Umbrellas in The Sun and Rain

Chapter 2

Theo didn’t think much about it when Boris threw himself on the foot of his bed and proclaimed his love for a girl he called Kotku (“Kitty Cat” in Polish, according to him). At the time he really kept his mind trained on the fact Boris had weed.It was just some stupid crush, right? Boris said that kind of thing about any girl that gave him some kind of attention.

Even when he walked out of class to see Boris standing next to the smaller girl and flirting, he refused to think much on it. Instead, he trained his eyes on her appearance- She was flat chested with scrawny hips and a thin body. Her triangle shaped face was shiny and had sharper features- High cheekbones, sharp nose, piercing blue eyes outlined with dark pencil, and she even had a nose ring. Her black hair was streaked with orange, and she wore a black tank top with a hatched skirt.

When Boris saw him and walked over with a grin plastered on his face as he started to speak, Theo simply gave few word responses, trying to keep his head from wandering too far, until American history, when he sat next to a talkative girl and asked about this Kotku.

She ended up saying Kotku and her mom were both sluts. Kinda just..Bashed her. Still, Theo refused to think badly of the situation. Boris would always choose him over some girl..Right?

Wrong.

First, Boris was too busy to hang out on Friday. Then the rest of the weekend. And when he did come over, it was all, Kotku this, Kotku that.

Soon enough, Theo was sleeping by himself.

The first few night by himself were okay, until the nightmare.

It was normal for him to have nightmares, but over the year he had grown accustomed to waking up in Boris’s arms as he whispered soft things to him and pressed kisses along his neck. Now, he was panting heavily in bed, looking around drowsily for Boris, before sinking into the bed. Right, he was at Kotku’s. 

He curled up, his throat making an involuntary sound as a sign for what was about to happen, before he completely broke down. Boris, Boris, Boris- He missed him. He hated it, but he missed him. He was angry- Angry at what? Kotku? No, she didn’t do anything..Boris? No. He couldn’t be mad at Boris.

He knew what they did meant nothing. They didn’t ever really use the Friends with Benefits When Sober thing other than once or twice, other than a few makeout sessions and Boris’s stupid russian petnames. Still, the faint, blurry memories of Boris during the nights where they weren’t sober kept replaying- Fondling, touching, being called <em> his </em>. 

Theo sobbed harshly into himself, his brain taking over, replaying every scene it could bring up as it insulted him.

Faggot

Tranny

He wants a girl. Not a girl that thinks she’s a guy

Now that he’s with her, he doesn’t need you anymore. She can give him real pleasure, and weed.

Useless faggot

Theo gasped for air. He wanted Boris. He wanted him so much. What was wrong with him? Everything was wrong with him. He was so fucking jealous of Kotku- he refused to admit it but now, in the disgusting heap of tears he was in, he realized he was fucking jealous. He was either straight and pretending to be trans, or he was gay. Gay for Boris.

No.

He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. He liked girls, and he was a guy. He was just desperate for someone to treat him like Boris did in bed. To be called Моя звездочка. “My star”. He wanted to be someone else’s- but who would date him? No girl would want to be with him. No girl would want to touch his chest and stimulate his clit and still call him a boy. No girl would be able to praise and degrade him even if they did want to be like that. His only choice was Boris. That was it, he just..Couldn’t be with a girl until he got surgery, and even then it’d be iffy. Boris was willing to touch him, to call him his котенок. Hah. So much for being Boris’s Kitty when he had Kotku now.