𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧; jevon

5. pediophobia

pediophobia- is a fear of dolls or inanimate objects that look real.

(cause i don't really got shit else so that shit helps when i'm depressed; you a real one if you know what song thats from)

-

"it's my medication."

"it's drugs."

"that i was prescribed." i defended for the millionth time.

Devon and i were going back and forth about the medicine that i have been taking for a couple of years. that were prescribe to me, which means its okay for me to take them.

"so if i hid them would you go crazy." he asked leaning back on his hands, we were sitting on my bed.

i bring one of my legs up to my chest, "well yeah obviously, but its not because i'm a drug addict!" i snapped, not because he thinks i'm addicted, it's the fact that he even suggested hiding my pills from me.

"well i'm pretty sure your doctor told you to take it by mouth, not by nose." Devon said stuttering a little bit.

"Devon i don't snort my pills!" i cried as tears welled up in my eyes in embarrassment and denial. i was lying to him, i refused to believe that i did that.

"Jake, i saw you. why are you lying to me." he said in disbelief while getting up from the bed.

"well what else am i supposed to do!" i wailed, "nothing else works." i sighed...

[a couple hours earlier]

"guess what Devon told me the other day." i chatted to Lexy who was eating mini marshmallows straight out of the bag. we were in my room just catching up on a few things.

"what happened." she immediately got invested when i said Devon's name. she always know that when i talk about him, it's something interesting.

"he told me that he isn't here because of his homophobic mom, it's because his mom is to busy and can't fully take care of him so she sent him to a boarding school. i mean how caring is that." i said shocked, that a pretty nice move even though its a little.. sad.

"are you fucking serious, i mean all of us here are like fucking mentally unstable and then there's him." Lexy gasped,

i shook my head, "i mean i'm sure he has some issues." i chimed in sitting up.

"yeah but not as bad as anyone else's. i wish my parents sent me here with good intentions." Lexy sighed throwing a marshmallow in her mouth.

"but we can not relate unfortunately." i replied.

-

"yeah i'm just really freaked out right." i fiddled with my door handle to close it. i felt my breathe becoming uneasy again. "Junior i swear to god i saw him running in front of me, he was just a couple feet away from me." i cried on the phone to Junior.

i slide down the door and sobbed until i was shaking. "listen to me Jake, you didn't see anything i promise. the doll is not real your just seeing things, i mean when was the last time you slept without waking up every 30 minutes." my cousin asked really concerned.

"i don't know." i cried even more, why does my life have to be just a ball of anxiety. i wish i never saw that stupid doll at the toy store when i was younger. yeah my life would still be shit but i wouldn't have to deal with this on top of everything.

"i'll call you later Junior." i sniffed and he sighed, "okay fine but i'm begging you. please get some sleep." i nodded my head and hung up the phone.

i leaned my head back and banged it against the door in frustration.

in rage i get up and i walked over to drawer. i sat on my bed and ripped the drawer open and snatched the zoloft from inside of it.

i have to do something else with these because swallowing them isn't enough anymore.

i think back to when i used to take them differently.. and it felt different.

god my cousin is going to be so disappointed.

i open the bottle and poured out two pills. i used the bottom of the bottle to crush them into powder.

i take a deep breathe in, should i do it?

fuck it.

afterwards i threw my head back with my eyes closed as the burning yet kind of satisfying sensation went threw my nose. the bottle of pills drop from my hand as i was still in a little trance.

i hear my door creek open but it felt like i couldn't open my eyes. "Jake?" a familiar voice rang through my ears.

i open my eyes and my vision is still really blurry. i blink multiple times to try and make it go away.

"Jake." they repeated again and this time it felt closer.

"Devon." i muttered tilting my head to the side with my eyes still closed.

"what did you just do." he shook his head in disbelief.

"i didn't do anything." i shook my head finally being able to open my eyes. i continued to look at the wall in front of me.. i just can't look at him.

-

[now]

"you take everything out on me! when i'm just trying to help you." Devon grabbed both of my shoulder and my head drops down.

"you don't get it Devon. i don't want help, nothing is going to change no matter if i'm a good person or not, my mom is still going to be dead, my dad is still gonna hate me, i'm gonna live with these nightmares for the rest of my life. but you wouldn't understand that." i started,

"Jake-"

"because your mom didn't send you here because she hated you, it was because she loves you. meanwhile everyone else here, is living in actual hell. but you don't realize that. i'm so fucking jealous of you, and i'm taking it out on you right now.. your right." i leaned back down against my bed frame and sighed.

"i understand, but it isn't my fault." he croaked.

"of course. your pretty much perfect, and your a good person. i'm not and probably never going to be, and i can live with that." i lightly smiled at him.

Devon sighs. he bends down and picks up the pill bottle i dropped on the floor. he shook it and there was still plenty left, he shoved the bottle in his back pocket which made me swallow a lump in my throat.

he grabs one of my arms and pulls me into a tight hug that instantly melted into.

one of his hands let go of me to turn my lamp off which was the only thing that was giving this room some light.

"let's go to sleep."

thanks for reading! (didn't proof read ofc)