Consequences

Chapter 3

Just looking at the ceiling must not be that bad I guess. Or maybe it is when you can't dialect your pupils to another side without using the full force of your body.
Wait. No. Not again.
I tried my best to pull my subconscious thoughts into a reality but all my efforts turned into ash.
It's starting again.
No. Not now.
I prayed my soul out and begged for just one small movement in my small finger but all I could do was stare at the ceiling and scream in my mind.

"Mommy! Where are you?!" I tried to scream as hard as I could, but not even a petite sound came out of my mouth or even the smallest of muscle could not work to part my lips. My mind pulled out all the strength that was left to make my body function even the tiniest bit but all it did was drain it all with not a single movement.

"It's just a few seconds. Calm down. It will be okay. Shhh. It's ok. Try to breathe." Those were the only thoughts I wanted to chant in my mind but all I could do was force my brain into making my body function again. It didn't, It never does. I tried my best to calm down but the silent screams continued for as long as I could keep my conscious.

Once again it was a pitch black trap that was there when this started and I couldn't even scream anymore, even if it was just in my mind.

My energy was drained out my body as if it was vacuumed by the force of my silent screams and cries. And now even my mind was too exhausted to think anything anymore. I accepted the defeat and closed my eyes hoping this is the last time I do so.

I think fate had another plan to put me down today. Maybe this is the reason why I hated sleeping.

A silent buzz started stinging in my ear and I opened my eyes out of annoyance, a sliver of hope popped in my mind as I tried to move my little finger, hoping it's over. Bliss changed the melancholy as I succeeded after so many tries, and I was relieved to know that I'd finally woke out of that sleep paralysis.

This was the third time this week and I didn't like the affect it held on me. My sleep paralysis were my worse nightmares considering they only came when I was too stressed or too anxious to function and I remembered the anxiety attack I had this morning.
Way to have fun and a happy life. A voice echoed in my mind before my dizziness suppressed it and I felt like passing out once again but I wasn't stupid enough to fall into the same trap of my paralysis again.

I appreciated my insomnia more than a long nap at times like these. I would go for days and nights without sleeping and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't affect my whole existence. Still, it was far better than sobbing in my head without any help. Sometimes I hated sleep paralysis more than usual because of how lonely it made me feel.

The goosebumps on my body rose as I tried to process the event that had happened less than five minutes ago.
The ceiling. The movements. The screams.
All came along as a slam of a thought and I couldn't hold the ball of emotions sitting back in my throat from climbing up to the surface and release the sobs that were in audible earlier.