....
...to see a pair of fishnets in O'hare's hands. His orbs widened with horror as he realized what was happening. Frantically he started squirming against the ropes, while O'hare didn't even spare him a glance. Finally, Farquad started hollering for help, and O'hare had enough. He strutted over to Farquad and poked him on the nose.
"Hoe u need new clothes if you want your ex to want u back." This shut Farquad up, and his expression changed from emo rage to gaping shock. How had he known about Charming? Was it that obvious?
"Shut your mouth brother, you are not a cod fish."
His mouth shut as well.
O'hare collected all the sexy clothes he had been gifted from daddy Onceler, before throwing them to Farquad. Farquad struggled against his ropes further, and O'hare realized he'd need his hands to get changed into his new, amazing clothes. O'hare grumbled about him, and then finally let Farquad out of the ropes. Farquad glared at him, hatred blaring at him through his orbs, and then left the main room to get changed.
========== 15 minutes later ==========
Farquad came out from the closet room and posed. He felt so happy in these clothes, as if they had been destined for him his whole life. He wore tight black fishnets, fitted with a pink frilly skirt, white shirt with puffy shoulders (a must), and cute black shoes. It was so uwu he could've shrunk even further, turning from baby to y/n.
"Yea bitch slay let's go have fun and make your ex wish he never left ya!"
Farquad was so excited he didn't even correct O'hare on the fact him and Charming hadn't been officially dating yet.
=== meanwhile, with Prince Charmingo ====
To say things had been a disaster would be an understatement. Charming would even go to the extreme and say it was death-worthy. He had lost his potential partner to a stupid mistake made by him and an ogre. During the first few days after the date incident Charming had frantically wrote letters for Farquad, but rejected all of them before sending, because he felt they hadn't been sincere enough of an apology. The next week and a half he'd simply stayed in his house and cried, mourning the loss of his precious fetus sized husband. The only glimpse Charming had seen of Farquad was him in his emo greasy-like-mcdonalds clothing, proving that Farquad's emotions had taken a toll from former events. Charming felt like he had betrayed his one hope at having a family, maybe even a child with Farquad. He sobbed harder into his gucci handmade vest, letting the perfect diamond tears fall freely from his rosey cheeks. How could he go on, when the love of his life didn't want him? He'd royally (hehe i'm so bad at making puns I know) messed up, and why? Because a filthy ogre had framed him for cheating. It was time to set things right with Shrek, and Charming knew just how to do that.
=== time skip, Charmingo flamingo's pov ===
Charming had just finished laying out the last of his pungent onions when he heard the familiar stomping of one devilishly handsome ogre's feet. During their time as a couple, Charming had learnt about many things, including how Shrek had a humongous onion fetish. The fetish had gotten so bad, in fact, that the walls of his wooden hut had been caked in sperm. Charming planned to make shrek orgasm so hard at the mere sight of the juicy onions, that he'd die from the pressure. As if on cue, the green man stomped loudly into the clearing, clearly smelling the onions. He drooled at the sight, but strangely Charming didn't notice any boners. Shrek just looked hungry. Then Charming remembered the very last argument Shrek and Charming had had.
=========== flash back :0 ============
Charming felt tears streaming down his rosey pink cheeks as he continued to scream at Shrek. He'd just found shrek making out with a man made entirely out of onions, and to him that was the last straw. He'd tried so hard to make this relationship work, but Shrek had just ruined what little patience Charming had left.
"WHY CAN'T YOU EVER THINK OF US! THE WORLD ISN'T ALL ONIONS SHREK! THERE'S A FEW MORE LAYERS TO LIFE THAN THAT!" he yelled, his fist tightening.
"Mmmm... onions have layers too..." Shrek mumbled longingly. Charming snapped, and slapped Shrek across the cheek before rushing upstairs to pack his bags. He heard a weird snipping sound coming from downstairs, but didn't question it as he threw his many tuxedos into his sparkly My Little Pony bag. Running out of the house, Charming barely heard Shrek cry out fo him.
========= back to the present =========
Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no... Charming became numb as he finally pieced things together. The noise Charming had heard was not just a random sound... it had been Shrek cutting off his dick. That was the only possible explanation for why Shrek's 69 inch cock wasn't throbbing through his boxers. Shrek slowly bent down and grabbed the onions, and started his way back to the swamp when Charming decided to just attack him instead. It was the only chance he'd have to avenge his date for another 3 hours, and Charming had wasted all his patience away with Shrek. He hollered and charged towards Shrek, who recoiled in alpha shock. Charming jumped and did a sick Lazy-town-style back flip onto Shrek's sexy alpha male back, stabbing a silver dagger as he did. Shrek cried in pain, but that wasn't what scared Charming the most. Instead of blood, Shrek's open wound poured out cum. Because Shrek had cut off his dick, all the cum from his onion fetish had started overflowing, and over time had replaced all the blood in his body. Shrek reached for Charming in a weak attempt to crush him between his meaty sausage fingers, but Charming quickly removed the knife and fled before he could. Charming only glanced back once, and saw Shrek orgasming to death, just as Charming had originally planned. Now it was time to reclaim his precious husband, once and for all...
TO BE CONTINUED...
(I almost died reading this it's so bad ;o; forgive me father Kermit for my sins)
YOU ARE READING
Finding Love: a Lord Farquad x Prince Charming story
Roman d'amourTHIS IS SATIRE PLS DONT SUE ME IM SO SORRY YALL HAD TO SEE THIS ;0; Farquad had always deemed himself flawed. It was ironic, in such a perfect kingdom. So what will happen when he meets a dashing young whippersnapper who steals his heart? (I'm so s...