transgender ♀♂ muke

04

i lied.

i cant ask him.

i cant talk to him about it.

fuck.

i knock on the door, getting back from my afternoon classes and i step inside when michael opens the door.

"hey, you made it! how were your classes?" he greets me.

"they were good," i tell him "weren't as bad as i thought they would be honestly."

michael laughs a little bit, "yeah i told you you'd be fine didn't i?"

"you did, yes. so where we going out?" the moment i asked he looked slightly nervous.

"uh, mcdonalds? but i got somewhere cool to go afterwards." i nod before walking over to drop my stuff on my bed and getting organized before heading out.

i don't understand why i'm chickening out on this, telling him, that is. i doubt he's going to react badly to me being trans but there's always that thought in the back of my mind that shows me the worst outcome and it makes me overthink. it's an irrational fear, but even if there aren't any fears my mind could easily make something up. like the fact that he might think about the fact that i didn't tell him until after he kissed me and be extremely mad about that.

when my anxiety hits for something like this it can be pretty bad, but it gets worse if i'm around someone. sometimes ill clench my fists until they shake, other times ill chew on something, mostly a toothpick until that breaks, and i don't mean to break it i just cant help it when i'm trying to stay calm. another thing i do is constantly run my fingers through my hair, at the same time i'll most likely be bouncing my knee or fiddling my thumbs and i'll find it extremely hard to talk to someone or make eye contact with them and my breath becomes shaky. so basically i'm a mess when my anxiety spikes so i try to avoid it at all costs but that never really works. now i just wish i can overcome it at least just for tonight.

"luke? you good?" michael snaps his fingers in front of my face. "you zoned out."

"oh." was all i could say. "sorry."

"it's fine dude don't apologize, but we gotta go now so c'mon." michael says as he drags me out the door.

when we get to the parking lot michael jogs ahead to open the door for me. for some reason this makes me laugh. he smirks at me then gets in his side and pulls out of the parking lot once the engine turns over.

eventually we reach mcdonalds. sitting in one of the booths with our food my curiosity takes over. "ok so i know you said "somewhere cool" but im curious so where exactly are we going after?"

"sorry man, i can't tell you that." i look at him with confusion.

"what? why not?" i question him.

"because that's the whole point of a surprise, dumbass." oh i see.

"bitch." i mumble, with a soft smile playing on my face.

michael grins while looking down at his food before getting up and throwing out our stuff.

back in the car mikey told me i have to wear a blindfold so i can't see the place until we get there.

"please luke? it's not like i'm kidnapping you and taking you to my sex dungeon," i choked on the air when i heard him say that. "unless you'd like me to." a huge smirk is present on his face.

"jesus no!" i try not to laugh, but he doesn't, he's already laughing at me.

"chill," he pauses to laugh. "but really please just wear it, it'll be worth it i swear."