Farah Dowling WRITOBER 2O22

What's your poison? [YOUR THOUGHTS ARE THE POISON IN MY VEINS #1]

“Are you sure it worked?”
“Didn’t you see how she was fidgeting at breakfast? It worked, believe me” whispered one of the students with a nasty smirk.
“Mister Ryan and mister Smith, focus on what you’re doing. The substances you’re working with are extremely volatile” you said as you walked through the Greenhouse’s desks. It was an earth fairies' advanced class, and professor Harvey, your tutor on the Alchemy Apprenticeship, had asked you to help him survey the situation to avoid accidents.
“Good to know we’re going to have the rest of the day free” chuckled the other student, ignoring your admonishment. “Serves her right for saying no to the Halloween party.”
Upon hearing this you stopped, suspicious and alarmed. You knew that a few days ago the Headmistress had denied authorization to hold a mundane party tonight in the main hall. And you knew that this particular class had lesson with her in the afternoon. Had those two bonehead played a trick on her?
“I only wish it lasted more. I could use a free week-end-”
“Smith and Ryan!” you snapped. They jumped on their seats and looked guiltily at you. Oh, that was a bad sign. “Come with me.”
The two exchanged a look and followed you out of the Greenhouse, under the bemused gaze of Ben Harvey, who found funny that you were better than him at keeping discipline during lessons.
“Tell me everything” you barked as soon as the rest of the class was out of earshot.
“Everything what?” one of the two asked, feigning innocence.
“What have you done?” you said. “I want to know exactly what you have done to Headmistress Dowling!”
“Why do you think we have done something? We just heard she was feeling a bit sick, today” Smith grinned.
“Tell me. All of it. And don’t leave anything out, or I will know” you said, letting your eyes light up in silver to remember them that you were first and foremost a mind fairy. “And it will be worst for you. So. What have you done and how?”
They exchanged another look and shifted uncomfortably.
Then Ryan spoke. “It’s just a sickening elixir. We slipped a few drops in her tea, this morning. It’s just an harmless trick for Halloween” he said weakly.
“Give me the recipe you used” you ordered through gritted teeth.
Smith searched his pockets and begrudgingly handed you a rumpled paper. “Here.”
You unfolded the paper and quickly checked the handwritten ingredients. As you read your neck hair stood up.
“What possessed you to give the Headmistress an unregulated elixir?” you hissed, furious. “Do you at least understand what this mixture could cause?”
“Yeah, stomach sickness” replied mister Smith with a shrug. “It was pretty easy to brew, there’s nothing complex about it. You don’t have to get all riled up-”
“Nothing complex? You have no idea how dangerous some of these ingredients are when mixed together! You could have mortally poisoned her, you know that?”
You were trembling in the effort of not shouting out all of your frustration.
“Go back to class” you ordered. “And tell professor Harvey I have been called away. We will talk about consequences tomorrow.”
You waited until the Greenhouse’s door was closed behind them and then, pale and worried, you walked to the Headmistress’ office.
You knocked, but no one answered. After a moment of hesitation you run to the north wing, where you knew her private room was. You crushed the paper in your hand as you run, thinking about how to mix a possible antidote. Was it even a sickening elixir? To an untrained eye it might look like a simple concoction, but solarian panaeolus in the wrong quantity could be deadly, and you didn’t understand what basil and linfean rose were for. They just didn’t fit, they had no place in a sickening solution. Good gods, you were praying that it was just an harmless, stupid home-made sickening elixir. You’d have given a year of your life rather than discovering that Farah Dowling was in any danger.
When you arrived at her door, panting, you didn’t give yourself time to think. You had to know she was alright. You knocked repeatedly, trying to make as little noise as possible, and when no one answered you quietly called: “Headmistress! Please, open the door, I know there’s something wrong with you and I think I might know what it is!”
She didn’t answer. After a few attempts, frustrated, you banged your fist on the door… and the door opened. She must have forgotten to close it, which in itself said how distressed she had to be.
Too worried to stop, you took a single step forward, calling: “Headmistress?”
You were in a small, tasteful living room, and it seemed empty. You were watching the books piled on the desk and next to the armchair when you heard a sound coming from your left.
You turned and saw a door opening. Headmistress Farah Dowling walked through it, barefoot, dressed only in a bathrobe, her hair messily pulled up and dripping wet.
You panicked. She seemed fine, she had clearly just been taking a shower and you apparently had no good reason to be in her private rooms.
She was looking at you with wide eyes; suddenly you noticed that she was shaking. She was too pale, and her thin lips looked almost blue.
“What are you doing here?” she breathed, her voice barely audible.
