2am

day 4

yuna's parent divorced when she was 10 years old.

because she's closer to her mom than her dad, yuna lives with her mom. she still hangs out with her dad on the weekend. her mom and her dad are still in contacts as nourish partners, taking care of yuna.

even though she likes mom, yuna still cares about her dad. eventually yuna and her dad stopped talking or meeting each other.

......

have you ever felt like.. you just don't know what you want?

for example,

you entered a huge mall, it got everything in the world. everything.

full of foods that you've never heard of. or foods that you have eaten.

full of books that look incredibly cool, or love novels.

i was into reading love novels when i learnt how to read, i read 5cm per second and after that i really enjoy love novels. but right now, there's a huge "treasure chest" of things i want in front of me, i don't even want to pick a thing.

maybe i don't want them because they're expensive.

maybe i don't want to date yuna because she's out of my league?

matt, my friend, always plays out of league. and it's impressive. seeing how many girls he pulled i want to be like him, it just i dont know which girls to like

there's too many, lots of them are my types.

but i'm not interested in them, i don't know why.

back to the huge mall..

it's like you are forced to buy something if you walk in it.

am i forced to have a goal in life?

because existence isn't fun at all. nothing beautiful i want to achieve, i know life is too big to experience, i'm just not interested in any.

is not having goals in life make you a loser?

and after staring at stuff that looked interesting, i got kicked out of the mall. it might be because they know i wont be buying any.

maybe some people know that i have no goals in life.

2:30 am

i woke up in sweats. i've been sleeping since forever.

i remembered my last thought of "hibernating" is true feelings.

my eyes are still full of tears.

it looks like i got brutally bullied, i look bad.

to make things worse. i still have no goals.

life's probably a simulation.