. Even though my body was rejecting the food I swallowed down every last bit of it. I felt miserable, I hated my family, how can they do this to me? What's with the letter mother wrote to me? I grabbed it again and read it hoping it was just the shock that made me see things.  

"Khalilah if you're reading this, I can guess how much you hate me.'' I scoffed, you have no idea how much I hate you right now mom. You don't have any idea how my hatred is burning my body. "But I'm sure you'd have figured out that it was for the better; there is nothing anyone can do about it. If you weren't so stubborn and selfish I would have taught you how to be a good wife to Lord Olive.'' Really mom? I'm selfish and stubborn, wanting you to love me just like to love my sisters is selfish?! Tears well up in my eyes, 'I hate you.' I said out loud , surprising the maids around me.
"You'll be doing our family a lot of help, we know we are asking too much from you; but that's the only way you can pay us back for taking care of you up until now. I'm sorry if I couldn't love you like I did to your siblings, I'm also aware that you've had it rough So as your mother the only thing I can do for you, is to wish you happiness where you are now." She didn't even apologize to me properly! I don't know if she is truly sorry how she has treated me, I don't know anything, I never know anything. Even though I wanted to believe it was a lie, I know this is my mom's seal and her handwriting. I won't ever forgive them for this, I pushed her letter away and picked my grandma's letter. I wonder what she would say, I hadn't read it at all. I need a better explanation why they would do this to me.
"Khalilah darling, forgive me for being a bad grandmother. I can't even imagine how sad you must be now, I know it's unbelievable but it's true. I tried my best to tell you the whole truth, but I just couldn't. I believed  you were too pure for this world, you're so kind and gentle even though your mom told us the opposites. I tried to make someone else volunteer but everyone was bent on making you the last sacrifice.'' I sniffed, last? So after me there would be no other sacrifice? Is that why it's necessary? Is that why no one told me anything? Because they were afraid I'll run away and then have to donate their precious children and since I am the least precious it doesn't matter if I died.
"I wanted to tell you but I couldn't stand in front of you as a failure, I've seen how Lord Olive is no matter what just do your best to survive. Even if you're not with me here, knowing you are alive and safe somehow is okay for me... promise me you'll not let him kill you, do your best to live. My precious grandchild.'' I would have listened to you if you told me, I wouldn't feel this miserable, I wouldn't feel abandoned and rejected. Olive is a twisted man, he threatens me and uses violence; if I was told before hand I would have prepared for all these. Is this the kind of life you wanted for your precious grandchild? This isn't the kind of life I wanted. Just in between my bawling I remember grandma, she always looked like she wanted to say something and anytime I ask, she just tell me she loves me.  I'm sorry grandma, I don't hate you, I don't hate anyone of you. I bet it's harder for them, to let go of flesh and blood. My mom always ignored me and act like I wasn't part of the family for a day like this. She didn't want to have any lingering affection towards me, because she will be devastated when I go. That's why she never paid me any attention and act like I wasn't there most of the time. But mom, don't you think you over did it a bit? I wanted you to carry me too, I wanted you to feed me too, I wanted you to cry because I was sick too! I wanted you to compliment me when I did something you love because I... I have always... Always yearn for your affection and your attention. Knowing that I'll never get it hurts me even more, I wanted to become someone you'll be proud of and now I'll never be that. Dad, I miss dad too. I'll never see him again probably. I'll never see my sisters again, I'll never see my friends again even my new crush Robert. I can just picture them being happy right now, like nothing has changed. They are happy without me anyways and they'll be more happy, I just wonder if maybe they'll think about me sometimes.
    So am I accepting my fate and this marriage? I'm not too sure I don't want to rush to agree like that since Olive has given me some time to think about it I'll come to an agreement with myself.