You quickly closed the door and turned to her. “Headmistress, I… I just heard two students- they have put something in your tea this morning. They- they wanted to play a trick, but I saw the ingredients they used and I got worried, I- are you okay? You look-”
“You have to get out” she croaked. “Immediately. Or I… I-”
“But I know what elixir caused your sickness. I have the recipe here” you said, showing her the paper. She walked towards you, leaving on the floor a path of drops of water falling from her skin and hair; she took the crashed hand-written note with trembling hands and read.
She became even paler. Her legs seemed to give out, and she had to hold on to the armchair’s back to remain standing.
“This is even worst that I thought” she murmured, clearly shocked.
“Why? What are you feeling?”
You noticed that even her fingers seemed cold and blue. You reached for her hand, feeling for a second the feverish skin and the ice-cold water still on it, before she snatched it away as if you burned.
“Good gods, you must have a raging fever! Were you under cold water? How long have you stayed in the shower?”
“Since I came back from breakfast” she answered weakly. “Not that it helped.”
She threw a glance at you, then looked again at the floor. “Go now. Please.”
“But I could help! We could make an antidote-”
“It’s too complicated, and it would take a couple of days to distill one. The effects will... wear off by morning, I think. It’s not your problem. I will manage. Just go.”
“So you’re not in danger?”
She let out a faint, bitter laugh. “Technically speaking, I have been poisoned. But I won’t die, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“But you’re in pain” you retorted softly, inclining your head. “I can see that you are in pain. Surely there must be something I can do to help-”
She was staring at you, suddenly a lot less pale, but with terror in her eyes.
“There is nothing you can do. Believe me, you don’t want to be here.”
“If you told me your symptoms I could at least bring you an alchemical mixture to ease them. I get it’s a sickening potion, but I couldn’t understand what basil and linfean rose are for. I have only seen them used in lov-”
And suddenly it downed on you. You looked at her, at her shivering body, and her dilated eyes, at her flushed cheeks.
“Gods, it’s not a sickening elixir. It’s a poison that causes extreme arousal, is it not?” You were blushing as you said it. “And the panaeolus ensures that the people who drink it cannot… find release on their own?”
The Headmistress nodded without looking at you. “Now you see why I have asked you to leave. I cannot have you here.”
“But if you stay alone the elixir will drive you crazy by morning! Someone has to help! Just” you hated asking this, your heart was constricting, but you had to, “tell me who I should bring here, and I will. H- headmister Silva, perhaps?”
“What?” said the Headmistress, surprised, meeting your gaze for a second. “No- we- we don’t... we aren't... I will handle this alone, no one has to be here.”
She looked at you again, and saw that you were about to protest, so she intervened before you could speak, a pained look on her face: “Especially not you.”
“I won’t leave unless you promise me that you will be fine or tell me who can I bring in to help” you replied stubbornly, trying not to feel hurt by her words.
“I don’t want anyone.”
“Okay. Swear to me that a night alone won’t make you go mad and I will go, I promise.”
She didn’t say anything.
“Then allow me to stay” you told her softly, taking a step forward and tentatively cupping her right cheek with your hand. She leaned against you, searching for help, unable to restrain herself.
She was clearly desperate for body contact. You privately thought you were going to skin those two idiots alive for putting such a proud woman in this situation.
“You need to go” she murmured inconsequentially, her eyes still closed, her right hand covering yours to press it closer to her burning cheek.
“You can’t handle this alone. Let me help you.”
She swallowed and opened her eyes, making an herculean effort to pull away from your hand. “I- how- why would you want to stay here?”
“I am here. I… I care about you. If there isn’t someone you’re already… intimate with that you’d rather have here… I don’t see who else could be of assistance.”
“You care about me” she repeated, searching your eyes. She swallowed again before saying: “Your will to assist me is noted and appreciated, but I cannot accept your help.”
You gently took her wrist. “You need help” you insisted. “I want to help. Gods, Farah, I know I should not be thinking about myself right now, but I cannot stay here now in front of you and tell you that I don’t desire you-”
“How did you call me?” she whispered, as if she had only heard the first part of what you said.
“I’m sorry,” you quickly corrected yourself, “Headmistress, I meant- Headmistress.”
“You said you… desire me?” she continued, not even listening to you.
“I’ve had for a long time now” you murmured softly, your hand kindly pulling her wrist towards you. She stepped closer and let her head fall on your shoulder. You slowly wrapped your arms around her. “I would like to help you, if you don’t mind.”
She put her arms around you, pulling you flush against her. Her body was burning. “You have no idea. I cannot control myself, you-”
“I am not afraid of you" you interrupted. "In fact, you can do whatever you want to me, Headmistress.”
She groaned, taking your head in her hands and bringing your lips against hers.
“Farah,” she said we she broke the kiss, “Call me Farah.”
You smiled at her, and the longing that suddenly appeared in her eyes made your hearth leap.
“I am deeply sorry for everything I will ask you to do" she said hoarsely. "But, without you... I’m doomed.”