Consequences

Chapter 4

I woke up after the hazardous waste of energy and realized that, that evening, my dad was returning home from his 1 week trip and I didn't know how to react because every time I didn't see my dad for a few days, it felt different, but the silent excitement hovering at the back of my chest was undeniably the sweetest thing I've felt in a while.

I loved my dad. Unlike my mom, who'd sometimes see me as a competition for my father's affection. He didn't make me feel like an annoyance. At least, sometimes.
I was my parents' only child, but sometimes it felt like they'd be happier if they had none.

It's always an oblivious roller-coaster ride of emotions when I'm at home. Even if I stayed in my house for at least 16 hours each day, I'm still not used to the way my family works, but the good thing is, I felt safe, which was far better than dealing with bullshit from none of the outside world.
Since my aunt shifted to our home with her husband and her daughter deja temporarily , I don't feel alone, even if I can't stand their snarky remarks sometimes, but I what I think is that it's still better than being alone.

Me and deja were the same age, so our mental health was fucked up on the same level, or at least that's what I think, but she was smart enough to mask it and don't let it slip out easily in front of her parents, though there were times when she is unable to hold back her panic for long and gets the attack right in front her mother. Which was devastating for both of them.
In our region, people considered mental health as a taboo and some were too illiterate to even consider it as an excuse for gaining attention, which was literally the worst part of our neighbourhood.

My father was a teacher and had gone for a trip with his friends to the hill station, but him returning home was an overwhelming feeling for me to handle, since I didn't get to say goodbye to him because I was being an angry spoiled kid.
It's not like he went out with his friends often or that he was anything social or something, but he enjoyed others' company and sharing his opinions was always a mood lifter for him.

I slipped out of my bed, and went to the washroom and straight to the kitchen because of my starvation. My hands were still shivering as the aftermath of my paralysis, but I was getting used to it, so this didn't bother me as much as it used to. I stopped sharing my feelings and eccentric experiences of anxiety with my family after a short period of time, since it got worse.
After having some small bites of a cookie, my mouth felt numb and all the food that I'd consumed since morning threatened to make its way back. I kept the cookie aside without thinking twice, just after I put the blame on my dislike for sweet things or close to them. I went back to the living room just to take a peek and went back to my room.
Another perk of having strict parents is how much you can recognise their steps from across 4 doors. As my father entered the front door, I knew he'd come for me because this is what he had done. And he did exactly what I expected.
He stood near the open door of my room as I pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to face him. Though the best thing about my father is that he always tries to make the conversation.
"Kiddo?" He called me out with a calm and collected tone.
I woke up with a pretentious smile to see him and the pretentious part of my smile was gone, it was real this time.
In our family, we don't show affection through physical contact, like hugging each other just because we're happy, still at times like these, I sometimes wish that we were like that, but those sudden gestures are going to be damn awkward.

I ran out of my bed and went after my father when he was going back out of my room after he "woke" me up. We went to the living room together and everything went normal for me. The symptoms of the paralysis were also washed away after a while, now things are really normal.

After having dinner, I went back to my room to read the book I'd been reading for the last 4 days, and watch some anime.
Everything was still normal. Until, an unknown number lit up my phone screen and my heart froze at the glance of the number.