𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧; jevon

4. glossophobia

Glossophobia - the fear of speaking to people.

(Don Mancini is slowly taking jevon away from me and i DON'T appreciate it)

-

i slowly flutter my eyes open from the best sleep i've ever had in a while. usually i would wake up really sweaty and my heart beating out of my chest from sleep paralysis but today's different.

i feel arms around my waist and i remembered who's room i was in. i immediately get butterflies in my stomach.

whenever people touch me i always get a little woozy. it's just childhood trauma don't worry but i'm used to getting touched in a bad or uncomfortable way.

but i feel safe when he's touching me like this. i feel him stir and i close my eyes quickly pretending to still be sleeping.

his arms slowly pull off of me and he rubs my arms to wake me up. i rub my eyes, "we got class come on." Devon sits up and grabs his toothbrush from the nightstand.

i let out a huge sigh and pushed the blankets off of me to get up.

[two days later]

i stare in the mirror as i was brushing my teeth roughly. i zone out while doing this because i don't really feel anything after..

let just say it's because of my xanax and i took it the normal way.

"Jake." Devon's voice breaks me out of my and i spit my toothbrush out of my mouth by accidents. he just loves popping up out of nowhere.

i laugh it off, "sorry um." i rinse my mouth with the warm water. i hold the water in my mouth as i look in the mirror. Devon was standing behind me with his hands in his pockets.

"whatcha doing kid." he sighed disappointed. i spit the water out in the sink.

even through a mirror i make hard eye contact with him like always, "i'm fine." i lied to him for the hundredth time.

i don't even know why i try anymore he just know every time. "no you're not." he said shaking his head.

i turn the water off annoyed as if it was making to much noise for my ears to handle. "i don't understand why you don't just talk to me." Devon walked over to the counter and leaned against it with his arms crossed.

"i don't know if you realized, but i don't enjoy talking to people." i said in a raspy voice. i can't even recognize myself and i haven't for the past two days.

i haven't even called my cousin to check up on him, i have just be wallowing in self pity. i feel like i'm all alone in this huge school.

"listen, call me crazy, but i think talking about it could make you feel better. tell me why you've been doing drugs." Devon asked.

my eyes get a little blurry from the tears that are forming up. my ears start ringing and my head starts pounding. this happens most time when i cry and i'm under the influence.

"stop." i talk to the ringing in my ears.

"jake... jake." Devon said worried.

my breathing is uneven as i back up into the wall with my hands covering my ears to try and stop the ringing.

Devon runs up to me and grabs my shoulders. "Jake calm down alright i'm right here." i close my eyes trying not to think about everything thats been going on...

"when you get like this just, go to your happy place." Junior suggested. Jake was in the middle of his room with his knees up to his chest and tears streaming down his face. "my what?" Jake asked confused.

"your happy place. you know think of a moment where you've felt the happiest you ever felt and you think nothing that would ever happen to make that moment turn bad." Junior explained rubbing his shoulders as a way to calm him down.

Jake closes his eyes firmly trying to think of something but he couldn't. there's nothing in his life that has gone that great..

i thought that until i realized, that very moment was the best. it showed me that i had someone by my side who truly cares about me and wanted to help me calm down from an anxiety attack.

my happy place is with the people that i love and trust. i really would love for Devon to be one of those people, but that would mean that i have to open up to him about.. everything.

i take a deep breathe in and i bring my knees to my chest. i look up at Devon and he immediately sits down next to me against the wall.

"i've always been a really shy kid. i was never the biggest fan of talking to people i didn't know and that resulted to me being kind of a loner. whenever people would decide to talk to me it was either they had something mean or weird to say. so i decided to just ignore people all together. it seemed like a great idea but as i gotten older, i never learned how to communicate properly. i never had a great example considering the kind of person my dad is. i get to overwhelmed and words just start flying out and they usually aren't so nice.

so i'm sorry. you seem like a really good person, i mean you're still trying to put up with me even when you don't have to." i apologized. he smiles looking down.

"i'm 'putting up with you' because i care. there's just something about you Jake Wheeler i don't know what it is and i'm trying to find out. you seem really special and you haven't been treated as such but now you are." he assured.

"i'm gonna show you how special and amazing you are. everyone knows it but they don't want to admit it but i promise you, i'm going to show not just you but everybody." Devon promised. he stood up and walked over to the door.

"and never forget. if you need someone to talk to or you anything, like anything, my room is still 310." he winked and walked out of the bathroom.

i let out a sigh, so much for trying to be on time for class.

i stood up, not forgetting my toothbrush, and i head out as well.

i will gladly take on the like anything offer..

thanks for reading! (didn't proof read so sorry if you had a stroke reading this)