I asked one of my sneaky links what they were feeling and thinking when they were with me, and when we were doing the devil's tango. O_o
He said that he was happy to be with me so we could both forget the pains of our lives, because there's plenty. That he felt slightly nervous, but still happy nonetheless. Then he asked me how I felt during it.
I couldn't answer him.
I feel bad, but all he was, was a distraction. We mutually agreed that it was a no-strings-attached sort of thing, but I think he expects me to have felt happy with him.
He messages me good morning and goodnight, and consistently checks in on me. Which, may seem heartfelt for anyone reading this, but this boy is nothing short of a bad person. I know not one person who even so much as tolerates him. For good reason. He's well known at our school for doing some really shitty things. I made an embarrassment out of myself by doing anything with him.
I always talked shit about him with everyone because of his shit attitude, shit reputation, and creepy mannerisms. I know I'm shallow for it, and I apologize. I frequently argued with him because he had cheated on one of my friends and wouldn't leave her alone, then I turned around and slept with him.
MY FRIEND KNOWS BY THE WAY, AND SHE ISN'T MAD.
My decision to sleep with him was an impulsive one. I decided, since my dad decided to call me a slut, I'd just become it. So, that's how that happened, and now I don't know how to cut it all off.
I texted him late one night, saying, "sneak out. I need some chaos."
Sir ran halfway across town to sneak in and bang me. Then left around 3 am.
I don't know why I'm sharing this.
I just feel like, in my right mind, I never would've done anything with him. I know he sucks, but yet I allowed myself to seek him out as a means to make myself feel better.
Human mannerisms. Weird shit.
