2am

day 6

2AM.

My usual routine, thinks.

Today, I still didn't sleep, mom said she doesn't like to see me having heavy eye bags. But that maybe because of her terrible beauty standard, women can be complicated.

Yuna, she should be awake now, right? That's when she usually wakes up. I grabbed my phone and turned it on. The brightness instantly killed my eyes, i lowered it down, and hopped to our chat box.

Online 8 hours ago.

I turned my phone off.

There is just no way I can message her right now, what even is there to talk about?

I turned my eyes to my window.

Today was darker than usual. My grandpa said if someone dies that day, the sky wouldn't want to shine so bright. But I believe it is nonsense, that's how universe, science works, it doesn't involve feelings, or deaths. Maybe some of the streetlights didn't work, that's why it's darker.

After my last interview, i entered the room. Only to find yuna staring at the window, I think she really likes the cold, she really likes snow. After a while of talking, she picked up a call, and that's the first time I see someone can change emotions that fast.

Her face turned snow white, and her eyes started to tear up, then she ran out of the room.

I didn't know what happened, I didn't know whose call she picked up, i just know she's really sad.

since when did i start to care about emotions?

and then later that day, we didn't go home together.

i just don't know what bothers her that much.

it doesn't hurt to send her a text, right?

✦

i woke up.

again, where is this place?

again, it is empty.

again, it is black.

i know this isn't a dream, i studied about dreams once, i pinch myself, i get all physical, i just know i am not dreaming.

i decide to stand up, but i can't. something invisible is stopping me, something is pinning me down, and it doesn't want me to leave.

shit. am i getting sleep paralysis?

i decide to close my eyes.

i open it.

nothing happens.

am i really stuck?

suddenly, a thought goes through my mind.

I remembered the phone call today.

i didnt text marc at all, i didn't use my phone at all. what if i use my phone and then another i receive another phone call, saying that my mom died this time?

he is really gone.

he's gone. like, gone-gone. i was crying when i leave General room C. but now, i don't feel sad. i didn't shed a tear since.

i think i don't love my dad anymore.

i miss him, but it is still truly unreal to think that someone like that died. especially if i don't know him personally, i don't interact with him.

farewell, dad, i'm sorry i don't love you anymore.

suddenly, a tear runs down my cheek.

the fact that he's gone, forever, does make me feel some kind of way. and i'm unable to process this information.

i raise my hand near my cheek, preparing to wipe the tears i shed.

but i can't wipe anything, my cheek is dry. it doesn't seem like there was a tear running down there.

i noticed a light under me.

i look down.

stars?

i cry out stars?