Romancing the Son of Heaven

Stratagem 19: Let Go of All Masks (1)

Jing He stood in stunned silence, not knowing what to think at all. Could it be true? Had he really ... Ah, he could not deny that his heart would flutter every now and then when faced with Longjun or even just thinking of him. And his mind was filled with thoughts of that man almost every day. That should be what it was like to be in love, shouldn't it?

He looked at the robe in his arms, trying to make sense of these feelings. If he truly was in love with him ...

"So what did he send you?"

Jing He flinched and turned around only to find his mother leaning over his shoulder, curiously looking at the mask and belt on the table and the robe in his hands. "Mo... Mother."

Bai Fen smiled and took the robe from his hands. "Let your mother take a look. Ah, it seems your uncle was right. This really is for the Jiyi festival. Has he mentioned where to meet? Your father might have reduced the number of guards but it'll still be difficult to get out unseen."

Jing He lowered his head, feeling a sense of loss. He knew he shouldn't feel this way but he had wanted to keep this all to himself. It was a present Longjun had made him. This should have been their special day without anybody else being involved. Now, things had already been taken out of his hands already.

Maybe ... Maybe this was a sign that it should just not happen. Even if he had fallen in love with this man, even if he wanted to give in and accept his proposal, it would never be how he wanted it to be. He was doomed to always be in this situation, dependent on other's decisions, unable to create his own fate.

He turned away, his heart feeling sour. "It does not matter. Father would not allow it. I ... I should stay inside. I'll ... have this delivered back to Longjun." He closed his eyes, trying to smother those feelings in his heart.

How could he have fallen in love? It would only make things more complicated. He was not like Xing who had been held in contempt by his immediate family. He was not free of ties to others so that he could follow the man he loved without restraint.

No, he had considerations and he could not disappoint his father like this. It was impossible. He wished it was different but this was the truth. Loving Longjun would only bring more pain. He might as well forget about it now that the feelings were only starting to blossom. That way, there would not be too much damage done.

Bai Fen glanced at her son and sighed. "How could that be? Longjun went to the trouble to bring it to your uncle personally. He'd be disappointed if you reclined his invitation. It's just for one day. You should do him the favor." She folded the robe up, put it back onto the cloth, and added the belt and mask on top before she wrapped everything back up. "Alright. You can't put that on here and leave under the eyes of those guards or your father will really raise a fuss. Let's go to my palace instead." She didn't wait for her son's inevitable words of worry and denial and just walked to the door.

Jing He raised his head, his expression undecided. He wanted to do this but he knew he shouldn't. In the end, he did not want to defy his mother's orders and — if he was completely honest with himself — he did not want to lose Longjun's present either.

He hurried after her and finally caught up to her quite a bit behind the door. None of the guards followed this time, either having learned from what happened the other day or not daring to disrespect the Heavenly Empress.

Jing He glanced at his mother and the package in her hands and finally couldn't help but speak up. "Mother, how about letting me carry that?"

"Why? You can't bear to separate with your admirer's present?"

Jing He's cheeks flushed and he lowered his head again, not daring to show any indication of what he felt. "It's not like that. I feel bad letting you carry something while I am right next to you. I am not a filial child at all."